Legends never die
by Sedryn.c
Summary: Legends never die and even if they do legends will live for ever. Shepard almost dies saving the galaxy, but it's not over yet. Kaidan is stranded with the Normandy, everything needs rebuilding and while a new council forms uniting the races to restore order to the galaxy an old enemy returns. Will Kaidan be able to rescue Shepard so they can stop this new thread to galactic peace?
1. Chapter 1: SIlence

_Full synopsis:_

_Legends don't die. Even if they do legends will live for ever. Shepard dies saving the galaxy, but it's not over yet. Kaidan is stranded with the Normandy, everything needs rebuilding and while a new council forms uniting the races to restore order to the galaxy an old enemy returns. Will Kaidan be able to rescue Shepard so they can stop this new thread to galactic peace?  
_

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting.  
_

_Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses.  
_

* * *

_**Silence**_

Perfect silence, not a single gun shot, no reapers, no husks, not even a boot on the floor.  
Only his own shallow breathing broke that perfect silence.

It took him a moment to remember what happened. The beam, Harbinger, the horrible hallway filled with corpses.  
Then the Illusive man, almost losing just because that son of a bitch had to interfere.

Anderson.  
It struck him, Anderson died. The last victim of the illusive man before that bastard finally shot himself.  
Seeing that piece of shit kill himself was better then pulling the trigger himself.

Then there was the explosion, off course the crucible had to explode. Not like anyone could have installed a big red button to press.

He tried to move, "Why can't I feel my legs?" Feeling around in the dark with his right hand he noticed the problem. A big beam had fell on him. Crap, why doesn't it hurt? Something like that should hurt like hell.

"Maybe I can lift the beam" But the second he tried to activate his biotics he felt a searing pain in the back of his skull. He raised his hand and rubbed his neck. Blood. Okay this isn't going as planned.

Was it actually getting colder? No, must be the blood loss. He tried Yelling for help but his voice just broke away. Okay it's getting really cold and the silence, well that is just unsettling.

This was it then, dying alone in a pile of rubble.

He grabbed his dog tags and removed the ring from it's chain.  
It was dark but he could just barely see the engravings on the inside.

Ashley  
Legion  
Mordin  
Thane  
and a small silhouette of the Normandy.

He turned the ring between his fingers absent of thought.

_"Commander who's the lucky girl?"_

_"Huh?" Slowly he turned around to see who spoke._

_Joker grinned at him. "Citadel to Shepard! So, who is going to steal you away?"_

_"Joker, no one is stealing me away from my team." _

_"So what's with the ring? Secret admirer?"_

_"Jeff, I gave Shepard that ring. It's a 'Victory' ring made from different materials from each council races home world. I though it was appropriate for Shepard to have, though Alliance regulations prohibit him from wearing it while in uniform."_

_Shepard swore he heard someone murmuring something about "calibrating" his ring._

_The next morning his ring was gone. He had searched for it but it seemed lost._  
_But wen he had arrived in his cabin on the Normandy it lay there on his bed together with a note._

_Sorry Shep, I 'stole' your ring last night._  
_ Garrus thought he could 'calibrate' it to become priceless._

_ Kasumi_

_ PS.:You should really be more careful wen someone accidentally bumps in to you!_

He looked up to the darkness of space in front of him. No fighting, no sound only the peaceful silence now.

They had won.

He felt tired, maybe he should just close his eyes for a moment.

"Meet me at the bar." He whispered with his last breath.

His hand dropped to his side and the ring fell between the rubble.


	2. Chapter 2: Crashed

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

_Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Crashed**

Joker stepped out of the Normandy a soft breeze hit his face and the sun blinded his eyes for a moment.

"Shit, what the hell just happened Joker?"

Joker turned around, wen he saw Kaidan he wanted to make a sarcastic comment, but the Mayor looked so sad and confused.

"Don't know, we tried to jump through the relay and then..." Yes what then, he didn't know.  
"I have no idea what happened, some red light and suddenly we where crashing. EDI, she... suddenly she... gone..." He could barely hold back the tears, what if she was gone.

The Mayor embraced Joker. "Joker she'll be alright. We probably just need to restart some systems or something like that." But he knew his friend was fearing the worst. Hell, they didn't know what happened to Shepard after the crucible activated. Just the thought that he might be gone was to much.

Wen James exited the Normandy he quickly tried to regain his posture.

"Sir?" James saluted.

"Who, what... Why are you saluting James?" Now Kaidan was even more confused.

"Sir, you are the highest ranking officer on board. Which would make you acting Captain, Sir." Vega grinned a bit.

"Vega, if you dare call me sir one more time i will slap your ass with a singularity!" Okay now Kaidan had to laugh.

Joker started teasing Vega "Come on big marine do it!"

"Sorry amigo, just didn't want you to get all brooding and depressed here. We just kicked reaper ass and showed those metal squids what kind of a big gun we could fire at them."

"Your right James, no use in thinking about what might or might not have happened. But can't Tali take over? I mean she is an Admiral."

"Nope, you're the spectre remember?"

"Okay, James point taken." Kaidan turned to face Joker. "Joker grab Traynor and see if you can find out where we are. I want a report on communications ASAP."

"Will do Sir." Joker saluted to his friend and got back in the ship before Kaidan could say anything about being called Sir.

"James, Grab EDI's body and bring it to the AI core. I don't want Joker to get all depressed whenever he sees it." Kaidan walked back in the ship.

James stood there a minute alone watching a sun set. "Locco, hope you're alright" he whispered.

Kaidan hadn't even been back inside for 30 minutes and everyone already reported on their status. Shepard had picked a great team.  
Adams and his team where checking the drive core. Cortez had reported on their supply's and already was busy unpacking spare parts in the cargo bay.

Chakwas had gathered everyone who was injured in the mess hall and reported in. Nothing big cuts, bruises, burns everyone would be back at their posts whit in a few hours. She just wanted to check up on him later since he had sufferd a few injuries on earth.

Tali had disappeared in the AI core, trying to see if she could find out what had happened to EDI.

Joker and Traynor had tried getting communications back up but couldn't get anything. Possible theories no comm buoys nearby or all where broken.

They still had no idea where the hell they where. But as Joker had put it they sort of 'fell' out of the relay jump and could be anywhere between Sol and the Perseus Veil. Since they had nothing to go by were they where only one option remained. Make a holo of the stars and try to hope they found something that helped. A helpful quasar or some other anomaly.

Garrus and James where going to assist Traynor in this one. She thought it would be best to go up a nearby hill and hope they recognize a star constellation. She would have just gone alone until James mentioned that they had no idea if the planet had dinosaurs.

Repairs would take only a few days. But as long as they had no idea where they are, the galaxy was just too big to fly in a random direction and hope they get lucky.

It was probably best if he just would go to bed for a while. But first he wanted to check on something.

Kaidan stood in front of the door to Shepards room, first he wanted to knock on the door but then he remembered, no Shepard was on Earth. At least Kaidan hoped that Shepard was on Earth.  
In his mind he heard Shepard "Kaidan stop brooding! Now drink, it's a party!"

He finally went in the room and did what he intended to do in the first place.  
Check on the Fish.  
All alive, fish tank VI still operational. At least he wouldn't have to hear any complaints about how he let the Commanders fish die.

He was just about to leave the room wen his eye fell on something on Shepards bed.  
Spread over one side of the bed where colorful drawings.

Kaidan picked the one on top and looked at it.  
A drawing of a man with a gun in a field of flowers, the man seemed to be protecting children from something evil looking with four eyes.

Kaidan turned the drawing around a note was on the backside.

_ Hello Commander Shepard,_

_ Back wen i was a little girl I drew many pictures of the man that saved us on Elysium._  
_ Now all those years later you are saving us again._  
_ I am working at a 'secret project' and some of the kids here, wanted to make drawings to thank you. _  
_ You saved some of them from Cerberus._

_ I know it's silly, but I thought since i never had the chance before, I should sent you one of my old drawings._

_ Thank You Commander for everything._

_ Marla_

Kaidan sat down on shepards bed and watched at the sky above him "Shepard please be safe."


	3. Chapter 3: Council

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting.  
_

___Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

**Council**

She looked over the reports again.  
They hadn't even found 5% of Hammer's ground forces, and most of those they had found where dead or dying. If she just knew if he was alive or dead, maybe then she could finally find some rest but the uncertainty that was to much for her. But he was still listed as MIA.

She took a deep breath, maybe she should rest the battle had been long and the next few weeks would be a whole different kind of war. She started walking over to her bed but before she could even think about laying down for a moment someone called over the intercom.

"Ma'am priority message from Admiral Hacket."

"I'll take it in my quarters." Maybe they found him, she almost didn't dare to hope.

She spun on her heels and activated the terminal. "Admiral, what can I do for you sir?"

"Admiral Shepard, I need you over on the Destiny Ascension. Meet me at the temporary Embassy. Oh and you might want to grab a coffee or two before you come over here." Hacket sounded tired, well probably everyone was tired by now not like anyone had much chance to sleep.

"Yes Sir. Might i ask if there is any news from my Son?" She hoped he would be one of the first to know.

A sad look passed over the Admirals face. "Nothing, new Hannah. I'm sorry."

"I should go." She added with a salute.

Well no sleep it seems. Quickly she changed into a fresh uniform and grabbed a can of coffee. On her way to the shuttle she informed her XO that she had to leave and to see to it that everyone got at least some sleep.

She had drank 2 mugs of coffee before the shuttle even reached the Destiny Ascension. As soon as she stepped aboard a Salarian greeted her.

"Admiral Shepard it's an honor meeting you, I'm Mayor Kirrahe. Admiral Hacket asked that i escort you to the meeting." The Salarian offered he a hand while she exited the shuttle and guided her through the ship.

She silently followed the Mayor through the ship. But she kept wondering why would Hacket sent a Salarian to greet her. Something was strange around here.

Finally they reached the conference room, someone had tapped a note on the door 'Council meeting in progress' Kirrahe opened the door "After you ma'am."

Wen she entered the room suddenly fell silent, all eyes fell on her. The silence was making her feel uncomfortable. Well until a large Krogan came up to her and grabbed her by the shoulders.

"Ha, so this is the female that gave birth to the best battle master in the universe!" The krogan roared. "You must be the proudest mother in the universe then!"

"Everyone sit down please and Wrex please leave the Admiral in one piece. No Head butting!" Hacket Raised his voice just a bit, but it was enough that wrex finally let her go. "Everyone lets get directly to business shall we?"

Well at least she would find out what was going on sooner rather then later. After she sat down Hacket continued to speak.

"Everyone the reason we are here is simple, we have no idea what happened to the council. They where on the citadel wen it was taken by the Reapers. Since we need to assume the worst we are hereby forming a new council to organize the salvage and rescue operations. The reason each of you is chosen is simple, You all had ties to Commander Shepard in the past. Furthermore you all saw the need to prepare for the future and for the reapers wen the previous council ignored them. So who better to stand for this new age as those who believed. So introductions are in order and if anyone has questions now would be the time, there is a lot of work to do."

So that was it, Hannah couldn't believe what she was hearing, a new council, but why was she here? But Hacket had already seen the question in here eyes before she could even ask and immediately interrupted her.

"Councilor Shepard, I'm going to be blunt. I need a Human councilor i can trust after what Udina did. Since both your son and Admiral Anderson are MIA we need someone that never doubted him. As an added bonus you are the only person I can think of that everyone will accept immediately without the need for lengthy debates."

So there it was she was the new Human councilor. " Sir just one question? Why me and not do it yourself?"

Hacket spoke without a second of hesitation. " Because someone has to keep the alliance together since HQ was the first thing to go in this bloody war and honestly I hate politics."

After a moment of silence Hannah stood up took a deep breath. "I am Rear Admiral Hannah Shepard of the Alliance. Commander Shepard is my son." Her voice was a bit shaky but it should do.

The Krogan stood up. "Urdnot Wrex, Clan leader of clan Urdnot. I united the clans to fight the reapers after Shepard healed the Genophage. I fought at his side wen Saren was working with the Reaper Sovereign."

The Salarian was next: "Mayor Kirrahe Salarian STG, I held the line on Virmire where Saren was breeding an army of indoctrinated Krogan for the Reapers. I held the line wen Cerberus attacked Sur'kesh."

"Admiral Zaal'Koris vas..." The quarian paused. " ...vas Rannoch, I lost 2 ships in this war. We should really rethink our naming conventions now I guess.  
Anyway I lead the Quarian civilian fleet, Shepard saved me on Rannoch and help broker the peace between the Geth and Quarians. Which seems to have been in vain since sadly the Geth just stopped working the same moment the reapers stopped."

"Primarch Victus, Shepard helped my son to accomplish his mission and gain the respect of his men." The Turians voice sounded a bit sad.

"Matriarch Aethyta, I actually didn't have anything to do with Shepard except serving him drinks and let me tell you that man could out drink a Krogan. Well except that Lia.."

Hacket interrupted her "No but you where outspoken in your opinion to build new relays and that is to some degree one of the tasks before us. So anyone any questions before I start the briefing?"

Hannah couldn't wait anymore she had to know. " Just one sir, what about my son?"

Hacket took a deep breath. "Admiral Shepard I'm sorry we have no idea what happened exactly after he entered the beam. What we have is Anderson and Shepard went up to the Citadel must have found a way to open the arms. Wen the crucible was docked it didn't fire. I personally told the commander it had to be something on his side. His last words where 'I'm not sure how to' after that communications broke down. Eight minutes later the crucible fired."

She could barely hold back the tears, yes they where searching but she knew that the chances where slim of finding him.

Wrex suddenly stood beside her, she hadn't noticed him right up to the point where he pulled her out of her chair. "I believe this is what you Humans do to comfort each other." He just stated mater of factly and grabbed her in a tight embrace. "Now stop worrying, we both know that Shepard is one though guy to kill, hell the reapers already killed him once and what did it get them? He got angry and kicked their asses back to dark space."

A knock on the door saved her from being crushed by a 700 pound Krogan. A young marine stepped inside.

"Councilors, Admiral the latest reports. Also we thought you all could use some coffee and snacks" He quickly pushed a cart inside and left the room.

Hacket started reading the new reports while the new council grabbed a snack. This was going to be a long first meeting and they all knew it.

After a few minutes that seemed like ages Hacket stood up and walked through the room nervously pacing up and down. "Okay, first things first. The obvious 18 hours ago the crucible fired. For what we now up until now all reapers just stopped, no signs of movement or life. At that exact same moment the Beam in London vanished and the Geth stopped just like the reapers. The quarian scientists are trying to find out what happened to the Geth since for the time being we can't risk anyone going inside an actual reaper. As long as we have no idea if the reapers might still be active in some way, we can't risk losing people to indoctrination."

"At that exact same moment the Charon relay got hit by that crucible beam and the relay got damaged. All communications outside of the Soll system are down and it seems that we are stuck here. Some parts of our fleets managed to jump the relay before it got hit and we can only hope that they made it through to their respective home worlds. Among these ships that took a jump is the SSV Normandy. Matriach Aethya for all we know your daughter was aboard the Normady wen they hit the relay."

He took a large sip of coffee before continuing. "Now to the rest of the problems, The Citadel is in low orbit around earth. Since the reapers stopped the Citadel is on a slow descent towards earth. Should it crash on the planet just by the sheer mass of the citadel it would most likely destroy the planet. We need to find a way to stop the citadel from crashing. Furthermore space throughout the system is full of wrecks. Not to mention that these also might start crashing into the planet. Travel through the system is difficult for anything larger then a shuttle.  
Last but not least we need to arrange food and medical supply distribution. The biggest problem however is while we have large stockpiles for all the Levo's the problem is the system never had much dextro based supplies so we need a solution to feed the Turians and Quarians."

So there it was no relays communications a big pile of rubble and short on supply's, Hannah thought this must all be a bad dream. No to top it all of she was just made councilor and should now sift through the broken remnants of their civilization.

Admiral Zaal'koris was the first to speak. "Well it seems it's a good thing Shepard brought the Quarians to this war then. Some of our Liveships are here in the system. If we ration properly we should be able to feed both our people and the Turians. Though they won't be to happy with a vegan diet they won't starve. Also might i suggest we drag the debris to one stockpile and try to salvage as much as possible."

Hacket quickly brought up a map of the system. "We could use the earth moon, just drop the debris on the dark side there isn't anything there anyway."

Zaal'Koris looked over the data "should work, low gravity, we could just throw the smaller debris from space until it hits and use it as a salvage yard."

Matriach Aethya pointed at a spot on the map. "There, see that spot near Mars? That's a empty Lagrangian point."

Everyone looked at her confused "Yeah so? What's so special about that?" Wrex sounded a bit confused.

"It's a parking spot in space. They are locations in space where gravitational forces and the orbital motion of a body balance each other. Normally they are used for satellites and such but if we place it correctly we could park the citadel on that one and only need minimal coarse corrections."

"Matriach Aethya, that might just work." Hacket was relieved he had picked the right people for the job.

Hours later they had a list of plans how to tackle the problems of a post reaper galaxy.  
The former crucible scientists would start working on the Charon relay. A few Salarian ships would travel to Arcturus and see if the relay there was still operational. They should be back in 6-7 days with news, if the relay there was operational they could send messages through the comm buoys If not a team was to stay behind and start repairs. Everyone hopped that the other relays where still operational otherwise their task would be much harder.

The latest of the new reports had finally some good news. Commander Bailey and Aria T'loak had survived on the citadel together with a few hundred civilians. Bailey had sent a message that they had found tons of medical supply's at C-Sec customs and Aria had declared herself Queen of Purgatory. Some survivors where found here and there and some of Aria's mercs where already scavenging the presidium for anything useful. Bailey had promised they would all keep an eye out for traces of Shepard. The only bad news in his message was the Keepers had stopped moving.

After the most pressing matters had been addressed the council had voted to all take a few hours of rest.

But being alone was worse then being overworked her thoughts kept circling back to her son. Hopefully he is alright.

* * *

I really like to mix in some actual science to go with the fiction.  
Lagrangian points are "space parking spots", as an example the Herschel space observatory used the Sun Earth L2 until yesterday (29/04/13). Also space junk is already a problem these days, just imagine all those death and destroyed reapers in orbit.


	4. Chapter 4: Pegasus

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

_Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Pegasus**

Pegasus

Hands dragged him back, someone held him while he struggled to get free.

"Kaidan you have to go!"  
"Not going to happen"  
"I mean it Kaidan, you have to leave!"

He looked straight in to Shepards face, no this time he won't be forced to go. He struggled harder he would stay.

Shepard smiled at him "Kaidan you really need to go" Shepards bright blue eyes looked at him. No they weren't blue they started to change, more yellow, bright, burning. A light burned right through Shepards face until all he could see was a bright pulsating light.

He awoke suddenly, it was just a dream. Rubbing his eyes he looked around he was in Shepards room the sun flooded the whole place with a bright light. Well that's the draw back from a ceiling window, way to much light in the morning.

Someone knocked on the door, "Kaidan are you in there?" Damn, Liara now he had to explain why he fell asleep in Shepards room.

"Yes is there something you want Liara?"

The door slid open and Liara and Tali came in. " Kaidan we need to talk in private about something." She stated matter of factly.

Well at least she pretended not to notice that he slept here. "Well here's as good as anyplace i was just checking on the Fish."

"It's about EDI we wanted to speak to you first before Joker finds out." Liara's voice couldn't hide the fact that she was worried.

"Okay, so I guess it's bad and you don't know how to tell him?"

"Edi is gone the AI core is broken. We even lost most systems that she had partially integrated in herself." Tali just blurted out what he feared. But before he could ask anything she just continued. "Even worse some programs that weren't directly interfaced with EDI are gone as if they never existed. We even lost some non software systems. That reaper IFF we had installed gone, broken, won't work anymore. Everything points to a simple fact if it was reaper related it's gone."

Kaidan couldn't hide the horror in his eyes. "Wait everything? What about the relays?"

Liara shot a slightly irritated look towards Tali. "I wouldn't have put it like that. But yes possibly it's all gone. Now Kaidan I would prefer if we don't tell Joker just yet."

" Liara don't you think he should know if the women he loved is dead?" Kaidan almost screamed unbelieving that she wouldn't a friend morn his loved one.

"Kaidan don't get me wrong, i would tell him if we didn't have a backup plan."

"Wait what backup plan?" Now he started to really wonder.

"Well we might have made a copy of EDI before the battle. That copy might still be in the Sol system. She is a program after all, so we thought in case the Normandy get's destroyed it would be worth a shot to copy her." Liara was a bit unsure how he might react to that. But Kaidans smile directly eased her down.

"That's great but wouldn't a copy also be lost? Kaidan hated himself for always thinking of the worst case scenario first.

"Not necessary, see we didn't use a digital copy it's a physical copy." Liara didn't know how to explain it. She looked a bit helpless at Tali.

Tali started explaining in a soft voice. "See programs are code, that code could be written down in a rock. If you put the code back in a computer you would have a copy of the program. Well we wrote out the code that makes EDI EDI we just used a laser and a big polished glass cube."

Now Kaidan was startled "Wait that would even work? And wouldn't that be a enormous amount of code?"

"The Geth came up with that idea. So we just made a backup of EDI just in case. While yes it's an incredible amount of data that's why we used a laser and a glass cube it can hold really big amounts of data. If you write small enough and use three dimensions." The Quarian spoke as if he should know all this.

"Kaidan the storing technique actually stems from your earth. Back in your early 21 first century you made hand sized disks containing a book in over a thousand languages. Well we sort of did the same with our backup just we dropped it on Pluto before the battle. Together with one of my reaper warnings and a Geth backup. It should be still there." Liara hopped it would all be clear now.

He pondered a bit, copy an AI and hope for the best. Well he couldn't let his friend down and Shepard would do it without a doubt. "Okay but we have to tell Joker something. Maybe not the complete truth just, tell him you can't figure out what's wrong with her until we get back to a space port or something." Okay that's not even a full lie just a bit of bending the truth.

"Okay Kaidan that's probably for the best. Also Traynor is back, she didn't look happy. I'll see if Glyph can make something out of the holos they made." Liara looked at the fish tank a sadness in her eyes.

Wen Kaidan finally joined everyone in the mess hall for their status update Traynor and Joker where almost tearing each other apart.

"You find a solution if you know everything better!"  
"Oh but you're the one forgetting that space travel involves 4 dimensions."  
"See that's just not helpful. You really want us to be stuck here don't you."

Kaidan took a deep breath whatever this was it was about he really didn't want to know.

"Silence!" Kaidan yelled on the top of his lungs.

All eyes turned towards him. Well i have their attention at least something. "Now please calm down and tell me what the problem is."

Traynor was the first who spoke. "We have nothing, the few stars we can see don't really show us anything we can identify for certain. There is a large debris field on the outer orbit that blocks a large portion of our view. We probably need to move out of the system and just pick a star that's familiar."

Joker snorted. "Which is a stupid idea since we can't just pick a star and fly towards it. By the time we get there the star would be somewhere else. Actually it wouldn't even be where we see it. Even if we knew what star we are flying towards we don't know where we are so that star could be thousands of light-years away."

Kaidan thought for a moment what to do they where both right to some degree. "Okay people if we can't find anything on the holos by nightfall I want Cortez joker and Glyph outside. And Tali any chance we could get a telescope? Maybe we can find something if we look closer."

Tali pondered a while before she spoke "I saw some parts we could reuse and build a makeshift telescope of, we just need a lens and some..." She spoke to herself while she already wandered of to the cargo bay.

"People anything else I should know about?" Kaidan hopped there weren't any new problems.

"Only one thing, don't go outside it's early in the morning and already the light is extremely bright. Probably will only get worse during the day. Might just be that Turians are more light sensitive but it's really not pleasant out there." And whit that everyone went on to help repairs along however they could.

By the time it got dark again a few of the crew set out with Tali's makeshift telescope. The ship was pretty empty but Kaidan wanted some quiet a migraine started plaguing him. Dr. Chakwas had told him to rest but he couldn't, he had to get Shepards crew home. He heard Shepard in the back of his head "Really Kaidan two days of command and already stressed? It took my death to slow me down." No Shepard wouldn't be so mean but the headache was making Kaidan grumpy. Reading his reports he sat down on Shepards bed again. Now for the first time noticed a letter on the night stand.

_John honey, _

_I know you have a lot on your plate. But please call from time to time. Seems I heard more from you wen you where under lock down then now. It's okay you rather write then talk but still._

_Look son I'm sorry i tried to talk you in to confessing your love. But really forget the regulations for once. It won't always end as bad as it did on Elysium. Or do you really think both of your parents could have been alliance officers if we didn't bend the regulations at one point. You should finally have some happiness with someone you love. Life isn't just about duty and work._

_Okay I'm doing it again. Son I just need to say, I love you please call if you can._

_Mom_

_PS.: Some kids over here at the project wanted to thank you and made some drawing of their hero._

So Shepard was in love with someone. Kaidan felt jealous. But it would explain why Shepard turned him down back at Appolo's. It had hurt then but to now know there had been someone else and he just didn't tell anyone hurt even more.  
Kaidan lay on his back looking at the dark sky above him.  
"Shepard why didn't you just tell me."  
Kaidan finally fell asleep. His thoughts still with Shepard.

Hands dragged him back, someone held him while he struggled to get free.

"Kaidan you have to go!"  
"Not going to happen"  
"I mean it Kaidan, you have to leave!"  
"No I won't!"  
"Kaidan look at me please take a close look. I'm not kidding you have to go Kaidan."  
"I can't Shepard, I can't do it."  
"Like it or not you have to, tell him Vega."  
"No Shephard I won't not this time."  
"Kaidan LOOK at me! I mean it."

He looked in Shepards deep blue eyes they weren't blue they became yellow almost white the light piercing him rippling through the image of Shepard. Until that tremendous bright pulsing light was all he could see.

Kaidan awoke the room was flooded with the bright light. Damn that dream again. He looked at the floor his eyes slowly adjusting to the light. Then it hit him, why would Shepard talk to James in his dream. James wasn't there Garrus had been the one to pull him on the Normandy. But he hadn't said James he had said Vega. Like Vega, look at me take a close look. The sun was the answer!

Kaidan ran towards the mess hall. He had to see if it could be that simple.

Everyone was already discussing multiple theories wen he ran in. Immediately Joker reported no success, nothing new. Maybe they should really just fly in one direction and hope to get lucky.

Kaidan was a bit out of breath and dizzy from jumping up so fast after waking up. "Anyone have a Bright star Catalogue handy?"

Cortez handed him one. " Here but I don't see how that could help."

"Have to look at something." Vega like star, pulsating light which means it's a Gamma Doradus variable. "Anyone made a scan of that sun out there?"

"Yes but why would that be important?"

"Just show me the data Liara." There it was right in front of him. The surface layers are depleted in iron peak elements which means it's a Lambda Boötis star, add in the debris disk they mentioned and he found it.

"Okay everyone just one question. How many stars in the Galaxy are simultaneously a Gamma Doradus variable, a Lambda Boötis type, and a Vega-like star that also have a debris disk? Anyone?" He smiled he found it.

"Sorry Kaidan but did you get hit on the head or something? That's just to much weird for one morning."

"No only some strange dreams Joker, and before you ask they led me to a simple answer. There is only one such star known in the galaxy 'HR 8799, It's part of the Pegasus constellation and actually we are standing on one of the very first planets Humanity confirmed existed. But that's the good news. The bad news is the reason why no one ever bothered to give it a name, the closest Relay is the Arcturus relay somewhat more then a hundred light-years away."

"Wait Kaidan, you dreamt the solution? DR. Chackwas Kaidan has hit his head really bad." Joker said in a whinny tone.

Liara grabbed the data. "Wait joker he is right it's the only possible match. Now I want to know what kind of dream that was."

Kaidans face went a shade towards red. "ehm, something about Shepard back on earth. Not important I believe it was more the sunlight in the morning that gave it away. Just some subconsciousness thingy probably."

James voice rumbled through the room "Know what we should name the star Shepard then. Only one true Shepard in the Galaxy."

"That is actually a great idea James." Liara smiled and made a note to change the name of the star the second they got in communications range.

"Everyone I want a coarse to Arcturus plotted, Joker find the best route and give me an estimate how long we would need. I want this ship on her way home ASAP."

Shepard we are coming home!

* * *

The star system mentioned is real, sadly it doesn't have a pretty name.  
Navigation in space would be terrible without a good navigation system. Or in this case a really unique star system. Just think about it everything moves all the time and it can take thousands of years for the light of a star to reach us.


	5. Chapter 5: Waiting

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting.  
_

___Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Waiting**

Six days, six whole days had past and sill no word about her son. She had to face the truth he would probably have died. Most likely somewhere alone in a dark corner of the citadel where no one would find him. She looked over the reports again, nothing not a single clue that would lead them to her son. Admiral Hacket had asked her to consider pulling forces away from the search to help with the general salvage and repair operations, but she couldn't, she just needed to know what had happened. It was a selfish notion, yes but she didn't care anymore, her son was the savior of the galaxy. At the least that galaxy could search for his body.

Admiral Hacket had wanted to them to sign of on a memorial service. But thankfully the other councilors had agreed that she would be the one to decide about that. Really her son had gone two years being presumed death before, why would she agree to a funeral after only a few days.

Wrex had even told Hacket to 'Shove it where Sol won't shine.' after he asked again. That Krogan might be harsh in his choice of words but his loyalty to Shepard was limitless. She actually enjoyed the moments he came to meet her. He would drink a lot and talk about some of the crazy stuff he did while aboard the Normandy. But ultimately she could sense he respected John for the things he did, not just because some alliance fool said he was a war hero.

She looked at the paper Hacket had sent again and threw it in the corner. No, if a Krogan believed Shepard would sooner turn up laughing at his own funeral, then she wasn't the one to tell anyone otherwise. Hacket could stuff his memorial where sol won't shine.

* * *

Somewhere down the line something must have gone wrong. Bailey really didn't know what had gone wrong but somehow he had gone from a comfortable C-Sec job at the wards, to a pawn in Udina's game, to now one of Aria's Bitches. Not that he was complaining, working with and under Aria was actually a lot more pleasant then sorting through the political BS under Udina. Not to mention that Udina had been the worst possible kind of asshole, one that worked for Cerberus.

But really how did he get from a nice little job to following Aria T'loak of all people...

Might be that she was the only one crazy enough to kick those reapers out of Purgatory, heck that woman had defended the bar with more passion and aggression then his own men had shown to save their own hides.

Wen they had met up she had given him a non standard issue gun and said to defend the entrance. She didn't care about anything except for the booze and that the reapers who suddenly started flooding the citadel died. She might be one though bitch but wen the reapers suddenly dropped dead she had ordered her men to search for survivors and supplies. He still didn't know how she managed to get those mercs and guns past C-Sec but he was long past caring about such trivial things.

Heck the woman even told him to report to the council wen they found large supplies in C-Sec customs. In return the council had send them soldiers to help sift through the rubble. All under Aria's command. Actually he was happy that he wasn't the one in charge. Aria might be one though horrible bitch but she actually did something to improve their current situation and no amount of red tape was going to hold her back.

Now he was sifting through debris in the Presidium, nothing special he imagined they would take a while to clear the whole citadel. But wen a Krogan called him over he knew this day just got a whole of a lot more complicated.

Under a large piece of debris was a badly burned corpse. Wen he looked at the dog tags he knew this wasn't his day.

Systems Alliance  
Commander John Shepard  
Specter

Shit he just found the only man he considered a friendly acquittance in the last years. Now the council will really start the political BS again. Bailey ordered the Krogan to make pictures and secure the area. After he made sure the message was sent of as a priority to the Destiny Ascension he returned to inform Aria of the situation.

* * *

Wrex stormed through the door, he hadn't even knocked.  
"Wrex! I'm not even dressed what the hell is going on?" She yelled.

"Sorry Hannah, they found his body. Thought you want to know, also brought whiskey. You need it." Wrex quickly explained.

She didn't believe him. "They what? No he... can't be!" Tears in her eyes.

"Look I'm no diplomat and certainly not subtle, but Bailey sent the report. The alliance is bringing in his body they will be here in 30 minutes. And sorry thought you rather wanted to know then me doing some emotional dance before telling you." Wrex ran to her closet grabbed the first thing he saw and threw it her way. "Now dress up, drink and come with me. We both know we won't believe it's him until we see it ourselves."

She quickly dressed, Wrex didn't even bother to leave the room he just grabbed to glasses and filled them with whiskey. He might not be subtle or emotional but he was here wen she needed someone.

After they drank their glasses of Whiskey they looked at each other and went to the cargo bay.

Two Marines where unloading a bag, wen they opened it all she saw was a blackened humanoid figure.  
She didn't believe it but the marines assured her, yes the DNA was that of her son. The dog tags where his. But otherwise nothing was left to identify him. His body was burned as if he had been in a prolonged fire. Even her insisting to check dental records had confirmed his identity.

Wrex looked sad. "You're really sure it's him he has the implants? You know those things Cerberus put in him back in the day?" Grasping for every straw.

But the doctor they had called to confirm that just said, all the implants where a molten mess. But yes he was full of them, more then anything you would normally find in any alliance soldier.

Hannah gave up, her son was dead. Hacket would get his funeral service then.

Wrex embraced her. "Hey, Hannah I have a barrel of Rincol in my quarters, think you need something stronger now."

Hannah let the tears come, she didn't care anymore. Her son was gone and the last time they had spoken they had gotten in an argument. That made it even worse. If they just had talked once said something good, but no the last memory of her son was his anger he had hung up and all that because she had told him to follow his heart for once.

Wrex went silent after a while he whispered. "Whatever you decide to do now, the council will back you. Otherwise I will force them to do it your way. Just give the Normandy some time to get here. They will want to say goodbye this time."

She nodded and starred in to an empty void. Wrex had at some point decided she should go to bed and carried her to her room.

* * *

In a dark corner between piles of rubble two figures met.

"Any problems with the mission?"  
"Nothing, of note."  
"You're sure no one has seen you?"  
"No one, took care of the hired help myself, no one but me knows what happened."  
"And the evidence?"  
"Forged just as planned. They won't find anything suspicious."  
"Thank you for your services, my employer really appreciates your work."

The last one who spoke pulled a gun and shot the other one point blank in the head.  
"Sorry, but my employer said no witnesses." The man set a fire to the corpse of the other one and left.

Somewhere in the dark prying eyes had seen it all happen "Now this has gotten a whole lot more interesting." The shadow whispered to itself.


	6. Chapter 6: Going Home

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting.  
_

___Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Going Home**

Kaidan looked at the time again. "Joker how long till he reach Arcturus?"

"Kaidan an hour less then the last time you asked. We should be there in a few hours." Joker' said lightly annoyed.

He had been asking more and more the last few days. But he just finally wanted to get back to Earth. But then what, Shepard was in love with someone. He felt the jealousy rise again. No Kaidan you're not going that route. He told himself. Whoever it is Shepard deserves to be happy and he is your best friend he needs you as a friend he had made that clear enough.

He looked again at his omnitool it had been Eleven solar days since the battle. Two days stranded on the planet Nine days traveling at FTL. Joker had opted for a safer route giving them a chance to discharge the drive core, so they could keep up the prolonged FTL travel longer. Though they might have been faster at top speed no one was willing to risk an uncontrolled drive core discharge that could kill them if the systems didn't hold.

He went through everything again from the last few days, since the had left the System. Now called Shepard had been boring, well except for the debate to name the four planets in the system Liara had won that one. The planets where now called Vengeance, Vendetta, Hope and Victory. But otherwise boring, traveling, keep the ship running, nothing to do. At least he didn't have any dreams anymore. Those must have been his subconsciousness telling him something now obvious.

While he stood there deep in thought James had come to him "Hey Major, got you a sandwich. The doc said she worries you didn't eat enough." James shrugged as if he didn't understand.

"James, no using of ranks. I told you I'm sick of them." Kaidan said with a smile. He knew now Would come a typical James reply.

"Kaidan serious, she said you aren't doing to well. Maybe rest a bit go and sleep, eat. I promise, I will get you the second we are close to the relay."

Damn he must look like shit if even James was starting to get concerned.  
"Okay James, I wanted to check on Shepards fish anyway, but the second we have communications you call me."

"Sure, just rest a bit." The marine shrugged and pushed him towards the elevator.

He went towards Shepards cabin, he had been sleeping here the last few days. Reading and looking at the images children had made for Shepard. Somehow it made him feel better, more at peace. But this time he just lay down in bed with the intention to finally sleep.

_Shepards apartment everyone was having a great time. Kaidan had made a fool of himself asking Shepard if he could do anything. Such a stupid thing to ask, Shepard was always prepared for everything. In this case that meant he had food and drinks stocked to serve a whole Krogan platoon. But He just wanted that Shepard took a rest himself._

_At some point Everyone was teasing Shepard about that ring on his dog tags._  
_"Who's the lucky woman?", "She stealing our commander?"._

_Suddenly Shepard turned to Kaidan._  
_"Look at me!"_  
_"Wait what?"_  
_"Kaidan promise me, LOOK at me!"_  
_"Shepard what do you mean?"_

_Something golden flashed up and Shepard was gone._

"Hey Kaidan wake up." James called over the comm.

"What's up James?" Kaidan said confused.

"Got near the relay. Something came up. You might want to get down here."

Kaidan stood up, now what was that dream about.  
He went to the CIC and hoped the weird could stop for today.

"Kaidan, good you're here we have a connection to Captain Ihad vas Iktomi." Joker burst out he couldn't keep himself from laughing.

Kaidan looked confused until "Oh, ehm well don't mention the name Joker that's to much."

Joker laughed, "You know, I don't think they know what that means. But that makes it even funnier."

"Joker put a sock in it and put the Captain through." Kaidan hopped he wouldn't burst out laughing to the captains face.

"Captain Alenko I presume?" The voice on the other side of the com asked.

"Actually it's Major, the Normandy never has a captain." Now Kaidan wondered about that himself why didn't they make Shepard captain after Anderson was 'promoted' away.

"Yes well whatever your people may call you. Captain we noticed your course is set for the relay. We have to ask you to change your course." Captain Ihad said in a serious tone.

"May I ask what happened? We kind of got stranded. We don't even know what happened to the reapers." Now Kaidan was getting worried.

"I see, well I can send you a copy of the official reports. At least those we have, our last contact with the council was a few days back. Sorry to tell you, but both Charon and Arcturus relays are damaged. Could be even more relays are out of order." Ihads voice sounded a bit desperate.

"I see, we will alter our course appropriately." Damn and the trip to earth would take even longer as assumed.

"Oh and my medical officer asks if it would be possible for you to transport a few injured patients and refugees we picked up to earth."

"Sure, sent the pickup coordinates to my pilot." Injured people weren't a problem maybe someone new to take care of would keep Chakwas of his back.

Kaidan walked towards the cockpit. "Hey, Joker got the update?"

"You mean the don't use relays, but take a detour on foot? Yeah got it. Already recalculating our trajectory. We could discharge the core here and travel at top speed for a change should shave the duration down to 2 days." Jokers voice sounded sarcastic. "BTW Kaidan always funny that the Quarians insist on calling commanding officers Captain. Shepard tried telling them a dozen times he was a commander. Didn't stop them though."

"Yeah, but I always wondered why the Normandy never got a Captain. Look I should inform Dr. Chakwas that she got some work coming her way. Sent me those reports vas iktomi mentioned." Kaidan had to laugh.

"See now your mean, I can't Joke about that but you have to rub it in. Not cool Kaidan." Joker waved his hand. "Just leave me here."

Two hours later they had met up with the Iktomi, now they had 5 refugees in the medbay and a bunch of reports that finally explained what had happened after the crucible had fired. Kaidan had summoned the crew to the mess to inform them.

"Dear passengers of Joker tours, we have to inform you that due to unexpected technical meltdown our trip will take longer then expected. Also note that we will charge extra for the extended stay aboard our luxury holiday ship." Joker said over the comm system.

"Thank you Joker for informing us, but I have a formal complaint the pilot is less then professional and the food is horrible." Garrus Replied.

"People let's be serious just one moment." Kaidan tried to stop the fooling around.

"Kaidan you're getting more and more boring by the day." Joker replied.

"Yeah, I have work to do. Now serious people. It seems that the reapers are defeated. But there was some mayor damage to the relays and the citadel. The Iktomi warned us that travel in the Sol system is difficult with all the fleets stranded there. Also mayor piles of debris floating around. But the good news is we will be home in two days." Kaidan made the update quick answered any questions the crew had and promised they would all have a stiff drink once they where home. Heck the Normady had a big supply of drinks aboard.

That evening Kaidan slept better then in the last months. Finally they knew the war was over.

_Shepard Looked at Kaidan "Hey"_  
_"Shepard, need any help?"_  
_"No Kaidan enjoy yourself it's a party."_  
_"I could get some drinks or food or..."_  
_"No Kaidan, just relax. Just one thing you have to do..."_  
_"Anything Shepard just ask."_  
_"Look at me!"_

Kaidan woke up.  
"Damn this has got to stop."

* * *

Somewhere in a dark corner Aria met with a person hidden in the shadows.

"They say you're the best thief in the system."

"Nope, in the galaxy more like it."

"Whatever, I need you to break in to a specific place."

"Just break in? Not steal me the Mona Lisa or something exiting?"

"No, I need something delivered. To a very specific person. Without anyone finding out."

"Okay, but see I'm a thief i normally take things. So I want to know what it is before I decide."

Aria threw the thief a small shinny object. "Just this ring."

The thief looked at the ring. "Hey, that's.."

"That's why I want it delivered in secret. No one else can know."

"Consider it done."


	7. Chapter 7: Home

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

_Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Home**

"Kaidan we have an incoming message, it's from the council." Joker said exited.

"Well put them through!" Kaidan was relieved finally they where close to home.

"Spectre Alenko! Now you're a sight for sore eyes."

Wait was that Wrex? Can't be Kaidan thought. "Wrex? Is that you?"

"Sure is, Spectre. Those Pyjaks must have been hit on the head a few to many times. You know what the best thing is?" Wrex roared.

"Ehm you can now make demands?" Kaidan was confused this isn't normal is it.

"Nope I can tell a Spectre what to do. You're mine now Alenko." Wrex laughed.

"Okay Wrex you had your fun now where is the real council?" Kaidan didn't believe someone would give that Krogan a seat on the council.

"You're talking to the council, actually tell Liara her father is on it as well. Oh and Shepards mom too. Actually Hannah want's you to report in the second you get here. We need to talk Kaidan it's... Well just come to the Destiny Ascension." Wrex got serious all of a sudden.

"Okay Wrex but I have to drop of some refugees we picked up from the Iktomy first."

"We have people for that here on the ship, so just move your ass over here." The krogan cut the communication off.

* * *

"Hannah The Normandy has docked." Wrex stood before her.

"Kaidan will be brought here. I'll go and join Hacket for the debriefing of the crew."

"Thanks Wrex." Hannah looked at the floor.

"You're sure you want to do this alone?" Wrex wasn't sure anymore if this was a good idea.

"I have to Wrex." She raised her head. Then she took two glasses and a bottle of Whiskey.

"Okay but don't drink everything without me!" The Krogan snorted and left her alone.

* * *

Kaidan hadn't expected this. The moment they docked with the Destiny Ascension the whole crew was escorted to a debriefing. They hadn't even had time to see the refugees taken care of before being escorted away.  
Kaidan got pulled aside by a Salarian Spectre. "Special meeting" the Salarian had said.  
Now he was standing in the private quarters of Shepards mother.

"Admiral." Kaidan Saluted.

The woman stood with her back towards him hunched over a desk.

"First don't call me that, second don't even think about calling me Councilor. Stop the saluting and crap. I can't take it anymore." She didn't even turn around to face him.

"Ma'am, What should I call you then?" Now he was unsure what this was all about.

"Hannah, I would prefer to stick to first names." Her voice was a bit unstable.

"Okay Hannah, then please call me Kaidan."

"Kaidan please sit, I need to talk with you. I..." She took a deep breath. "I hope you like Whiskey." She poured two glasses. Wen she finally turned around to face Kaidan he felt a horrible feeling creeping up on him. The woman looked as if she had been crying.

"It's about Shepard isn't it?" He hoped he would be wrong.

"Yes he is... he's..." She just couldn't bring herself to say it.

"No, it can't be. Is it absolutely sure?" He felt a pain tearing through his body.

"It's him. I even asked for a second DNA test to be sure. He's gone." She looked Kaidan in the eyes. Damn she had those same blue eyes as John.

"Look at me" echoed through Kaidans head.

"I don't know what to say. He is.. was... No it's not right. He saved us all and now this?" Kaidan gave in to the tears. "But why tell me? Why not at the debriefing?" Kaidan was confused.

Hannah drank her glass empty in one big gulp. "Kaidan he considered you to be his friend. Did he ever tell anyone why he joined the Alliance?"

Kaidan thought about it for a while. "No actually he never mentioned it really, I always thought it was because you and his father where Alliance."

"No nothing as simple as that.  
Back wen he was a kid John only had one close friend. Another boy about the same age, Mikael I believe his name was. Anyway for a few years Mikael and John where always doing things together fooling around. It was actually nice to see him have some fun for a change, space life can be dull for kids at times. Wen john was 16 Mikael's parents where transferred to Mindoir. After a while John wanted to go visit his friend, so I arranged to take him with me while the ship I was serving on was near Mindoir. John would have gotten a shuttle ride to the planet and spent a few weeks there, just it never came to that."

She poured herself another glass of Whiskey.

"Before we even came close to the system a distress call reached us. Batarian raiders attacked Mindoir. John never got to see his friend again. That day John swore to join the Alliance."

"Wait he lost his friend at Mindoir? But..."

"The day John turned 18 he signed up with the alliance. We didn't speak often after that anymore, he only focused on the Alliance. I think he never got over his friends death. He never let anyone get really close to him anymore, John was dead set on stopping horrible things like Mindoir from happening again."

Kaidan suddenly understood why John hat never shown mercy towards Batarians.

"Back wen he was incarcerated by the alliance we spoke a bit. Well actually Lieutenant Vega slipped messages past alliance officials for us. It became clear to me that John had some horrible guilt issues.  
After he was back on the Normandy he called a few times."

"Yeah, I kind of found a letter you sent him." Kaidan felt guilty.

"The last time we spoke he hung up after we where both getting a bit louder about our opinions." She looked at her glass between her hands. "The last time I spoke with my son was not good."

"I'm sorry Hannah. But why are you telling me all of this?" Kaidan put a hand on hers.

"The few times we did talk he always spoke of you. It almost destroyed him after meeting you at Horizon. He was happy wen you recovered from your injuries and joined him on the Normandy. I just wanted to know who the person was that made him enjoy life in the end."

Kaidan saw flashes from Shepard before his eyes. Always the tinniest hint of a smile that one moment before he became serious. The guilt in his eyes wen he looked at him.  
"Kaidan you have to go!" Kaidan saw his dream flash up before his eyes, that warm smile in Shepards face.  
"Look at me!" Kaidan felt a feeling of warmth rise before cold despair could take a hold of him.  
Tears filled his eyes.

Suddenly he had the urge to see Shepard. If just to make himself clear that this time he was really gone. "Hannah? Could i say goodbye to him?"

His words had startled her. "He isn't really, I mean he... its... horrible."

Kaidan thought about it a moment. "I really need to see him. Otherwise something inside of me would always wonder if it was him."

She nodded. "His body is stored here until the funeral." She whispered.

"I'll come back after I said goodbye." Kaidan promised. Deep in his hart he hopped someone really screwed up. That it wasn't Shepard.

Wen Kaidan was brought to a large table with a body bag on it he really hoped it was all just a nightmare. Shouldn't the hero normally win, survive and live happily ever after? Okay those stories usually involve Dragons and princesses, but whoever wrote those never had seen a reaper.

Wen the bag was opened a blackened burned body appeared. Kaidan couldn't look at it.  
"Look at me!" Shepards voice was screaming inside of his head.  
Kaidan looked he had to. Burned, molten. The armor badly damaged and scorched. It looked like parts had molten under the extreme heat and melted together with parts of Shepards implants. He couldn't even tell it was Shepard for certain. Just the dog tags around his neck made the body's identity clear.

Kaidan grabbed the Salarian doctor. "There is no doubt?"

The Salarian took the chart. "Heavy burns, every bone in his body broken. Most plausible cause of death high force explosion with long exposure to fire. Also massive amounts of implants all destroyed by extreme heat. Ran DNA test twice no doubt. It's Shepard."

"What killed him?"

"Hard to say for sure, most likely impact from explosion would have been sufficient. At the very least the fractures suggest it was hard enough that he wasn't conscious after that." The Salarian looked sorry. "If that's all, patients need me."

"Yeah thanks doc. Just wanted to be certain." Kaidan touched the burned face. "Shepard I'm sorry."

Kaidan left and went back to Hannah, together they could morn.

* * *

That evening everyone met in the Normandy's recreation room. Diana Allers had said she promised Shepard a Beckenstein wake.

At some point all of them had given in to drinking as it would have been the thing Shepard had wanted. One chair at the bar was kept empty with a glass filled with expensive Brandy in front of it. Allers had said it was a gift for the death. At some point Garrus had raised a glass and made a toast to Shepard. "May he not be alone waiting at the bar for long."

After a few hours Kaidan was alone sitting on the floor looking in to the empty void of space.  
He had already mourned Shepard the first time, but Shepard had been revived back then. Why couldn't he just come back again. Kaidan refused to believe it was truly the end.

_"Kaidan! Look at me!" Shepard smiled._  
_"Shepard, I... I'm sorry."_  
_"Pscht Kaidan it's alright." Shepards smile was warm and friendly._  
_"Shepard, I ...I..."_  
_"Kaidan? Will you finally look at me?"_  
_"I am looking at you!"_  
_"No Kaidan look closely!" Shepard raised his hand and lay it on his chest near his heart."_

"Hey, Kaidan wake up!"

"What? Damn another dream."

"Wake up sleepyhead!"

"Kasumi what the hell are you doing here?"

"Look I was hired to break in to someplace. But I figured, that was before the Normandy came back. Now I know this isn't as exiting as breaking in to the councils chambers but well." The thief had a naughty smile around her lips.

"Wait what are you talking about. Damn i feel like crap, could you start making sense now?"

"Okay, here. I was Hired to deliver it to a certain human councilor." Kasumi handed Kaidan a small item wrapped in leather. "Funny thing is I never had to steal something once and deliver it twice before..."

Kaidan opened the leather wrapping and a ring appeared in his hand. "What I don't understand."

"Remember the party on the Citadel? Garrus had asked me to steal that ring from Shepard. Look on the inside."

Ashley  
Mordin  
Thane  
Legion  
and the image of the Normandy

"Wait you stole it from Shepard?"

"Yes, Garrus wanted to engrave those names in. Returned it the next day to him."

"So why do you have it now?"

"Funny thing, someone found it on the Citadel. Between a large pile of debris. The intresting part is Shepard always wore it on his dog tags."

Kaidan's dream flashed before his eyes _"Look at me"_ Shepards hand moving to his chest. He jumped up. Kasumi where was the ring found? And where was the Body found?"

"Don't know the details but you might want to ask a certain Aria T'loak. She hired me to deliver it to Shepards mother."

Kaidan hugged Kasumi "Thank you!"

"Hey and about the ring don't mention it to anyone. Might ruin my reputation as a thief."


	8. Chapter 8: Doubt

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

_Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Doubt**

"How is Project Deimos coming along?"

"We should have results within the next 24 hours, the preliminary tests are positive. The implants should all work within the set parameters."

"Good, Report wen Deimos is ready to go."

* * *

Two days after their return to earth.

kaidan had awoken that morning feeling much better. There was at least a small hope that the corpse wasn't Shepard after all. Just now the question remained how to tackle this new problem. He couldn't tell just anyone. kaidan walked to the mess to grab breakfast while he considered who to talk to wen suddenly he bumped in to an unexpected face.

"EDI?"

"Yes, kaidan. Sorry I was just on my way to see Jeff."

"Wait you're back? Weren't you ehm... gone?"

"I suffered some kind of disablement. But Tali was able to replace the broken routines with my backup. I have some kind of ehm... Let's call it memory loss though. I have nothing in my databases after the attack on Cerberus. But Tali assured me we have defeated the reapers."

"Oh yeah they mentioned a backup, just didn't expect to see you so soon i guess."

"kaidan? Can i ask something?"

"You just did EDI."

"Oh I see my inquiry to ask a question was a question by itself. I shall adjust my programming to avoid such problems in the future."

"Ehm, okay you at least didn't change much. So what did you wanted to ask?"

"kaidan while the crew seems under a certain level of stress and despair due to the loss of Shepard your vitals are strangely relaxed. Why is that?"

Well no hiding the truth to an all knowing AI, well there he had someone who could help him at least.  
"Well EDI, you might be the one to help me with a... ehm problem. Actually you might be the best choice to see if what I think is possible."

"Okay Major, we will talk in a moment i want to see Jeff first if that's okay?"

"EDI go and see him. He sure can use some good news for once."

kaidan went and grabbed his breakfast. At least some things can be fixed by a software update.

After an hour he met up with EDI in the AI core. She didn't have full control over the Normandy's systems yet so he had to wait for her platform to arrive.

"Edi by now you heard everything about Shepard I presume?"

"Yes, his death is the first thing everyone speaks about."

"Okay what if i told you I believe he isn't that corpse they found?"

EDI stayed silent for a moment. "kaidan I just went through the Alliance reports, they are accurate."

"Yeah, everyone tells me that but... Do you remember the Party on the Citadel?"

"Of course I remember."

"Do you remember this?" He handed her the ring.

Edi turned the ring. "This is the ring I gave to Shepard, he carried it on his dog tags. What is this about kaidan?"

"EDI that ring was not on the corpse they claim was Shepard. It was even found at a different location on the citadel."

"Is the source reliable?"

"Kasumi gave it to me two days ago. She was hired to deliver it to Shepards mother."

EDI paused for a moment. "Then kaidan the other possibility is... The corpse is a clone and someone did not know about the ring. Normally it would be to improbable to suggest. Then again Shepard is known to have had at least one clone and do the implausible."

"EDI, see that's why I really love that you're back. You don't just believe me with little convincing. You just solved my last question."

"kaidan, I would caution you not to tell everyone. Whoever placed a false body for the Alliance to find could have a high level access."

"I know EDI. But in order to find out what happened to him we will need some help and a plan."

"I would suggest keeping this to the Normandy's primary staff."

"Yeah, we will need to talk to them. EDI lock our conversation down, use my Spectre authorization and make anything involving our last conversation restricted."

"I would advice you to hide the ring kaidan."

"Yeah, i know just the place to keep it EDI." kaidan took his dog tags and hung the ring on the chain. Hiding it under his clothing.

* * *

"Admiral Hacket, sir." A young Marine ran up to him.

"What's wrong boy?"

"Sir, Commander Bailey just reported in. The teams on the Citadel have found the body of Admiral Anderson."

"Good to hear sent an alliance team to recover him."

"Sir, there is a slight problem. Aria refused to let any alliance military in the vicinity of the body."

"What is this all about all of a sudden?"

"Sir Aria specifically said to sent in spectre or she would personally kick our men out. She might have used some different words though."

"She better has a damn good reason to act up all of a sudden. I'll take care of it."

* * *

"kaidan priority message from the council. Just let me know if you want to pull a Shepard on them EDI improved the lost signal routine." Joker's voice sounded over the com system.

"Joker not cool, I would never do that."

"Yeah that's what you say now but just wait until they start ignoring you too."

"Joker, quit it. I'll take the call in the Observation lounge."

kaidan locked the door so no one would disturb him. Then he activated the vid-conference.

"Councilors? Anything i can help you with?"

"Hey kaidan got a job for you. Hacket 'requested' to send someone to meet with Aria T'loak. It's kind of simple he said, go to the citadel grab the body of Admiral Anderson and return it to the Alliance." Wrex grinned while he explained the task.

"Ehm Wrex you're kidding right? Just a pickup? Why would you need me for that?"

"Well there might have been a mention of Aria threatening to tear the Alliance soldiers a new one. So he asked us to sent a spectre." Wrex almost laughed wen he said that.

kaidan considered a moment telling the council his suspicions about Shepard. But decided against it and hey he was being sent to the exact person he wanted to see anyway.  
"We will go as soon as I have my crew ready."

After wrex cut the connection kaidan started walking back and forth. "Aria stopping the alliance to get Andersons body is strange. Sending Kasumi with the ring is even stranger what is that woman up to? But the big question is what does it have to do with Shepard." He murmerd to himself.

After a moment of collecting his thoughts he decided he needed his team to figure it out.  
"EDI, I want the main crew assembled in the observation lounge."

After everyone had arrived he locked the door again. "First things first whatever we speak of can't leave this room." Wen everyone agreed he said to EDi "Unlock our last conversation Spectre authorization kaidan Alenko."

"Wait you can lock EDI down? Why didn't anyone tell me that." Joker said slightly annoyed.

"Jeff, I agreed to it after Shepards clone took over the Normandy. It's to avoid any of their mission data leaking should anyone lock me out of the ship again.  
Which reminds me kaidan, since Shepard is at least for the moment considered deceased, my protocols have transferred his files to yours. There are currently 517 reports and one personal message you can access." EDI looked at kaidan "Oh I see you should probably read the message wen you are alone kaidan."

"Wait," Liara blurted out. "Am I the only one who wonders why EDI the overly precise AI said at least for the moment considered deceased?"

"Now that you mention it, Edi must have a bug or something since we patched her up again." Tali started scanning EDI with her omnitool.

"It's alright you two, EDI works perfectly normal." kaidan then explained them why he believed it wasn't Shepards body.

After a long discussion they agreed on a course of action.  
Liara had decided the best thing she could do is try and reactivate as much of the Shadow Brokers sources.  
While Tali would go to the Destiny Ascension to help with the Geth reactivation. Though that was just a good excuse to set Liara up with direct information from the council.  
Tomorrow kaidan would go and have a chat with Aria, pick up a body and hope she could shed some light on the situation.


	9. Chapter 9: Citadel

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting.  
_

___Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Citadel**

"Citadel this is Steve Cortez from the Normandy shuttle. I have a spectre on board, requesting permission to dock."

"Citadel to Normandy shuttle spectre identification is required."

"The spectre is Kaidan Alenko, he is sending identification codes now."

"Normandy shuttle, your cleared for docking. Aria want's to see him in Purgatory immediately."

"Well, at least they didn't shoot us out of the sky." Steve turned to Kaidan.

"Somehow I think something big must be going on here. Did you see the defense turrets pointing at us?" Kaidan had a bad feeling.

"Don't worry Kaidan. Aria want's to see you for some reason. While she may be a though one. She always does what she thinks is right, even if her methods might be a bit extreme." Garrus thoughtfully assessed the situation.

"You're sure about that Garrus?" Kaidan really wasn't that sure, what if it was a trap.  
But no time to second guess anymore, the shuttle had docked. At least they would find out soon what Aria knew or what game she was playing.

When they stepped out of the shuttle a Batarian greeted them. "Aria want to see you, don't keep her waiting."

"Hey aren't you the guy from the bar on Omega." James interrupted.

"Aren't you the guy who tore a vid screen from the wall?" The Batarian simply stated.

"Dioz mio, the universe is small. Sorry about that back then."

"We should move, Aria hates waiting." The Batarian glared at James.

"Anything we should know about James?" Kaidan whispered.

"Nothing to bad, just a disagreement with some Batarians on Omega back when Shepard blew up the Alpha relay."

"Aria is inside. Please refer from killing, shooting or destroying anything inside." The Batarian rubbed his knuckles while he nodded to the door.

"Okay guys let me do the talking just keep on the lookout for trouble." Kaidan said and went inside.

The place was as if not a single reaper had ever touched it. The music was deafening, people where having a good time, there were even some Asari dancers on the elevator platforms. On the left side of the stairs 2 Batarians blocked the path.  
One of the Batarians stepped infront of Kaidan and scanned him.

"You know, no need for scanning we have our weapons right here."

"Just making sure you are really the spectre we are awaiting. Don't you guys ever expect anyone to confirm you're identity? All clear let them through." The Batarian moved to the side.

"Kaidan Alenko, before you ask. Anyone could claim to be you. My people are just making sure you are who you claim to be. Seems you have that ignorance from Shepard or is it a human thing?" The Asari said mockingly.

"Aria T'loak i presume." Kaidan looked at the Asari, Deep blue, a bit of an attitude. She barely recognized his presence there. She was everything he had heard about her.

She slowly clapped her hands. "Congratulations, you're not as stupid as I thought you would be. You even brought Archangel, you might be a bit smarter then you let on Alenko."

"So enlighten me Aria why did you require a Spectre to retrieve a body?" Kaidan got impatient, this woman was toying with him and he didn't like it at all.

"Someone tried to use me, NO ONE does that unpunished. So the only logical conclusion was to ask for a spectre the moment it was clear you where back."

"Sorry Aria but I don't get it, why do you need me for you're personal problems again?"

"Since they used me in some cover up. I assume the thief went to you instead of to the council. It is what I would have preferred if I had known you where coming back."

"She did." Kaidans hand went automatically to his hearth where the ring was under his armor.

"From your reaction I can see you have it then. It was found somewhere completely unrelated to the body. So tell me why would he part with it?"

"He wouldn't, the place he kept it was secure enough that he wouldn't loose it by accident."

"I thought as much, also that same thief who i saw in Shepards company back on Omega warned me of something.  
There are certain elements on this station that are plotting something, covering up evidence and killing those who know about it. Still sounds like a basic body retrieval?"

Kaidan had to admit it wasn't an easy task anymore and Garrus was right the woman might be a bitch but she was at least honest about why she wanted him.  
"No, not really."

"Now tell me something Alenko. How many reapers used modified spectre grade weapons and special ammunition?"

"What? ehm... none I would say, but what does that have to do with it?" Kaidan was confused now, she was playing him.

"Then why do i have the corpse of a fucking Alliance Admiral, with a bullet in it that could only be fired from a M-77 Paladin using Warp ammunition?" Aria was angry blue biotic energy flowed over her body.

"You wait.. WHAT? It can't be!. That would mean..."

"Yes Alenko now you know why i wanted a spectre, actually why I wanted you, something is wrong. Even more so since Commander Bailey and a group of my men wanted to secure the area till you arrived. We lost contact 5 hours ago. So I ask you who is fucking with me?" Aria got really angry, if her eyes could kill someone would have dropped death in the vicinity.

"Damn this is, just not right. Aria Where do we need to go? Garrus, James prepare for combat we don't know what happened."

"Well at least you are quick to take action. I'll give you the coordinates and a route. Oh and Alenko I would appreciate it if you got Bailey back to me. He is kind of useful to have around." Aria had an insisting look in her eyes.

"We will do what we can, I promise."

Kaidan checked his gun two times before they even left purgatory. Bailey not reporting in after securing the area can't mean anything good.

"Hey eh Kaidan, what was that about the gun?" James asked pulling Kaidan from his own thoughts.

"See my pistol? Shepard bought it, Spectre requisitions, it costs more then half our armory. The ammo Aria talked about? Well I know three people that know how to do that. That crazy biotic Jack we met at the party, Liara and she thought it to Shepard."

"So we are looking at someone who has access to spectre guns and a biotic trick, who was accidently on the citadel during the attack... You don't assume he.." Garrus couldn't finish his words.

"I don't assume anything, who knows what happened no need to speculate. But the ring, Aria stating that it was somewhere else as his corpse. It's just all to much to believe in coincidence." Kaidan sure hoped that it wasn't what it looked like at the moment. If Shepard had killed Anderson... Now that would make things complicated.

They ran from hallway to hallway following the path Aria had given them until after a while they arrived in a dark, bad smelling corridor.

"Is that blood?" James knew the answer before he asked.

"Reminds me of the collector base." A cold shiver ran over Garrus' back.

"Intruders, stop them at all costs!" They heard from somewhere in front of them.

"Bailey? That you?" Kaidan yelled.

The response was instantly, bullets flying in their direction.

"Guess not Bailey." James said while he loaded his gun. "Let's rock this shit!"

Garrus took cover behind a large pile of bloody remains. Sniping anything that popped up for a second. James drew the enemy out by running in the middle and presenting himself as a target whenever his shields where full. Kaidan waited for the right opportunity freezing enemies so Garrus had a clear shot or overloading shields so the others could take the enemy out.

They had to fight for every meter to advance through the corridor. Until at some point they could hear someone yell commands to their enemy.

"Take out their Sniper you morons. Who the fuck thought you guys to fight?"  
"Forget the meathead don't you see they have a Biotic, damn everything I have to do myself."

Kaidan couldn't believe his ears that voice...

"She..." He had barely spoken when he felt as something ripping him apart. He was weakened, something drew the life right out him. Then his shoulder was hit, a bullet shred right through his armor, Kaidan dropped his gun. Before he could pick it up again, a white flash hit him and he was thrown into the wall then he lost consciousness.


	10. Chapter 10: Answers

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting.  
_

___Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Answers**

_Kaidan was somewhere nice and warm. Something felt good here, he couldn't see anything but everything was light around him. The light gave him a feeling of comfort, of inner peace._

_"Kaidan?"_

_A whisper, it called him he turned to search for the source of it._

_"Kaidan? I'm sorry."_

_"Shepard? Is that you?"_

_"Yes Kaidan I'm here, part of me is anyway."_

_"What's here? Where are we?"_

_"I don't know Kaidan I've been here a while it's just here i guess."_

_"Shepard you're not making sense what is here where are we?"_

_"I can't explain it Kaidan. I'm here sometimes i can be somewhere else, but it's getting harder to not be here."_

_"So you're alive then?"_

_"Maybe i can't say anymore. Kaidan I'm sorry I should have..."_

_"Wait! Shepard, I need to tell you..."_

Kaidans eyes suddenly opened. He was disoriented What happened? His shoulder hurt and every muscle in his body ached. He tried sitting up but everything hurt so badly he fell back in to his bed.

"Glad to see you're awake. Had us all scared there for a moment."

"Chakwas?" He couldn't see anyone.

"Yes Kaidan, I admit didn't think you wake up so soon. That was a close one. Thought we lost you there for a second."

"How bad is it?"

"Clean shot, ripped right through your shoulder. A concussion and your vitals where dropped almost as if something drained the life out of you."

"What about the others, what happened to the opposition we faced?"

"The others are okay and why don't you ask them yourself, Garrus has been bothering me to see if you where alright all day."

"Thanks doc."

"I'll sent Garrus in."

Half an hour later Garrus came in with a tray of food.  
"Hey Kaidan, got us scarred there for a minute. Also the doctor said to force this levo crap on you."

"Some leader I am, first time out and I nearly get everyone killed. So what happened after I hit my skull?"

"After you went down the strangest thing happened. The leader of that group suddenly ran away leaving his men behind. Bailey and the Aria's mercs could finally use the distraction and attack from behind. Got everyone except for the leader."

"ehm, Garrus did you hear his voice?"

"Not really, why do you ask Kaidan?"

"Nothing just before i got hit... I could have sworn it was Shepard."

"Kaidan you might have hit your head harder then we thought."

"Yeah must have been the concussion or the blood loss."

Kaidan played with the food on his tray. "Heck I should probably just sleep it of for now."

"Just tell us if you need anything. But resting until you're better would be a good idea. Liara is already gathering information in that area Bailey secured. Aria even threw in a dozen more mercs after she heard that someone had attacked Bailey's team. Something about it being personal now."

"Yeah, she seems to like Bailey. You don't think..."

"Kaiden, I wouldn't dare think about it. But it really looks like it." Garrus pointed at Kaidans food. "Now eat and rest, we will do the rest and tomorrow we might know more."

When Garrus had left him Kaidan closed his eyes. His thoughts haunted him, was it really Shepard maybe he was just hallucinating. Might be his mind was just playing tricks on him. He had been thinking about Shepard the whole day, what if it was all just in his head? But then again what if it wasn't.

* * *

"Deimos care to explain why you didn't complete the mission?"

"Yeah about that... Something important came up."

"We don't care about excuses. You will do as you are told."

"You know I don't care what you want, stop forcing me to do your dirty jobs." Pain soured through his head. It forced him to his knees.

"We made it clear before, you do as we say or we will make you regret it."

"Screw you, I will..." Again that searing pain, he knew he couldn't resist for long anymore.

"You will do nothing, you will do as we say. Now we want you to go to the following coordinates and retrieve something for us. Don't fail us again or you will regret it."

"Shit... You... one day..." He lost control, his body acted on it's own again.

* * *

The next morning Kaidan felt a lot better. Chakwas had given him some great pain meds and it had been a nice dreamless sleep. She had make him promise to keep it easy for a few days but had agreed to let him go as long as he kept out of trouble. Though he had to admit the woman had learned a lot in the last few years, she had even tapped his arm tight just to make sure he wouldn't use it. He was pretty sure something in those meds she had given suppressed his Biotics

While he was trying to balance his food tray on one hand, while making his way to the table. Garrus suddenly grabbed his tray.

"Kaidan you could ask for help you know."

"Garrus, I believe that crafty old woman drugged me! Can't believe she suppressed my Biotics."

"No Kaidan, Liara gave her those pills. Just making sure you weren't going to kill yourself doing something stupid. The doctor said you where already exhausted."

"Damn everyone is conspiring against me now?"

"How do you think we got Shepard to hold still whenever he landed in the medbay?"

"Damn so it's a conspiracy against Biotics? I'm really screwed now." Kaidan felt regret, Shepard he missed him and here he was making lame Jokes.

Garrus must have seen the sadness in Kaidans eyes.

"Hey eh, Kaidan you're up to do some work today?"

"Like what Garrus? Chakwas told me to keep out of combat."

"Yeah no Chakwas would kill me if I gave you a gun... That woman has all kinds of scalpels and pointy things, she could be dangerous."

"You're afraid of needles Garrus?" Kaidan had to laugh.

"No just afraid of doctors who like cutting in to living beings.  
Anyway Liara has analyzed the evidence from the citadel. She and James are returning with Andersons body as we speak. We want to put some holo projectors in the shuttle bay and try to reconstruct what happened there."

"She found anything useful?"

"She said we wouldn't believe it."

"Okay, just call me wen we are ready. I need to do something first."

"Sure will Kaidan. I need to calibrate Liaras projectors anyway."

After Kaidan had eaten he went upstairs he still hadn't read that message Shepard had left. Now he needed to know what was in it or he would never find any peace of mind.

_Kaidan,_  
_If you are reading this then I must have died._  
_I Hope we defeated the Reapers before you ever see this, but maybe that's too much to hope for. _  
_Anyway Kaidan I needed you to know I'm sorry._  
_Sorry for not telling you that I love you._  
_Sorry for not explaining why I turned you down._

_But I need you to know why I couldn't allow it. Back when I was a young stupid marine, I had fallen in love with another Soldier, Dean. Even though it was against the rules we just didn't care. When we planned our shore leave together on Elysium. _

_Well you know how that turned out. _

_But what most don't know is: Dean was there with me. Kaidan he forced me to keep everyone safe, but Dean he didn't make it out. Dean had gone behind the enemy lines to lure them away from us. I saw how he got shot. I had wanted to go to with him, but he had made me swear to keep everyone safe. He was the real hero. _

_After that I just couldn't get involved with someone again, the pain of losing him, I didn't want to go through that again. _  
_But after Virmire, I always asked myself if I chose you because it was the right thing to do or because I was in love. I couldn't let my feelings cloud my judgment so I pushed you away when you laid out your heart before me. _  
_I was afraid Kaidan, Afraid to lose you, afraid to make the wrong choice so I tried to run._  
_Please forgive me._

_John_

Kaidan looked at the time-stamp. The message was written at the night before they attacked the Cerberus base. Kaidan couldn't hold back the tears anymore. "Shepard why didn't you tell me, I would have understood." Kaidan whispered to himself.

Kaidan just sat there for a while thinking about all the lost chances, the time they could have had together. At some point Garrus had signaled for him that they where waiting for him in the shuttle bay.

It had taken a while but Kaidan had gathered himself again. Splashed some water in his face and got to the Shuttle bay.

"Before we start, I have just spoken to Tali. She managed to sneak in our little bugs and we should be able to have full access to Alliance and council databases soon. Also my own sources are slowly back online and there are some interesting reports about those mercenaries you encountered yesterday." Liara said while flipping through pages on a data pad.

"So we know who sent them?" Kaidan asked.

"No, we only know that since the end of the war a new group of mercenaries has formed. They are heavily recruiting from among the Refugee camps. The group is called Styx. Otherwise not much is known at this point."

"Wait Styx, why does that remind me of something?" James interrupted her.

"Because it's ancient Greek it means something along the lines of hate or detestation" Cortez said.

Liara looked at her data pad again punching in some new data. "I'll look in to possible meanings of the name. But I think we should go through the reconstruction."

Edi turned of the lights and the projectors painted a large room at the end of a hallway.

"This here is the continuation of the same hallway you guys where in yesterday. Now some things are unclear but by using blood and DNA traces these are the bits we can put together... Well see for yourself." Liara explained.

The Image showed Shepard walking towards the large room. Stopping a bit before a console where a man stood.  
The Image of Admiral Anderson appeared on the hologram.

"So we know that Anderson stood over there and Shepard came in from here. But then we can't say for sure what happened."

Liara hit a button and the holo changed. "Now from the Ballistics and the blood we found we reconstructed the following..."

The holo Shepard fired a single shot and Anderson was hit in the abdomen.

"Wait what the commander shot Anderson? That can't be true." Steve said in disbelief.

Liara shook her head. "It sure seems like it. The gun, the ammunition. The amount of blood on the floor suggested they stood there for a while before the shot was fired and the gun and ammunition well maybe a handful of people would have had those. But there is more. Something even stranger happened."

The image of Shepard walked to the console and went back to Anderson. Shepard and Anderson sat next to each other.

"So after Shepard shot Anderson they sat next to each other?" Kaidan asked.

"Yes the body of Anderson was found there while a blood pattern from Shepard is towards him massing next to him and then at a certain point back towards the console. Also we know that Admiral Hacket spoke to him at some point. Shepard said he didn't know how to... and he couldn't see. Which suggests he tried to activate the crucible from here."

"So whoever attacked us didn't want to know that Shepard was here or what?" Kaidan still didn't understand what was going on.

"No it's even more strange then that see this floor plate right in front of the console? Well there isn't one there also no blood from anyone. As if it's missing."

"Okay Liara anything else?" Kaidan was confused why would Shepard shoot Anderson it didn't make sense.

"Yes in fact. The ring was found a few stories below this room, also there was a lot of Shepards blood between a pile of Debris near the ring. Actually it looks like that pile of debris fell down from somewhere above this room.  
Also the so called body of Shepard was in a completely different part of the citadel no way he could have gotten there on his own. " Liara took a deep breath and looked in the faces of the others.  
"At some point there must have been a third person in this room we found a bit of blood splattered near the edge. But since there is a large part of the floor missing where everything fell down. We can't be sure if it's even related. We would need to identify what parts of the rubble fit to that floor to find anymore traces of whoever was up there."

"Damn, the third person anything we could use to find out who it was?" Kaidan hopped that would give them an answer.

"No records what so ever, as if he was scrubbed clean from all databases. But we know it was a Human Male and he was a smoker."

"Okay we tell the council the mission was a failure. I want this thing kept secret until we find out who those mercs are and what they want."


	11. Chapter 11: Prepared

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

_Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Prepared**

Hannah sat at her desk, the work piling up in front of her. They had finally gotten a handle on most of the urgent problems. Just one remained, but that one was hard to understand.  
Kaidan had called in after Hacket had asked them to sent a spectre on a stupid retrieval mission. Sending one of the very few spectres in the system to retrieve a corpse was ridiculous enough. But the message Kaidan had sent back to the council was worrying her.

_Mission a complete failure. The package is gone. Need to go off grid for now._

How could a simple pick up become a complete failure? And how was she going to explain to Hacket that nobody was bringing Anderson home. The man was coming to the council meeting today, She had really hoped to have a bit more time to find out what happened on the citadel before being the bringer of bad news.

She grabbed a coffee and some of her files and headed to the council chambers. Wen she arrived the others where already waiting.

"Hey Hannah, should we just start or wait for Hacket to make our day horrible? Wrex said with a grin. "Or you know we could just tell him we have better things to do."

"Ha you believe he would leave it at that? No, we probably should start, we have enough to do already." Hannah grinned at Wrex.

"Good, so as always the first point on the agenda. Should we release Shepards body for a funeral memorial Service. The Alliance is pressing hard that we do, saying closure should be good for morale blahblah... Hannah how do you vote?" Matriach Aethyta Started by reading of the daily schedule.

Hannah looked sad. "Release his body for a funeral."

"So the council votes for no... Wait what? You're sure about that?"

"Yes, I have to face the truth sometime. But I would ask if I.. We could handle this ourselves. I don't want him turned in to some Alliance posterboy again."

"Sure, we can just overrule the Alliance about that. Anyone against that?" Aethyta looked with a hardened face towards her colleagues.

But everyone was behind Hannah in that matter. It was her son after all.

"Well then that's settled Hannah you say what you wish to do and we will take care of it. I will prepare the forms for Admiral Hacket." Aethyta grinned. The Asari had taken a liking to telling people to shut up.

A knock on the door interrupted the meeting. Admiral Hacket had arrived.  
"Excuse me for the delay councilors, There is a bit more traffic at the docking bay then usual."

"No problem Admiral, We have used the time and come to a conclusion that we shall release Shepards body for a Funeral." Aethytas smile widened as she spoke.

"Good, we shall make the preparations." Hacket was relieved.

"No, You won't. We decided to handle the funeral of the most important spectre ourselves." Aethyta had a wicked spark of joy in her eyes.

"But what? He was an alliance marine. We should do a military funeral."

"No SPECTRE. So now that's out of the way we can continue..." Aethyta looked like she enjoyed this way to much.  
"Anyway Admiral about your other ehm delivery. We sent one of our free spectres. Since you asked so nicely. We have the sad duty to inform you that the mission failed. Also Aria has locked all travel to and from the presidium down. Without her direct approval no one gets near that place."

"Wait what how can a simple pickup end in a failure?" Hacket looked stunned by the news.

"We only know that the spectre in question is looking in to the matter. Also the Spectre had to go off grid and authorized Aria complete control over the travel near the Presidium. Commander Bailey confirmed the Spectres Identity."

Hacket tapped his omnitool trying to contact the Normandy "Admiral Hacket to Normandy come in Normandy."

"This is the automatic message answering system VI for the Normandy. The Normandy is currently unavailable. Please leave your message with the nearest Alliance outpost."

"What the?" Hacket cut the connection.

"Yeah, well the Spectre in question is on the only stealth ship that was available at the moment." Aethyta said with a grin from ear to ear.

Hacket wasn't happy, but he knew the council wouldn't tell him more then that. Sure he could guess that Major Alenko had pulled rank for some reason. But what reason could the Normandy crew have to go completely dark. Why would his own people keep this from the Alliance. Heck he could even read in Hannahs eyes that the council didn't have an idea what it was all about. But the one thing Hacket knew, it would get really hard to make everyone move on without a proper memorial for Shepard and Anderson.

Something else bothered him. Why was the Destiny Ascension stocking up on manpower, on his way here he had seen at least two dozen heavily armored men. Normally nobody who wasn't preparing for a mission was armored on board.

He didn't have to wait long to get an answer to that question. Suddenly the alarms went off everywhere and a Salarian stormed in the room carrying a bag full of weapons.

The Salarian dropped the bag and ordered everyone to arm themselves. "We have a security alert, Gunshots near the tech labs. Every floor is being sealed off. Councilors I must ask you all to grab guns and barricade yourself in. My team will set up post down the corridor."

Wrex was the first to grab himself some weapons "Finally something fun is happening here."

At least the councilors all had combat experience. Victus took command inside the room.  
"Wrex pull those cupboards from the wall I want two cover positions on either side of the room. Kirrahe help me with the table in front of the door. Aethyta your with zaal'koris on the left side, Hannah your with me on the right Kirrahe and Hacket take the front position and Wrex I want you direct next to that door."

Wrex grinned and turned to the Salarian who had warned then "You know the drill spectre. Knock before you come in, or I might accidentally shoot you."

Hacket was nonplussed this council moved like a battle hardened unit through the room and within 2 minutes they had rearranged the room in a decent defensible position. "Wait the drill? You mean you practiced this?"

"Off course those meetings get boring after a while. So we spiced them up by random attacks." Wrex said exited.

"What Wrex means to say is. We got bored and at some point decided to spice it up by having Jondum Bau and his men randomly attack us with paint ball guns. After what happened with Cerberus on the Citadel we thought it wasn't a bad idea to prepare for anything." Victus explained While loading his weapons.

"People silent now we need to wait and hear of something is coming our way." Aethyta said and everyone

* * *

Kaidan sat in the Med bay for his checkup, waiting until Dr. Chackwas was done with her tests. He had to rethink the last few days. After they had found out a bit of what happened to Anderson and Shepard they had speculated who could be behind the attack. But it didn't lead to much some theories, a lot of question and nothing that would lead them to solid proof.

Chakwas had told him to be careful but he was healed enough and ready to go. Just go where, Liara and EDI had a hard time finding anything. After they couldn't make out where those mercenaries are or even how they recruited their people. For now they stuck to monitoring communications and placing a few of the Shadow Brokers agents in strategic positions.

Kaidan had only send a short message to the council before he had taken the Normandy off grid, which meant they used the asteroid belt to hide in so no one could see them and pretended their communications where offline. Well they where offline except for the shadow Brokers and a single communications line that recorded messages from whoever tried to contact them. Glyph had fun pretending to be a answering machine. If a VI can have fun that is.

Kaidan had decided to go to the shuttle bay and play some bowling with James. Since the long travel back to earth, where they hadn't much to do for days they had made a habit of using the Cargo bay for bowling. Since they had not much to do but wait anyway it became a more and more normal that everyone was just down there.

"Hey Kaidan I told you no cheating by using biotics man!" James yelled to him.

"I don't cheat."

"Yeah right, If you ever get more then 120 with you Biotics offline I will wear a dress to the next party." Vega joked.

"I'll remind..." Before Kaidan could finish EDI interrupted their game.

"Kaidan, Tali has sent a distress signal from the Destiny Ascension. Also immediately after receiving the message the ships communications are offline. Not even the Brokers network can reach the ship."

"Joker bring us in range. EDI, Liara hack those systems I want Intel. What is happening over there and see if you can get contact to Tali. Garrus, James prepare for combat."

"Kaidan, we will be out of the meteoroid belt and in range of the Destiny Ascension within 30 minutes. Also I must ask to close all shutters and dim the lights to minimize the chance of early detection as much as possible."

Everyone prepared, guns checked, shuttles ready.

Hopefully they would reach the Destiny Ascension in time.


	12. Chapter 12: All for One

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

_Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**One for All**

They crawled through the maintenance ducts of the ship. We must reach the docking area, they had concluded before they had left the people in the labs behind.  
The Creator had given them a data drive and made them promise to deliver it to Normandy. "Whatever happens promise me to deliver the disk to the Normandy." The creator had told them.  
Then the creator had left them and had gone to help the Humans defend the labs.

They had been fortunate the designated enemy was not using the maintenance shafts to move through the ship. But sensors showed movement in the docking area, they would need to find guns in order to defend themselves. They where the only platform that was in a working condition for now. The creator had uploaded data about another platform. The one that designated himself as Legion the one that had achieved true self awareness.

The creator had wanted them to understand what Legion had been and what he sacrificed. Now it was up to them to save their people and bring them back. So Legions sacrifice would mean something. They had understood that the creator had now risked her life to give them a chance to escape. They would help her if they could.

When they neared the docking bay, they saw two shuttles landing and starting to fight the creators enemies. They concluded that to help them would mean raising the probability of mission success. They leaped an enemy from behind and took his gun. They would provide cover for the temporary allies.

* * *

"Garrus take out those engineers, EDI get me control of the doors." Kaidan leaped to action The mercs weren't really organized, just there where so damn many and they had secured the area.

"Kaidan, two behind those crates." James shouted.

"Make that one eh no none... What the who took those out?" Garrus scoped out the area.

"There that one is setting up turrets take him down now." Kaidan ordered, But before anyone could even fire a single shot the engineer dropped dead.  
"What the..."

When they had cleared the area a loud bang made them turn around. Guns raised they looked towards the direction of the sound.

"Alenko Major, Normandy designation allies. We are Geth, Creator Tali'zorah told us to go to Normandy." The geth spoke and lowered it's gun.

"I'll be damned, she is alright then?" Kaidan lowered his gun.

"Creator Tali'zorah Was last seen defending the labs. We where told to bring this data drive to Normandy."

"Go to the left shuttle EDI is in there. If you can tell me anything about the attack that might be helpful."

"We shall relay any information to the Normandy AI. But i... We must go and see if we can be of assistance to creator Tali'zorah." The geth ran off to the shuttle.

"Okay people double time it, we must stop this ASAP!" Kaidan said, in his time with Shepard he had picked up on a few things. First no time to loose, second no time to play nice on the battlefield. Those lessons started to get useful now that everyone had looked at him to take over.

They made their way through the floors of the ship. Cleaning out the mercs trying to stop them and waiting for EDI to bypass the security lockdowns.

"Kaidan, Charles is making his way to the labs through the maintenance shafts. His Intel gave me enough to take over the security feeds." EDI informed them over the communications channel.

"What who is Charles? And where are the mercs, we haven't seen any on this floor."

"Charles de Batz-Castelmore d'Artagnan, I assumed our new Geth friend required a name, after he said he is just one fighting for all, I thought human literature was a good source to give him a name."

"EDI no time for chitchat, a simple 'I gave the Geth a name' would have been enough so where is the enemy?"

"Split in two groups one group is fighting their way to the council. The commands seem to come from the labs however. Tali seems to resist them from breaking in. Also Kaidan sensors indicate Admiral Hacket is with the council."

"Shit, Okay tell the geth.. eh Charles to meet me in the Labs. Garrus, James give the council some fire assistance and draw the enemy away from their position."  
Garrus nodded wen they split up.  
Kaidan ran to the labs, if he could get to the leader of the mercs the others could save the council. Not that the council was helpless against a few mercs, just he wanted answers and if he could get to the leader of this bunch there might be some.

Wen he was near the hallway where the labs where located Kaidan checked his weapons. "Charles what's your position?" He asked over the com.

"We should reach the central laboratory in 2 minutes. Major Alenko there are 12 armed designated enemies north of your position. We suggest you wait for us to reach the ventilation shaft otherwise your survival chances would be only 12,5%"

Yeah, always nice to have someone remind you of how low your chances are. "Okay Charles but I would bet my chances would be closer to 13%"

"Negative, we have already accounted for what Legion called the Garrus paradox."

"Well just say wen. I'm ready, can see three from my position." Kaidan waited, annoyed by how low the geth said his chances where. Really they where so depressing.

"Alenko Major, we are in position as soon as you make your move we will take out the ones furthest away from you. It should distract them."

"Okay Charles, here goes 13%."

"45% now that we are here."

Kaidan snorted, really the geth thought he was worth 32% of Kaidans chance to survive now that was mean. Kaidan shot the first target. Wen the second moved to see what happened he used his biotics to tap the enemies vitals and easily dispatched of the third. Then he heard the shots from somewhere in the back, that must be Charles. The mercs got uneasy and started moving out of the room, Only to stumble over their fallen comrades. Good thing he took the M-11 Suppressor they never heard where the shots came from.

After he had taken out his fifth merc, there was no movement anymore, he had to get closer to the door now. "Charles status?"

"Counting those that you took out nine down. The Leader is bunkered down with two others, we don't have a clear shot."

"Okay. I'm moving to the door give me cover."

"Acknowledged."

Kaidan made his way to the door in silence. If he could get the jump on those mercs maybe Charles could get a clear shot. But before he could look around the corner all hell broke loose.  
Bullets where flying left and right. He heard something heavy crash into the floor. Kaidan tried using the short moments where there where no gunshots to get a view of the situation but a thick smoke screen blocked his view.

When he finally saw one of the enemies, Kaidan tried taking a shot at him. But something threw him back. In the last moments before he lost consciousness he heard the typical mechanical sound of the geth voice. Designated ally...

Everything went dark.

* * *

A few floors higher up Garrus and James where drawing the mercs to their position. Jundom Bau and his men had fallen back to the council chambers.

"Now this is FUN" Wrex had roared over the sounds of battle.

James had lured the mercs towards Garrus so he could take them out one by one.

At some point they had heard an explosion somewhere in the distance. "Must be somewhere else." James had yelled through the floor.

Garrus was worried the only other big merc group left was where Kaidan was heading. Hopefully it wasn't near him.

It didn't take long before Wrex stormed out through the hallway, quickly followed by the council. The rest of the mercs suddenly started running a big heavy krogan in a battle rage is frightening after all. Garrus placed his shots carefully and the last mercs that came close got to meet James who waited around a corner for them.

When the last merc lay at their feet Garrus called in to EDI to update their status.

"What do you mean lost contact to Kaidan and Charles?"

"Kaidan is disappeared from my sensors along with everything in the labs wen that explosion went off."

"Damn EDI, any mercs left?"

"Only smaller groups. The path to the labs is showing no activity however. Garrus my sensors indicate no life signs in the Labs."

"Shit. James!" Garrus yelled to the marine. "Grab the council escort them to shuttle alpha. I need to check on the labs something happened."

"Scars you don't mean the major and sparks are..."

"Nah, probably nothing. Just making sure. Lady's, gentlemen, Wrex please follow the nice marine to the shuttle bay. I don't take no for an answer, a spectre told me to get you to safety and this place is sure not safe."

"Sure Garrus, but I sure as hell hope you finally got some better food on that ship." Wrex grinned.

James laughed "Hey we even have a bowling alley in the cargo bay. Plus I believe someone left a barrel of rincol for a certain guy named wrex."

James leaded the council and admiral hacket to the docking bay.

Garrus moved to the labs in fear of what he might find there.


	13. Chapter 13: Cover Up

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

_Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Cover Up**

Garrus ran through the corridors, coming to a stop wen he turned the last corner.  
The dust had started to settle but everywhere he could see the damage the explosion had left behind.

"Kaidan? " Garrus yelled through the corridor, readying his weapon just in case the mercenaries where still around.

"Garrus is that you?" A familiar suit bent around the corner.

"Tali, spirits you're okay. " Garrus ran over until he was in front of her. Quickly wrapping his arm around her and pulling her in a tight embrace. "Have you seen Kaidan, he should have been here somewhere."

"Kaidan is fine, he got knocked out, but nothing serious"

"and Charles?"

"Who's Charles?" Tali cocked her head slightly.

"Ehm, the Geth I mean."

"Killah, sent a Geth for a minute to the Normandy and someone is bound to give it a name." Tali's hand went to her face, shaking her head in disbelief. "Yes the Geth is here, it got fried though the mercenaries set of some kind of EMP explosive before they ran. I was able to recover his memory core but we will need to fix the platform before trying to reactivate him."

"Good he seemed nice and he might have some more intel we could use. Lets get the Geth and Kaidan back to the Normandy."

* * *

_"Kaidan!"_

_"Shepard, am I dreaming again?"_

_John looked sad. "I'm so sorry Kaidan."_

_"What, why are you always apologizing?"_

_"Kaidan please, just forget me. I'm gone. There is nothing left."_

_"No, shepard I must find you. I must..."_

_John shook his head. "Kaidan it's too late. You could never have reached me in time, it just wasn't meant to be."_

_"No! I wont give up. I must find you." Kaidan couldn't believe it, how could Shepard be so stubborn._

_"Kaidan you where always way to stubborn for your own good. Forget about me it's to late. I'm gone."_

_"NO! I wont accept that!"_

_Shepards face was wet with tears. "Kaidan you need to give up on me or you won't survive it. You know it."_

_"Shepard I can't. I will never give up."_

_"You know I'm gone Kaidan. Just think, you already know it. Now just give up, it's over." Shepards hand moved to Kaidans chest resting where the ring hung on it's chain._  
_"I love you Kaidan. Farewell."_

"NOOO..." Kaidan sat upright. What the fuck?

"Hey sleepy" James sat on a chair next to him. "Really half of the time I see you you're knocked out, should call you sleepy from now on." James had a grin on his face.

"What happened?"

"Sure hopped you could tell us. We have been keeping watch next to you. The Doctor said you just got knocked out. So eh what's with the yelling NO?"

"Ehm, nothing just some bad dreams." Kaidan wasn't going to share something so personal. "So, the council?"

"Safe, have them onboard till the destiny ascension is secure again. Hacket was pissd about us going dark, but happy we kicked his ass out of the crap he was in."

"Tali?"

"Oh sparks? She's onboard again, patching up our Geth friend he got fried a bit after some explosion. If you're up to it we can have the debriefing. Though you can just pretend you have a migraine or something. Don't think the debrief will be fun with an Admiral and the council onboard."

"Hacket is onboard? Did he find out about Anderson?"

"Nope Liara took the stasis pod to her chambers. No one gets in there without her permission, Glyph has fun playing the bouncer, guess the little VI took lessons from Grunt."

"Thanks, i should really rest some more. Tell the others the debrief won't happen before tomorrow." Which would also give him extra time to make up a cover story.

"Sure, I'll inform DR. Chakwas that you wanted to sleep some more. You might want stick to the sickbay though. With the ship full of important people."

"I'm not always up in Shepards room!"

"No only whenever you're sleeping. Kaidan we have an all seeing AI onboard remember?"

"Damn EDI they could just ask her anything."

"Don't worry Kaidan, Liara took the liberty of locking my mission logs. She made a serious case that it fell under a Spectre confidentiality protocol I didn't even know existed." EDI's disembodied voice sounded over the med-bay speaker.

"Okay thanks EDI. James." Kaidan nodded and laid back on his bed. A few hours of sleep would really help.

Kaidan woke up hours later, the Normandy was silent only a the engine hums where to be heard.  
"EDI what the time is it?"

"We are currently at 3:15AM standard sol cycle."

"The councilors and the Admiral where are they?"

"They are in the crew quarters, asleep."

"Thanks EDI." Kaidan sat up he wasn't tired anymore might be a bit early but now was the perfect time to catch up on reports and Intel before the debriefing took place. Also he really needed to invent a believable cover story for their mission.

Kaidan walked out of the Med bay and made some coffee and breakfast. Like every morning he got annoyed by the horrible coffee that no matter how you made it always tasted burnt. Okay it kept him awake but the stuff was disgusting.  
He loaded the reports from the attack on a data pad and read through them. A lot of ifs and maybes in those reports. He would need Liara to solve this. Kaidan walked over to Liara's room wen he was about to knock on the door it just slid open.

Glyph hovered in front of him "Hello Major please come inside."

"Ehm Liara awake?"

"Here Kaidan" She sat on her bed between a pile of reports. Next to her was the stasis pod.

"Geez why are you up so early or is it late?"

"I could ask the same about you Kaidan. But no it's early, just wanted to work on these reports before the council wakes up."

"Yeah about those i guess we need to make up a cover story about what really happened on the citadel now."

"Already done. We only need to cover up two details. The part where we have Andersons body and the part where we actually saw the area. Aria has seen to it that another room had a little explosion. The new version is simple we came to late, the mercs had stormed the place and set of an explosive device there was nothing left and Andersons body is nowhere to be found. We went dark to search who was behind the explosion. Accidently the same merc group who attacked the council."

"Ehm you sure they will buy it?"

"Sure, no one is allowed near the presidium at the moment. Plus we have footage of the burned out and utterly destroyed room. Even has an image of a dead burned merc body."

"Wait she didn't?"

"No Kaidan they just took one of the dead mercs you encountered and placed him conveniently there."

"How did you get Aria to cover us anyway?"  
"Nothing special, I mentioned Bailey could be taken in for questioning if the Alliance found out what happened, Also I might have mentioned that my father is the new Asari councilor."

"So she and Bailey huh?"

"I wouldn't say anything, but she likes having him around for some reason." Liara grinned a bit.

"About yesterday do we have to change anything about that?"

"No the truth is we have not much to go on anyway. But Kaidan something feels wrong about all of this."

"What do you mean?"

"Well first the citadel, if someone near the council or Alliance command had told Styx then why weren't they there sooner? I mean we waited until the next day to go there. But instead of going to the Citadel the minute Alliance command knew about it those mercs appeared only hours before we did."

"Yeah well I thought it was just luck we got there in time."

"Something else is wrong Kaidan whenever we get a lead on them, they disappear before we can do anything. Now the attack on the council? Think about it for a minute, it just so happens to take place at the same time Admiral Hacket has a meeting with the council."

"Coincidence?"

"Maybe but it's starting to be a few to many coincidences to my liking."

"Keep searching and Liara maybe we should keep a close eye on our councilors and the Admiral for now. Maybe we find a leak somewhere."

Liara nodded and fiddled with her data pads. Kaidan knew she would be reassigning the brokers contacts in the next few days. Well the more Intel she could provide, the better their chances became of catching these bastards.

Kaidan left Liara to her work. It was getting early anyway, soon everyone would be busy doing their daily tasks. Kaidan wanted to be alone for now. His thoughts wandering of to Shepard regret filled him, regret he didn't have a chance to truly spent time with him. Regret that he never would never have a chance to tell him how he truly felt. He knew Shepard was gone, the only mystery was how and why anyone would want to hide his body.

Kaidan sat alone in the med bay, his dreams haunting him. "You know I'm gone Kaidan. Just think, you already know that." Johns voice repeated in Kaidan's head. He knew there was no way John would have survived Kaidan just didn't want to admit it. But he knew.

* * *

"You Failed us!"

"Yeah know what? Screw you. You're stupid mercenaries suck." The pain overtook his body, no he couldn't give in he has to resist it.

"We can force you to do as we command." The voice got angry.

"See I get it now you can't actually force me. Sure you can torture me, you can control me to a certain degree. But what did that Asari scientist say. 'There is a balance between control and usefulness', sure you can try to completely control me. But what good would I be as a mindless hull to you." He grinned, torture was bad yes but he was sure they needed him for something.

"You feel smart don't you? But this isn't some reaper indoctrination. We have other methods to control you." The voice was getting angry.

He braced himself, any moment now they would make him regret speaking up, but it was worth it he knew he had hit a nerve.  
"You know screw you, maybe you can force me to do your dirty work, but you will regret it!"  
The response didn't take long, a flash of pain forced him on the floor.

The pain took over his whole body until he passed out.


	14. Chapter 14: Debriefing

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

_Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Debriefing**

The debriefing went rather smooth. Hacket had been suspicious at first but he council had backed their claims about what happened on the citadel.  
Kaidan suspected that Liara's Intel might have been enough of a tip for the council.

Preliminary reports about the Destiny Ascension where more interesting. Someone had tampered with the security systems, giving Styx complete access to the whole ship before attacking.

"So let me get this straight Admiral Tali'zorah had a way of contacting you all along?" Hacket said disapproving.

"Yes, well we left her communication codes intact wen we went dark." Hers and a few dozen of the brokers Kaidan thought.

"Okay I get why you went dark after that encounter on the citadel. But why not give a report to the council or me?"

"Admiral we couldn't risk that a leak near either the council or alliance command tipped of those mercenaries."

"Okay any theories why did they went after the council then?" The Admiral wasn't happy with what little answers he was getting, but it's no use to argue with the councilors anyway. They made it pretty clear that their Spectres had a free hand in the matter.

"We suspect the council was only a secondary target. The one giving orders was actually near the labs. Sir, from what we could reconstruct it seems they where after the Geth."

"Why the Geth? What would a mercenary group want with the Geth?" Zaal'koris asked.

"We're not sure but since they used a EMP-explosive it was probably get the data or destroy it. The only thing that bothers me is that they waited days after the Citadel attack until the day Tali activated Charles." Kaidan pondered. "If they wanted the data or just destroy it why wait until a Geth is activated?"

"Oh Major, just one thing. Your report states the leader knocked you out before the explosion. Why didn't he just kill you?" Hacket inquired.

"I have been asking that myself. It could be he thought the explosion would take care of it." Kaidan was grasping for an explanation.

Hacket thought a bit about what was said before addressing the council. "Councilors, since the destiny ascension is compromised, I would suggest to relocate you to one of the Alliance ships."

"No need Admiral, we decided to stay with the Turian fleet. Their ships seem a lot safer for now, outsiders would stand out more within their military." Aethya grinned. "Hell we would be the only aliens on their ships, unless these mercenaries can find a bunch of Turians to infiltrate the ship, we are safe there."

Kaidan nodded, "Admiral we have arranged transportation for you to return to the Alliance. I will personally see to it that the council reaches their new destination after that."

* * *

He awoke on a cold metal table, bright lights shinning in his eyes. His eyes adapted to the bright light, he slowly got a better image of his surroundings. Some kind of medical facility, monitoring devices everywhere. Who ever had put him here the straps around his hands and feet suggested that the someone was not friendly.

He could hear someone talking in the distance the sounds where muffled but he could pick up on some bits.

"Sir we don't understand how he could resist in the first place."

"I don't care, I want him under control. Brainwash him, remove his memory. I don't care how you do it just go it."

"Sir, just if we go any further Deimos could become a total loss."

Shit they where talking about him, what the hell where they doing to him.

"Damn he is awake, put him under."

He struggled, but it was no use he couldn't get free. The drugs where pulling him under, just before he was gone he remembered.

* * *

The Admiral had left the Normandy, one of the few things Kaidan was actually happy about. The council would stay for a while longer, at least till after the funeral. That was one of the things Kaidan really didn't like. The council has opted to fast track Shepards funeral, so now everyone had to go to a ceremony where they would put a fake body in a casket.

Even if it wasn't Shepard Kaidan didn't like it one bit, he couldn't shake the feeling that everyone was to eager to give up on Shepard. Okay, he admitted to himself except for the Normandy crew no one really knew that it wasn't Shepard but still.  
Kaidan decided it was probably a good idea to let of some of his frustration, a bit of training in the shuttle bay seemed like a good idea.

The second the elevator doors opened he heard cheering. Hannah had just turned around and held her arms up in victory. "See, MR. Vega that is how you throw a strike, now drink."

"The hell is going on here?" Everyone turned to Kaidan.

"Mr. Vega here said he would go easy on me if we played a game." Hannah grinned.

"The stupid pyjak even agreed to take a shot whenever she throws a strike." Wrex roared and hit James on the shoulder.

James took the shot glass and downed it quickly. "Damn, the whole family is mean wen it comes to games."

"Mr. Vega, we only play to win. A quick search could have told you that I have a perfect game every once in a while." Hannah threw the next strike and looked with a slightly evil grin to James.

"Shit... Never bet against a Shepard." James drank another shot.

Kaidan needed to get out of here, even his friends and family had given up on Shepard.  
He spun on his heals and left the shuttle bay.

* * *

Two days, two days had passed and the enemy hadn't shown their face.

Damn this was depressing, the waiting was too much to bare. Kaidan sat in total darkness on Shepard's bed.

They hadn't achieved anything in the last two days. Not a single new lead had opened up and Tali was still working on Charles. Maybe the Geth could help them out, maybe he would remember something about the Mercenaries. It was as if the Mercenaries had just disappeared out of the system.

Tomorrow they would have to go to the Funeral, he almost hoped that Styx would come and crash the party. Would be more interesting then sitting through a funeral for a clone anyway.

Kaidan lay on his back looking out the ceiling window. The view was spectacular, he had a straight view at the asteroids near Jupiter. Kaidan had to laugh Cerberus, Styx all Greek mythology and they had chosen to hide the council among the Trojans. Next thing we know the Greek war gods themselves would get involved in this.

Kaidan crossed his arms behind his head, and whispered to himself.  
"I'll find out what they're up to John, I owe you that much."


	15. Chapter 15: Vancouver

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

_Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Vancouver**

Three days, three fucking days and those assholes didn't show themselves. Kaidan hated waiting, every day that passed those assholes got to recruit more people. They couldn't even stop that, refugee camps where filled with people who lost their homes, friends and families. More then enough where willing to join a merc group if it meant they got out of the camps.

The only good news in the last days was that the scientists got the Charon and Arcturus relay working again. But that where two relays from what a hundred? A thousand? If they had to travel to each relay to go and fix it, it could take decades to fix them all. Just traveling to Omega would take 12 years and that was if one could travel straight through the galactic core. Their only hope was that other colonies and homeworlds would start rebuilding their relays meeting somewhere in the middle.

Kaidan had a bad day, really bad he noticed how everyone onboard avoided him. Where ever he went people suddenly turned around. He didn't care anymore, no to make everything worse today was Shepards official funeral. He had to go there and morn a corpse only a handful of people knew was just a fake.

Mourning a fake Shepard, listening to some Alliance bras telling crap about a man they hadn't taken serious until the enemy had attacked them. Yeah it was a really crappy day.

He took a deep breath, it was time to change in his dress uniform.

* * *

"Deimos, we have a task for you."

The whispers in the back of his head grew stronger, they where always present. Compelling him to do whatever they required of him. Normally he would barely notice the whispers, only when Phobos wanted something from him would they become louder.

"Sure, whatever just give me damn mission details."

"Good Deimos, read through your mission parameters and prepare for deployment."

He kept his face neutral, it didn't matter what they wanted. He would just do the job and be done with it.

He flipped through the mission objectives, destroy something, cause a mass panic and dispose of all hostiles if possible.  
The whispers grew stronger, easy enough he said to himself.

* * *

Normally Kaidan would have been happy to see earth again, but standing here looking out over the English Bay in Vancouver reminded him to much of John. Not too long ago John was incarcerated right here and Kaidan hadn't even bothered to visit him once. Worse when he finally had seen him again Kaidan hadn't kept his mouth shut and had to question everything about John, giving him crap about Cerberus. If he just had gone to see him back then maybe they would have had... But it wouldn't have changed anything, John was gone it wouldn't have changed anything.

Kaidan fought to hold the tears back, wen he felt a hand on his shoulder.

The funeral was everything he had feared it would be. Admirals and councilors giving speeches, talking about the things Shepard had done. Making promises to uphold the memory of those who had sacrificed everything. It was nearly the same bullshit Kaidan had to endure three years ago during John's first funeral.

Though the setup was nicer this time. On an open field overlooking the bay there was a small podium with a rocket. Members of different races had carried the coffin to stand in front of the podium as a symbol for how Shepard had united them all.  
Wrex had even arranged a bar a bit behind the podium, there was a holo of Shepard there. It looked as if an ethereal Shepard was waiting for them to come to him. After the ceremony there would be time for everyone to have a drink and talk without the cameras that where recording the whole thing.

The ceremony went on for a long time, way to long. The sun was slowly disappearing behind the horizon, Torches where lit around the podium.  
In the distance Kaidan could have sworn he saw someone move across the field. His mind must be playing tricks on him, the person in the distance reminded him of how Shepard would casually stroll in a room before all hell broke loose.

Kaidan rubbed his eyes, there was someone coming in their direction. Impossible, security had the whole area locked down.

The coffin was being put in a the rocket. Hannah had her hands on the control, they where ready to send the fake Shepard in to Orbit. Everyone stood up looking at the rocket, music was playing in the background. Kaidan remembered that song ,one of the ancient classics Sinatra, My Way.

The person in the distance was getting closer. "Did no one pay attention to the guy in armor walking towards them?" Kaidan murmured under his breath. Shit armor what the? The person pulled a missile launcher from his back just as Hannah pushed the button and the rocket containing the coffin launched.

Kaidan jumped up, "Take cover!" He yelled at the top of his lungs, while he ran to the podium.

* * *

This was a mission he liked, it was almost poetic. Getting past the guards was easy, they already had a few men on the inside. His people had stunned a some of the guards and taken their armor and weapons. The ceremony took a while but he knew his Que when the torches where lit at the podium, he moved from his hiding spot and walked across the field. Easy enough. Wen the Music started playing he had grinned, he liked the song. He should ask someone what it was called.

Wen the song had neared it's end he had grabbed the missile launcher of his back and targeted the rocket. It exploded nicely, only one guy in the crowed had jumped before the explosion but that didn't matter.

"Phase two is a go" He heard over the short range communicator.

It didn't take long already people where scattered and panicking, wen the flashbang and smoke grenades went off.  
He stood near a bar, grabbed the glass of Brandy someone had placed in front of a holo. "Can just as well wait here and see how this plays out." He thought.  
He kicked against the holo projector, the thing fell over.

"Phase two complete, Deimos proceed to phase three. Your targets are in cover near the podium." The voice said over the communications.

He drew his Heavy pistol and shot a few round in the air, signaling that the game was on for the mercenaries.

Too bad his Helmet didn't allow him to drink the Brandy, it smelled like a really good one, But sadly there was no time for such pleasures.

* * *

Kaidan had jumped up right in time to pull Hannah in to cover.  
"Garrus, James cover the council." But already the situation was going south, some of the security guards had thrown grenades in the crowd. People screamed and ran away, he couldn't make out who was who through the thick smoke. Then there where shots.  
Kaidan pulled the crate with their weapons out from under the podium.

"Damn Major, that's one hell of a great funeral." Wrex roared, off coarse the Krogan was enjoying this over all the talking. Wrex grabbed a shotgun from the weapon stash and jumped right in the action.

Kaidan Grabbed the M77-paladin, to bad they couldn't have just worn armor to a funeral, not as if this wasn't predictable.  
"Everyone get as many civilians out of here as possible, evacuate as planned. Watch out for the security forces they seem to be infiltrated." Kaidan issued his orders to the Normandy crew, at least they where prepared for something. Yeah, something but not this.

He loaded the gun and headed of towards the bar, where he had last seen the guy with the rocket launcher. Probably the one in charge of this attack. If he could just get to that one maybe even take him in for questioning.

* * *

That one guy came running directly to him, the same one that had noticed him earlier. It didn't matter if the Alliance bras came to him, it just made his job easier. The fool was running directly in to a deadly combat in his dress uniform no less. Quickly he laid a singularity directly in the path of Alliance boy. "That should keep you busy."

Damn the other one was prepared, before even running in the Singularity the Alliance boy had brought up his Barrier. 'Okay so a Biotic then, this was becoming more and more fun by the minute.

The voices in the back of his head grew louder.  
_"Dispose of him. "_  
_"He is the traitor."_  
_"Kill him before he kills you."_

He waited for the fool to come a bit closer, then threw another Singularity. This time his attacker got hit. "Barrier already depleted? Good." He said in a sarcastic tone. Now he would just be nice and help his attacker to get closer. "Let's see how you like flying!" He used his Biotics to pull the other guy towards him.

* * *

Damn, the other one was a Biotic, a really powerful Biotic at that. Kaidans barrier barely held up to a singularity from this guy. If he just could get close enough to detonate his barrier he could probably knock the guy out. It was risky but the only chance he saw of taking the Mercenary alive.

He heard the other one yell something, but he couldn't make out the words. One of the grenades had blown a bit closer to his head then he would have liked.  
Another Singularity flew towards him, crap this guy is fast. The only thing Kaidan could do was try to evade the damn thing, But before he managed to even get back up his feet he got pulled to the Biotic. At least now he got there faster, he fell directly in front of the guy. Quickly he tried to get back up. Wen he raised his head the Merc held a gun to his head, so this was how it ends?

"Any last words?" A broken and hoarse voice said.

"Yeah, it ain't over till the Krogan sings!" Kaidan detonated his barrier the other one got thrown back and tumbled over the bar. Kaidan leaped over the bar. The merc leaders helmet had a cracked visor, he only saw the eyes. "What the?" No human should have red glowing eyes. Kaidan knelt down to remove the mercenary's helmet, who or what was this guy?

It had startled him, he should have just pulled the trigger and be done whit this. But the Alliance guy had actually risked everything and detonated his Barrier. He had hit his head pretty hard wen he got thrown over the bar, the whispers in his head where shut out for a moment, when he saw the Alliance soldier standing over him he could clearly read his emotions. Wonder, fear, disgust all there the moment the soldier looked at him. Then pity, was this guy actually feeling sorry for him? When he looked closer the soldier remembered him of something.

He couldn't shake the feeling that he should know this soldier, memories where trying to reach the surface. But the Whispers where back, compelling him to shoot the soldier. He fought the Whispers, it wasn't as hard as before, they didn't hold the same power over him as a few minutes ago. The soldier reached out, he wanted to take his Helmet off, he couldn't let that happen.  
No one should see the monster he was, especially not the soldiers warm brown eyes.

He reached for one of his grenades while the soldier wasn't looking to closely. Wen he dropped it the soldier was sent flying for a moment and dropped leaning against the bar.

* * *

Damn, Kaidan could slap himself. He hadn't noticed that the mercenary had grabbed a grenade. Without his barrier he had made himself an easy target. His whole body hurt from being thrown around so often, armor would have been nice.  
Now the mercenary stood in front of him. The guy seemed to be struggling with himself, as if he couldn't make up his mind what to do next.

"Who are you? What are you?" Kaidan said he hoped he could talk him down.

The mercenary shook his head. "Deimos"

"Just Deimos?" Kaidan wondered, the mercenary's voice had been hoarse and raw. But he heard something familiar in there something soft.  
"Where are you from Deimos?" If he could just keep him talking.

The merc dropped to his knees, he cryed out in pain. "Just... Deimos..."

The guy was suffering, but from what Kaidan couldn't imagine that their little struggle had caused this.

"I... can't... RUN..." The mercenary grabbed his gun.

"Listen you don't have to do anything, I can help you." Kaidan said in a soothing tone.

"RUN!" Deimos yelled, before Kaidan could do anything the guy had shot himself in the shoulder. While he cursed from the pain it seemed he relaxed a bit after that. Whatever this guy was, he had some serious problems when shooting oneself makes you feel better.

Wen Kaidan moved to take the gun away from Deimos he got thrown over the bar. The Merc had run away in the other direction.

* * *

It had been close, the Whispers where getting louder with time, but he had remembered the brown eyes from somewhere. He didn't want to hurt brown eyes. Now he remembered brown eyes had been on the citadel, brown eyes was on the Destiny Ascension. For some reason the whispers wanted brown eyes dead, he wanted to know why.

Only by shooting himself had he been able to shut out the voices, the pain was louder. When he had shot himself he had remembered brown eyes, but slowly the voices where getting louder again. They weren't just telling him what to do they stopped him from remembering something. He would need to find out what.

He had pushed Brown eyes away, he needed to get distance between them before the voices where to powerful to resist.


	16. Chapter 16: Mother

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

_Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Mother**

Kaidan got back up, the strange mercenary had disappeared. No use of searching for the guy now, but something was strange about the guy. Kaidan had seen some pretty weird shit in the last few years from Rachni right up to Cerberus indoctrinating their own people. But this one?  
No something was different about this guy. What did the guy say, "Deimos" but was that just his name?

Kaidan turned around and went back towards the podium, it seemed that the fighting was over. Medics where already taking care of injured people. Wrex had even rounded up some of the security guards and threatened to shoot anyone who gave him a reason.  
"Garrus status?" He called through the com link since he couldn't find anyone from his crew.

"Cortez and EDI are flying the civilians out to a save place, Liara and Tali escorted the councilors back to the ship. Well except Wrex can't get him away from the battle."

"Yeah, I see him here. What about you and James?"

"Securing the area till we have everyone out."

"Thanks, Garrus we'll meet back aboard, if i can get Wrex to leave those guys in one peace."

"Ha good luck with that one Kaidan, you're going to need it."

Kaidan grinned, Garrus was right. Getting Wrex away from the action is probably harder then getting the strange mercenary to surrender.  
Kaidan stopped in his tracks, the strange mercenary! The guy had shot himself, Kaidan ran back to the bar.

Kaidan stood there a moment watching over the bay, he could see the spot. The exact same spot where Shepard had jumped aboard the Normandy when earth was attacked. That was the moment Kaidan had missed his chance, at that exact moment John had become Commander Shepard once again. If he just had visited him once before that day they might have had a shot at being together, but Kaidan had been stubborn, John had that right about him. He had always been to stubborn.

The beeping of his omni tool called him back to the here and now. A new message from his mother no less. Kaidan put it off his mind, he first needed to find something here. After looking a bit closer on the ground he found what he was looking for. Blood from the mercenary. He just needed a sample, maybe he could find out who the guy was.

By the time he had reached Wrex the Salarian spectre was on site with a team.

"Ah, Kaidan Alenko, the council asked me to secure all evidence of what happened here."

"Ehm, good I guess, anything you need?" Shit he didn't need anymore possible security leaks while he investigated this.

"No, we shall secure everything and take the statements of the attendees. The council specifically told me to report everything to you, anything my team should know about?"

"One thing only, there happened absolutely nothing at the bar." Kaidan said hesitating.

"Off course the bar, sadly it got burned when a piece of the rocket fell in to it." The Salarian shook his head and walked of to the bar. Minutes later the place burned.

Kaidan didn't understand this the guy just destroyed the evidence because he said there was nothing there?  
"Hey Wrex whats up with that one?" Kaidan nodded towards the Salarian.

"Jondum Bau? Funny guy for a Salarian. Hannah asked him to cover your tracks. The guy knew Shepard from some mission back during the reaper invasion, believe it was something about Hanar Prostitutes or was it Mistresses. He's okay for a Salarian."

After the mess was cleaned up and Kaidan was sure everyone had been taken care of. He sat in the dark on a chair watching to the stars. "John, I'm trying to hold it together, but I don't know how long I can take it anymore." He whispered in the wind.

His omni tool beeped again. Damn he had forgotten about his mom. He read through the messages, she was in Vancouver at the house. Kaidan looked up, she must have seen the whole thing happening.  
Kaidan quickly replied. "I'm near the house, can be there in 10." She immediately responded. "Good, I was worried."

Kaidan sent a message to the Normany, warning them that he would stay a bit on earth and he would call if anything came up.  
Then he went through some side allies to meet his mom.

The second he knocked at the door she opened, immediately she grabbed him in a tight embrace.

"Kai, you could have told me you where on earth. I was worried sick wen I saw the vids and then the attack..." She almost burst in to tears.

Hmm the nickname again, he hated it whenever she called him Kai. She knew that but it wouldn't stop her from using it anyway.  
"Mom, I'm sorry. I was so caught up in things, I should have called."

"You barely even called in to tell me you were alive." Her voice was just a hint accusatory.

"Again sorry mom." Damn he had forgotten to notify her about his whereabouts. Now he really felt guilty.

His mother finally let go of him, dragging him along inside the apartment.  
"Boy you're way to thin, isn't the Alliance giving you something decent to eat?"  
She immediately went in the kitchen and prepared him some dinner.  
"Now tell me everything. You didn't even mention you became a spectre. I had to learn that from the vids."

Kaidan gave her a quick update about everything that had happened. Mars, how Shepard saved him from an android, how Shepard had defeated the Reapers. How he got stuck on an unknown planet after Shepard fired the Crucible. All the time she just sat there bringing him more food and barely saying a word herself. When he had told her everything she sat there looking at him with a questioning expression written over her face.

"Kai honey, be honest. He was more then just your commanding officer wasn't he?"

Kaidan was stunned his mother had looked right through him.  
"He could have been mom, just well he probably isn't alive anymore. But how did you guess?"

"Honey I might be old but I'm not stupid, you talk of him as if he was the center of the universe."

"It's to late anyway."

"Kai be honest, you just told be he probably isn't alive anymore, but I have seen the vids today. That was his funeral, you don't believe it was him. Kai, I might just be your old mother, but I'm sure you believe there is a chance that he's alive and if he is... I want you to go out there and find him. Then I want to meet the man who stole my little boy from me." She smiled, a warm loving smile. Her eyes gave him reason to believe again.

"Mom, I want to find him but after all the time that has passed... He would have appeared if he was alive."

"Kai, if there is one thing I learned living with a marine my whole life it's this: don't believe anything until you have proof. You wouldn't believe how often your dad didn't come back on schedule, sometimes a mission went wrong. Sometimes they just had some technical problems and couldn't notify anyone. Don't give up."

Kaidan had to swallow hard, dad he couldn't talk about him. But his mom must have read his expression.

"He's still MIA but with the millions missing... I can keep hoping he shows up."

Kaidan saw the tears raise in his mothers eyes, he held her in a tight embrace. "Mom, I hope you are right."

* * *

Somewhere not far away, a person sat in a dark alley hunched in to a corner. Shivering in the cold, bleeding from a wound in the shoulder.

He had to stop the bleeding he knew that, but whenever he pressed a finger in the wound the pain would make his thoughts clearer. He couldn't quit grasp the memories, giant machines, four eyed bugs, death, destruction he just couldn't make sense of it.

Whatever had happened he couldn't quite remember, only flashes of something. But brown eyes had been there he had seen them over and over again. Whenever he thought of the brown warm eyes he felt peaceful. He had to find a way to remember, find out what the whispers had done to him.

He heard the sound of armored boots hitting the pavement in the distance, any moment now they would find him.

* * *

Kaidan awoke in the morning from the smell of fresh coffee. The sun shinning through the window.

"Kai you want sirup with your pancakes?" His mom asked standing in the door holding a cup of coffee.

"Mom you don't have to..."

"No, i don't but it's nice to take care of my son for once." She smiled, well Kaidan wasn't going to deny her the pleasure, especially not wen it meant he got some home cooked meal.

Kaidan took place at the table and dug in, he hadn't had anything as good as this in months. Compared to the thing they called coffee on the Normandy, this was actually tasteful and nice, not just burned bitter black water.

Kaidans Omnitool made an annoying beeping sound, reality called him back. "EDI, can't it wait. I have a pile of pancakes that want eating."

"Kaidan, nice to hear your actually eating for a change." Jokers voice sounded amused. "Anyway, it could wait but we have a development here. Nothing that should keep you from eating. But you might want to come back for this one. Where are you anyway?"

"My moms place, I'll be back as soon as I finished my ice cream." Kaidan laughed.

"Now, you're just being mean Kaidan."

"Tell Cortez to pick me up in half an hour. I just want to say goodbye." Kaidan cut the connection. Grabbed another pile of pancakes and enjoyed his coffee.

"Kai, you're not eating enough?"

Kaidan looked at her she was worried.  
"Mom, don't worry about it. I just was a few days in the med bay that's all."

"Well I'll pack you a bag with some extras. I'm going back to the Orchard anyway."

"No need, but why go back to the Orchard?"

"Kai, I was just here to pick up the last things before moving over to the Orchard anyway. I leased the place to the alliance."

"Wait what, why didn't you mention that earlier?"

"It's nothing really Kai, The construction teams need a place to stay in the city. So i offered them the apartment. I want to stay at the Orchard anyway. The kids need me there."

"Wait what kids?" What was his mother up to.

"Don't worry, there just are so many orphans now. I took a young Asari in, her parents are MIA, Since I have experience with a Biotic son. Well..."

"Mom you said kids, as in plural."

"Yes there are also some workers and their families, I even have a Krogan in the house, strange fellow, fully grown but only about a year old. He guards the area, I believe he mentioned being a friend of your Commander."

"Grunt?" How did anyone get him to do a simple guard job?

"Yes, Grunt. He is nice, once you get around his rough edges. Don't worry Kai, I don't have to do much around the place. Grunt is mostly scaring of anyone who's trespassing and the workers are just there taking care of the Orchard."

Kaidan felt a lot better knowing Grunt was protecting her. "Okay mom, it's just good to know you're taken care of."

Kaidan packed up and went with his mother to the shuttles. Before he left her he handed her the spare omnitool he had in his pocket. "Just in case there ever is an emergency, it's has contact information to a secure network" He had told her before he returned to the Normandy.

* * *

He Paced through his room, if one could even call it a room, there was barely enough space for a bed and a closet.  
He didn't know who he was, he tried remembering anything but it was all empty now. There where feelings, instincts but nothing else was left. He knew there where memories from before today. But whenever he tried to hold on to a single one it was gone. Only the two warm brown eyes where there, he didn't know who they belonged to but he saw them over and over again.

There also where whispers silent, soft voices talking to him. He couldn't understand what they said but he knew what they wanted. Before today there was nothing left, they had told him he was Deimos. They told him he had an accident and he lost his memory, it was up to him to bring the traitors down. He had been fighting the traitors for a long time now. But the leader of the traitors was dodgy and it was up to him to defeat them.

He looked in the small mirror in his room, the face starring back at him was not pretty. He couldn't blame the people in the base for looking at him with fear in their eyes. His skin was riddled by red glowing scars, But his eyes where worse they glowed bright red. He had little in common with the humans here on the base, to them h must really look like the monster they spoke of whenever they thought he couldn't hear them. The only one who wasn't repulsed by his appearance was Phobos, but Phobos looked similar. Not so many scars but the same eyes, Phobos had told him they had been like brothers before the betrayal.

He couldn't stop thinking about the traitors, he couldn't remember ever seeing them before. But Phobos had provided him with footage and reports from before he remembered.

Fighting on the Citadel, where the traitors had captured the body of one of their operatives.  
Fighting on a ship, the traitors had destroyed the data before he could get to it.  
He had even got in a fight with the leader of the traitors when the traitors had sabotaged a funeral.  
There was even some older footage, some of the traitor operatives where by Deimos' side before the betrayal, they had worked together bringing down a lunatic.

He didn't understand it all, but it was clear that the traitors must be stopped.


	17. Chapter 17: Epiphany

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

_Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Epiphany**

When Kaidan arrived on the Normandy EDI was already waiting for him. She came towards him and held something in her hand.

"Kaidan, the Normandy was bugged. Someone has been listening in on us."

"Shit, you caught all bugs?"

"We think so, the devices where centered on the Med Bay and the mess hall. Going from the logs it is reasonable to assume that the refugees you picked up at Arcturus where Styx operatives."

"So the attacks, everything was because they knew?"

"Probably... Yes." EDI cocked her head, it was astonishing how she behaved more and more like a human.

"So ehm how did you find those?" Kaidan pointed to the devices.

"We didn't Charles did. He is currently in the AI core, Kaidan you might want to talk to him."

Kaidan nodded "He is repaired?"

EDI smiled. "Yes, Kaidan you're the only organic that calls him 'he' instead of 'it'."

Kaidan shrugged "EDI, you're a individual , Legion became an individual near the end. If we don't accept them now as individuals after we reactivate them, then how can we ever see them as equals?"

EDI smiled "Thank you Kaidan. You will never understand what it means to hear that. You should go and talk to Charles he refused to talk about what happened without you."

"I'll go as soon as i can, need to look in to something first.

Kaidan went to his locker and dropped of the care package his mom had given him. He planned on having a nice dinner with his friends later that day.  
Kaidan went to the Med Bay, he was sure he could get the help he needed from DR. Chakwas.

"Kaidan you're not feeling well?"

"I'm good, i just wanted to ask you something."

"Okay, what's wrong, you would never come here of your own free will."

"I just wanted to ask you to run a DNA analysis on this sample here." Kaidan handed her a piece of glass with a blood stain on it. "Also do we have any medical data about experiments that gave humans red glowing eyes?"

Katrin looked chocked. "Where did you hear about that?"

"I didn't hear anything, just this one Styx mercenaries his helm got cracked. He had these strange red glowing eyes, almost like the blue indoctrinated Cerberus people. The guy behaved really strange."

Katrin pulled up an image of a pair of red eyes. "Did they look like those?"

Kaidan couldn't believe it that where the exact same eyes he had seen yesterday. "No they didn't look like those, they where exactly the same. Where are they from?"

"The Normandy medical records. Sealed personal files, from back when Cerberus ran the show. Kaidan those are Shepard's eyes."

"Wait, Shepard had blue eyes." Kaidan couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"He used to yes, but those red ones are from his implants, He spent a huge amount of resources, So they wouldn't be visible. Used to be you could see the same red glow through his scars."

"That would mean the mercenary had the same kind of implants?"

"Likely yes, I'll run that analyses if you don't need me for anything else, shouldn't take too long."

"Okay thanks, i need to talk to Charles anyway." Kaidan nodded to the AI core.

Wen he entered the AI core Charles was doing some strange dance moves. When the Geth noticed Kaidan enter he stopped.

"Alenko Major, I.. We are sorry about the way the fight went."

"It's okay Charles and hey i beat the odds you gave me." Kaidan grinned.

"Alenko Major, we seem to have miscalculated the Garrus Paradox, we will adapt our calculations from now on." The plates around the head light shifted.

"EDI said there was something we needed to talk about?"

"Yes, when we where in combat, an anomaly held us from taking action. Our higher runtimes could not reach consensus about a ... conflict that arose."

"Okay Charles what conflict?"

"Alenko Major the designated enemy, was a ally of the Geth. We never before had to face a conflict this one."

"Okay, so do you know who this ally was?"

The Geth's head cocked slightly to the side, plates moving as if he was pondering.

"It appeared to be Shepard Comander."

Kaidans head spun, he felt dizzy. The whole universe slowed down in that moment. The Geth must have made a mistake, it was impossible. Kaidan had to sit down, the Geth don't make mistakes like that. But the idea it was just no... I must be another clone or someone who just looked like him. Kaidan felt miserable.

Charles had watched how Kaidan sank to the floor, he noticed how the humans hart rate increased, his breathing became rapid ."Alenko Major, you are Hyperventilating. Do you require assistance?"

Suddenly the world stopped spinning. Everything was peaceful, warm and beautiful.

_Kaidan stood on a field the grass was just a bit greener then it should be, the sky a hint more Blue then usual. He looked around, the field had a great view of English Bay. A bit further ahead he saw a bar, no not a bar. The same bar where he had been yesterday. Shepard sat at the bar holding a glass of blue liquid._

_Kaidan walked over, no he thought he walked but before he even started to move he suddenly was at the bar._

_"Kaidan have a drink, I've been waiting."_

_Kaidan looked in to the face of the man he loved. Blue eyes, not red. "Why are we here John?"_

_"No idea, Kaidan. But it sure is nice here isn't it?_

_"John, was it you who we have fought?"_

_Shepard looked down at his glass. "You already know the answer Kaidan."_

_"No, i refuse to believe that you would do such a thing."_

_Shepard shook his head. "Kaidan it doesn't matter anymore, I told you I was gone. You have to let go."_

_"I can't, I have to.."_

_Johns hand went up to kaidan's chest. "Kaidan the only reason I'm still here is you, You want me to be here so I am. But I'm gone. This is all that's left."_

_"Be honest would you give up if our places where reversed?"_

_John pondered a moment. "No, I wouldn't have given up on you."_

_"Then don't expect me to."_

_John stood in front of Kaidan pulling him in for a kiss. "You have to live your life Kaidan, just take it one day at a time."_

"Kaidan?" I believe he is awakening.

"Who what, no not again." Kaidan's vision cleared up. He was still in the AI core. Directly in front of him was DR. Chakwas.

"Kaidan you seem to be fine, only your brain activity seems a bit off, but otherwise everything seems okay. So I have to ask why did you say again?"

"It's nothing just dreams." Kaidan felt sorrow, why did the dream always end just that little bit to soon.

"Okay, but you might want to talk about those dreams you're having. Your biometrical readings in the last weeks have been troublesome."

"Really it's nothing. I'm more interested in that blood sample I gave you Doctor."

"About that, may I ask where you got that?"

"From the funeral, why?" Kaidan didn't dare to get his hopes up. It must have been John.

Doctor Chakwas looked uneasy. She clearly didn't want to voice what she thought.

"It's John isn't it?" Kaidan could barely hold his voice steady.

"Yes, but you already seem to know that. So where did you get that blood Kaidan?"

"I told you about the Mercenary with the red eyes. He shot himself and ran of, behaved really strange. Anyway the blood is his. After Charles said he saw Shepard during the attack on the labs it just made sense."

"Kaidan we have to inform the council. His mother should know."

Kaidan shook his head. "No, we have to find him first. But next time we will be prepared." Kaidan typed a message in his omnitool.

Kaidan sat in the mess hall that evening, trying to stomach the horrible coffee the Normandy served.

"Geez Kaidan are you drinking that or do you just want to be holding on to something hot for a change?" Joker grinned.

"The coffee just reminded me about mom, she's all alone now. I just hope she doesn't get lonely on the Orchard." Kaidan looked at his hands. "Since dad is MIA, I don't know, she just seemed so happy to see me."

"Yeah you told me about the pancakes about 10 times in the last few hours. Geez Kaidan, she will be fine, if something happens she'll call you."

"Yeah sure but still, she shouldn't be there alone. But she didn't want to leave."

"Stop worrying Kaidan, let's do something fun for a change. I hear Garrus is challenging James tonight. A friendly sparring, I so want to see James getting his ass kicked."

"Yeah you're right I need to stop worrying."

Both men walked to the elevator, Kaidan had a hard time keeping his expression neutral. EDI waited inside the elevator.

"How did it go?"

"Good."

* * *

"Deimos, I have a special job for you."

"What's up Phobos? Anything on the traitors?"

"I think we might have a way to lure them out. We just received news that someone close to their leader is on earth. Our agents are closing in on the position as we speak."

"You're sure they will show themselves?"

"In this case we can be pretty sure. I want you to prepare a team, it could be beneficial if we set up a good trap to finish them off once and for all."

"Thanks Phobos, I should go."

He couldn't believe it, finally he would be able to catch the traitors off guard.


	18. Chapter 18: Shepard

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

_Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Shepard**

Kaidan sat in the shuttle bay, all they could do now was wait and see if Styx and therefor Deimos would take the bait.  
Waiting made him uneasy, if his plan failed he was risking most of his crew. But if they succeeded well what then? He didn't know for sure. Live happily ever after? Not likely, then they still would need to find out what had happened.

Everyone was a bit tense, Garrus had checked his Black Widow at least 5 times, James had reworked his rifle collection over and over again.  
Even Cortez was going through the Shuttles checklist one more time.

* * *

"Liara tell me again why I'm doing this?"

"Because you are the only one who can pass as Kaidan's mother."

"But I don't do ground missions. Last time I got caught up in something like that... We... The collector base..."

"Don't worry Karin, Grunt will see to your safety. Just keep those tranquilizers ready." Liara guided her towards the house.

"If it weren't for some crazy mission, I could really imagine enjoying this place for a while."

"I'm sure once this is all done, we can all take a bit of a vacation."

"Hah, as if. The Normandy has a habit of getting in the middle of the action."

Liara pointed to the light shinning through the trees. "Don't forget you're Emma Alenko and I'm an Asari orphan you took in."

* * *

He watched out of the small window in the shuttle door. "How long till we get there?"

"ETA 5 minutes." The pilot responded.

Only a few minutes left until he could spring his trap upon the traitors. He went through the Intel once more. Two stories house no basement, a large Orchard around the house. No other houses in the direct vicinity. The target was a 64 Year old woman, husband went MIA. Only a handful of civilians on the premises and a single Krogan.

The Krogan was the biggest unknown but it was only one guy against a dozen of Styx's troops. The good thing was they only needed to make sure that someone called the traitors for help. Then wait and bunker down in the house. Should be easy, but something felt off. He got the distinct feeling there was more to this simple task then Phobos had told him. But before he could question himself again the soft whispers in his head reassured him.

"Sir, approaching LZ."

"Good everyone, do exactly as you where told." He holstered his gun and jumped out of the shuttle.

* * *

"Kaidan was getting nervous, what the hell was taking so long? He couldn't stand the idea of waiting. But finally the words he had been longing to hear sounded over the Normandy's internal com systems.

"Distress call from Alpha Lima Echo November Kilo Oscar two. Objective Sierra Confirmed."

It didn't take 30 seconds until they where seated in the shuttle and ready to take of. This was their chance, maybe the only one they would have.

* * *

The mission had sounded too easy to be true, of course it had to go south the second they got in open combat.  
He had considered that the Krogan could be a problem, he had even thought there might have been some kind of alarm system.  
But no one had told him there would be a whole fucking squad of highly trained alliance marines. To make things worse the Krogan had been toying with them, going as far as letting him get in the house before starting to pick of his men in close quarters.

Now he was trapped with only half a dozen of his team in the living room. If they tried moving forward to the old woman the big Krogan would have the advantage of close quarters and a big ass shotgun. If they tried moving outside, the Alliance guys outside would take his men apart. He needed a plan and quick before he lost even more men.

"Just tackle the Krogan." The Whispers where back.  
"He's no match for you."

The whispers where right off course they where always right. He shifted his weight, preparing himself to storm in to the hallway where the Krogan stood. "You three cover the windows and keep the Alliance out. The rest of you give me cover and follow me once I'm through." He ordered his men.

He took a deep breath and ran to the door, warping the Krogans shields the second he caught sight of him.  
The Krogan lowered his gun a bit, a big grin appeared on his face. "Ha, SHE-PERD finally you come out and dare to engage me personally. This is going to be fun."  
The Krogan stomped with a foot on the floor.

Deimos grinned, "No idea who this Sheperd is, but I'll enjoy ripping your ugly ass apart." Quickly he charged up his Biotics and threw a shockwave to the Krogan. Framed pictures and vases flew through the room shattering upon impact. The Krogan however charged straight into him.

* * *

Kaidan ran through the familiar trees to the house. The ground felt familiar under his feet, the air remembered him of the times he played hide and seek with friends among the trees. He knew every corner of this place something that would give them a huge advantage over the Styx mercenaries.

Suddenly someone grabbed him and pulled him back behind a tree. Garrus and James immediately raised their guns.

A woman raised her hands in a defensive move. "No offence sir, you where just about to run in sight of their snipers."

"Damn, who are you?" He signaled James to secure the perimeter.

"Lieutenant Smith N6, Spec Ops Team Delta." She saluted.

"Okay Lieutenant I guess there is a story as to why you're here, but we have no time for that. My target is around here somewhere and my crew inside the house. So give me the quick rundown of the situation."

"Sir, the hostiles have control of the ground floor. By our estimates the leader and six of his men should still be inside. Miss ehm... Alenko, the Krogan and an Asari are trapped inside the house with them. They have three men shooting anyone who comes within 60 meters of the house. But we can't get a clear view of what's going on inside."

"Okay Lieutenant, I want you and your team covering all exits, don't let any of them escape. But under no circumstance can anyone kill the leader of these hostiles, I need him alive."

"But Sir!"

"No but, if we can't capture him alive we let him run. That's an order." Kaidan pointed with his finger at the woman. She seemed a bit unsure what to do.

"I understand Sir. But there is no way inside the house."

Kaidan let out a soft chuckle. "Good thing then that I grew up in this place."

* * *

Deimos blinked that last punch from the Krogan made his ears ring. They had been going at it for several minutes already but the Krogan didn't seem to tire out.  
His men in the other room had only been able to scratch the big guy a bit but after that he seemed to enjoy this fight even more. Deimos had the feeling the Krogan was only trying to stall him and what the hell was up with the name? Why did the Krogan insist on calling him Shepard all the time.

Finally one of the otherwise useless mercenaries had the bright idea to throw a flashbang grenade in the room. Giving Deimos the precious few seconds he needed to rain down his biotics on the Krogan. Throwing him in the wall. Now he could get to his target. He didn't care anymore for the plan of luring the traitors out. It should suffice to just take the old woman with him and keep her hostage for now.

The second he reached the top of the staircase he heard the Krogan fired his shotgun. He spun around and saw how the Krogan had just shot one of his men. The realization hit him in that instant. The Krogan had not once fired his shotgun during their fight. A memory tried to resurface, a nagging feeling overcame him he had seen the Krogan before. Dark cold Caves, the smell of blood and explosives in the air, a blood dripping figure emerging, relief washing over him forcing sadness away.

Deimos wasn't paying attention to his surroundings when a hard kick hit him in the back. He tumbled over and rolled down the stairs landing directly in front of the Krogan again.

"Need any help Grunt?" He heard coming from the top of the stairs. An Asari stood there gun drawn, pointing at him.

"Nah, just cleaning the house." The Krogan roared with joy as while he shot another one of the mercenaries point blank.

* * *

Kaidan was close to the hatch, the crawlspace was barely large enough so he could fit. He had crawled through this space often as a kid, his parents had laughed about it when he had dug the tunnel as a kid. They might have found it silly but still dad had reinforced the tunnel once it was clear that Kaidan wasn't giving up on his project. Never would he have guessed back then that one day he would get to use it on an real mission.

"Okay I'm at the hatch, change ammunition." He whispered in his comm link.  
Lieutenant Smith and her team would take care of the mercenaries so they had only one target left. He had sent Garrus to barn from where he would have an advantage point overlooking the front side of the house. James was covering the rear exit prepared to rush in the moment they could dispose of the snipers.

Kaidan opened the hatch. Jumping out from under the Kitchen floor he could see one of the snipers standing near the window. Kaidan Froze the guy in place and pushed him out of the window. He heard a few gunshots and new someone must have gotten a clear shot at the guy.

Kaidan walked towards the hallway, taken cover at the kitchen door, he could see Grunt locked in combat with a mercenary. When the mercenary got thrown back in to the wall Kaidan overloaded his shields. Grunt took the opportunity and finished of the mercenary.

* * *

From the corner of his eye he saw someone move near the kitchen door. Deimos knew he hadn't much time left to finish the job. This mission went wrong in more ways then he ever could have imagined. The only chance he saw was getting to the target and using her as a hostage.

In his head he went through his options, the second the third of his men got shot he launched a shockwave up the stairs towards the Asari. Deimos hoped he was right in his accession that no one was going to actually shoot him, the Krogan hadn't even if he could have.

The Asari stumbled only a bit but it was enough to leap to the top of the stairs and push her aside. Deimos ran for the master bedroom and saw his target.

The elderly woman had compassion written all over her face. But it wasn't the woman he had seen in the picture on his briefing.

"Shit." he murmured.

"Shepard let me help you." The woman closed the distance between them.

The Voices in his head yelled out. "TRAITOR!" He grabbed her and with a smooth fast move hold her tight in front of him. Holding his gun against her head.

Kaidan ran up the stairs pulling Liara back up to her feet. "Everything okay?"

"Kaidan he is in the room with Karin. It's I just couldn't..."

"Grunt take care of the hostiles in the house."  
The Krogan grinned and stomped of towards the living room.

"Liara cover me, don't let him get out." She nodded.

Kaidan opened his comm link to everyone of his team, just to make sure everyone was prepared. The he walked in the bedroom gun raised. Shepard had Karin as a hostage using the woman as a shield.

"John, let her go. We can help you."

Deimos looked in to the eyes of the marine in front of him. "Brown Eyes" he whispered under his breath. A memory was scratching in his head trying to claw it's way back to the surface. But the Voices took hold of him before he could truly remember. "I am Deimos, the personification of Terror! Drop your gun traitor or the woman dies."

Kaidan was unsure what to make out of this statement. The man he once knew wasn't noticeable under the hard words and aggressive attitude. Kaidan saw Dr. Chakwas' hand move to her pocket.  
If he could provide her with an opportunity she could use the tranquilizers.  
Kaidan looked at the window, if John would just move a little bit to the right Garrus should have a clear shot. "John, I'm going to put my gun down okay please don't hurt her."

Deimos saw the caring and compassionate Brown eyes, he could lose himself in those eyes. Something about them seemed familiar.  
He shook his head, he had to stay focused. The marine slowly lowered his gun putting it on the floor left of Deimos and his hostage. Then he raised his open hands up in front of him and came a step closer.  
"Don't move or she dies!" He stepped a bit to the side.

"Please let her go, I will order the marines to let you go unharmed if you let her leave with me." Kaidan stretched out his open hand towards Karin. He sure hoped Garrus would take the hint.

Deimos stepped back when the marine came to close, the next thing he knew he heard glass shatter and a burning stinging pain in his right arm. The gun dropped out of his hand. He tried using his Biotics but he couldn't get a hold of himself. Before he could run he felt a sting in his leg, looking down he saw a syringe sticking out of his leg. The whispers in his head died down, before the world turned black a single word passed over his lips.

"Kaidan"


	19. Chapter 19: Amnesia

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

_Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Amnesia**

Shepard hadn't even hit the floor before Karin leapt in to action. The Doctor grabbed a bag from under the bed, preparing her medical gear. "Kaidan tie his hands together, Shepard has a higher tolerance to tranquilizers then normal men." She stopped the bleeding from the gunshot wound in John's arm and set her omnitool to monitor his vitals.

Kaidan pulled of the helmet from John's face, revealing the bright red glowing eyes and scars. "Damn what had those bastards done to him?"

Karin shook her head. "Looks similar to the first time I saw him after Cerberus rebuild him. But I can't say anything for sure until we get him properly examined."

"Cortez, bring in the shuttle we need to get target Sierra to the Normandy." Kaidan waited till he heard Steve confirm that he was on his way. When the shuttle landed he picked up Shepard and wrapped a blanket around the man, Carrying him to the shuttle.

"So it's really Loco?" James waited outside.

Kaidan saw Lieutenant Smith coming nearer, the woman walked with a determination straight towards Kaidan.  
"Yeah it's Loco. James I want you to go with Doctor Chakwas back to the ship. Guard Loco in case he wakes up." He gave James a little nod towards the Lieutenant coming their way.

James pulled the blanket over John's face and carried him away to the shuttle.

Kaidan straightened up when the Lieutenant stood before him.

"Major, the area is secured. My men will patrol the area for now. Shall we send in someone to clean up the house."

"Good and don't bother with clean up, we have a special crew for that." Kaidan pondered a bit, he should remind Jodum Bau not to torch the place this time.

The lieutenant shifted her weight from one foot to another. Clearly she was considering to ask him something else.

"Lieutenant speak your mind."

"Sir, it's just... Well we don't really know what we should write in our report to Alliance command. We where here because the Shadow Broker pulled a few strings. But we still have to report our actions."

Liara cleared her troth coming out of the house. "Lieutenant, don't worry about it, I asked for the Brokers assistance. I'm sure your Alliance will get a satisfactory explanation."

"Liara why did you pull in outside help anyway?" Kaidan wondered about the lieutenant's presence.

"When we arrived here, it became clear that there where far to many civilians Styx could use against us. I thought replacing them with marines was a good idea. But I couldn't risk contacting the Normandy as long as the bugs might still be active. So I pulled in a few favors, being part of Shepards team throughout the war has granted us some favors."

"Good call Liara."  
When the Lieutenant had left Liara whispered. "And she knew Shepard from boot camp, they are old friends."

Kaidan took a deep breath and typed a message to his mother. Telling her she could return in a few days.

* * *

"So explain this to me, you really tried to hook your son up with your CO's daughter?"

Hannah's smile grew broader. "Yeah, not one of my finer moments. I really thought John finally needed to go on a date. He was 17 after all. So I convinced him to take the girl out. It didn't end like anyone could have expected."

"Wait what did your CO think about that?"

"Oh Captain Smith was fine with that. Well at least right up until the point when his daughter came back from the date." Hannah laughed when she remembered that day. "Next thing I knew I ran in to the Captain chasing after my son threatening to beat him to pulp."

"Wait what did he do to the girl?"

"Nothing, but the Captain had only seen how his daughter came home crying and assumed the worst. So anyway, I see John running away up until he was cornered, the Captain grinning and rubbing his fists. Suddenly the captain flew several feet backwards. That was the moment we discovered John was a biotic."

"I think I prefer my son letting his toys levitate to levitating a Captain." Emma chuckled.

"Yeah the Captain was so shocked from the experience he completely forgot why he was angry."

"So why was he angry in the first place?"

"Hah, turns out the girl had a crush on John. When he didn't make a move she tried kissing him. John hadn't reacted to well to that. Apparently the girl was, how did he put it... Annoying"

Both woman where laughing, when Emma's omnitool beeped. "Kai how is it going?"

"Ugh mom, I'm assuming you aren't alone?"

"No, the human councilor and I are just exchanging embarrassing childhood stories from our sons."

"Okay, then it's probably a good thing that the mission went as planned, a team will clean up the house. But your good to return home."

* * *

Kaidan was happy to finally be on the Normandy again, Jodum Bau was taking care of the Orchard and the Alliance was still in the dark about John.  
Kaidan didn't bother stowing his equipment, leaving everything in a corner of the shuttle he stormed off to the med-bay. He had to know how John was doing. Now that he finally had the man back he wasn't going to leave him again.

Kaidan was prepared for a lot, but not for the sight of Charles, EDI and Glyph around the body of what he assumed was Shepard. The three where hard working on something while Doctor Chakwas was sitting in a corner looking over some medical scans.

"Ehm, hello anyone?" The trio didn't seem to notice Kaidan entering.

"Oh, Kaidan you're back. Suppose you want an update?" Chakwas turned around to face him.

"What's up with those three?" Kaidan nodded in the direction of the three synthetics.

"Charles is interfacing with the implants in Shepards head, EDI and Glyph are assisting him. Something about more processing power when they work together."

"They are what? Why?"

"Kaidan it's problematic. Physically there is nothing really wrong with Shepard, at least nothing serious. Just his brain is wired up to a control chip. We don't know if we can remove the thing without risking permanent brain damage. So Charles is trying to find out what was done to him exactly and if he can disable the chip without damaging Shepard."

"But if we disable it he will be himself again?."

Glyph hovered over towards Kaidan. "Major, we can download some of the data on the chip. Disabling is to risky for now. Charles offered to store Geth in the device to shield the commander from outside influence."

"Wont that just give the Geth control over him?"

"Yes, but it's either that or we have to keep the commander sedated until we find a way to extract the device."

"Shit I really hope we won't regret this, do it." Kaidan didn't like the idea to giving Shepard over to Geth control but it seemed at least better then letting Styx do whatever they where doing up till this point.

Charles turned away from shepard and walked towards the AI core. "We are now interfaced with Shepard, his vitals are stable, his thought processes are confusing. We should take time to consider this new information."

Glyph bobbed in the air. "Doctor Chakwas, You can take him of the sedatives."

"Thank you Glyph, ask Liara to search for more information about this type of implants."

Dr. Chakwas moved over and removed the infusion from John's arm. Checking up one last time on his vitals she shrugged and turned. "He wont be up for several hours, there is nothing I can do for him at this point. I'll call you when he wakes up."

"No i will wait here. I.. I.. Just.."

Karin nodded, a small smile on her lips and left the med-bay. He could hear how she talked to James who was sitting in full combat gear in the mess hall.

* * *

_Kaidan sat on a bench between the trees, the sunlight was shinning through the leaves playfully dancing on the grass as the leaves moved softly from a slight breeze._  
_He remembered how he had sat here on the same bench on the evening before he enlisted. That evening he had spent at the Orchard with his mom crying, not wanting him to leave and his dad proud that his son would follow in his footsteps. _

_He heard soft footsteps falling on the grass beside him, slowly turning he looked in deep blue eyes. The eyes that could only belong to John._  
_The man sat next to him on the bench smiling at him._

_"So, you didn't give up on me."_

_"You knew I wouldn't" Kaidan felt pure happiness when he looked at the man he loved._

_"Kaidan. You might have stopped me from going, you might be pulling me back. But I'm still lost in here."_

_"Yeah about that... John what is here?"_

_John bent over laughing. "No idea, but it's always more beautiful when you come and visit me."_

_"Wait John, are you saying this isn't a dream?"_

_"Hell if I know, but who cares we are here now." John wrapped an arm around Kaidan. "What do you say we just sit here and enjoy the view."_

_Kaidan grabbed John's hand. Holding tight never wanting to let go._

_The sun disappeared under the horizon and he felt Johns hand hold on a bit harder then before._

He woke up disoriented, where the hell was he. He tried to remember, there had been a fight. Someone had drugged him. The Whispers where gone, normally there should be whispers telling him what he needed to know but nothing... There was only an empty silence.

He became suddenly aware of a hand holding his, the hand belonged to a man sleeping beside him. He squeezed the hand. The man woke up, raising his head smiling. "Brown eyes" he gasped. He remembered brown eyes, he had been there at the end of the fight.

"Hey John feeling better?" Brown eyes said in a sleepy voice.

He wasn't sure how to react, no voices to guide him, he was alone in an unknown place no armor or weapons. This didn't look very good. "Who's John?" His voice sounded raw.

* * *

"YOU HAVE WHAT!"

"We have lost Deimos sir."

"What the fuck, how do you lose someone like that? Trace him, I don't care how you do it, just do it."

"Yes, sir we will do everything in our power to find him."

"It would be better for you and your team, we don't have use for failures."

"Yes sir, we understand."

* * *

Brown eyes had gone outside with the doctor to talk. They had left him in the med bay with a marine they had called James.  
"So ehm, James was it? What did you do to get guard duty?"

"Shit Loco you really don't remember? Man that's just..."

"Why call me loco? The Krogan called me Shepard and the Major called me John."

"Damn Loco, you now it's because you're all kinds of crazy. Just a nickname."

John tried to remember, but there was nothing.  
John closed his eyes waiting for Kaidan to come back something about him was reassuring, giving him the confidence that he would find out how everything fitted together. If he concentrated a bit he could hear a conversation somewhere on the other side of the door.

Kaidan was getting angry, he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Look Kaidan all I'm saying is that his memory might already be permanently damaged. We don't know if he can ever recover. The decision what to do should be with his next of kin."

"Karin with all due respect what do you think the Alliance will do to him? Last time they locked him up for half a year, this time there will be no reaper invasion to get him out. Not to mention if they ever find out about Admiral Anderson."

"I know Kaidan, but he's a spectre after all and the savior of the whole galaxy. Not even the Alliance bras would risk an incident locking him up."

"Yeah about that, last time I checked his Spectre status was removed the moment he died, not to mention that they already had his funeral for the second time. Just give him some time to recover, at least give us the time to find out who did this to him before we tell anyone he's alive."

"Fine, but we really need to find him an expert, someone who can tell us more about these new implants." Karin gave up, Kaidan wasn't going to give up.

Kaidan spun on his heels and opened the door to the med bay where john sat up the moment he caught sight of Kaidan.

"So this the part where you're gone lock me up?" Shepard shrugged. "Because that seems to be the story of my life." John pointed towards James. "So he's gone be my watchdog?"

"No, as soon as the doctor clears you, you get to move back in your own room." Kaidan pointed towards the ceiling.

"In fact you can leave latter this night, I just want to do a final checkup. But I will have EDI monitor you for the next few days." Karin was already moving her gear in position.

* * *

A few hours later Shepard was standing in front of the elevator. The doctor had told him he could move around the ship freely but he would be monitored through the internal security system. But no one had mentioned to him where his room was. John was considering where he should start to search for his room, would he even recognize it if he found it?

Suddenly a disembodied voice spoke. "Shepard can I be of assistance?"

"Ehm, I was told that i could go to my room, but I don't know where that's supposed to be. Oh and who are you?"

"I see, I'm EDI the ships AI. Your room is on the first floor, Shepard if you need further assistance just speak to me from anywhere on the ship. Also my platform is most of the time in the cockpit with Jeff, my personal slave." She paused for a moment. "That was a joke. Jeff is the pilot."

"ehm tanks EDI." A ships AI making jokes? Just on what kind of a ship was he. John pushed the button to the first floor.

John was taken aback, he had thought that they had given him some small room, maybe something more like the glorified cell Phobos had appointed him to. But this room was huge, damn the whole purpose of the first floor was this room.

"Ehm EDI? Is this some kind of joke?"

"No Shepard these are your private quarters, They have been since the ship was build."

"Your kidding, whose ship is this anyway?"

"The Normandy was under different designations. But she has always been yours Shepard. The Normandy and myself where created for you."

John walked over to the fish tank, pushing the button to feed the fish. He smiled seeing the collection of fish dart up to reach the food.

* * *

Kaidan and Dr. Chakwas sat in the AI core watching John's reactions. "Did he just feed the fish?" Kaidan asked.

"Yes, his neurological reaction seems to indicate he likes the fish, though it's hard to tell he remembers them or just automatically assumed they needed nourishment." Charles answered.

Karin shook her head. "Nah that smile, he might not now it himself but he remembers something about the fish. You should have seen him whenever the little buggers died on him."

"It still feels wrong to just leave him on his own." Kaidan's voice broke away.

"It's the best way, if we all go and bother him with facts of who he used to be he might not be able to process it himself. We only answer when he asks and don't worry Charles can warn us if he has problems."

Kaidan nodded, it would be hard not to run up to him and tell him how he loved him. But John had to find out who he was first, Kaidan would wait for him. Waiting was a lot more easy now that he knew he could see to John's safety.

* * *

_**Note: I've had a lot of strings to clear up after the last chapter, which proved more difficult to write then I imagined.**_


	20. Chapter 20: Hades

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

_Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Hades**

Kaidan was working through the data Liara had gathered. After they had finally found Shepard the leads where somewhat easier to follow. It seemed that Without Shepard Styx was a whole lot less organized, at least the 2 mercenary groups that attacked some food supplies in the last day hadn't been much of a challenge for the Alliance forces.

EDI was trying to triangulate the base of operation from styx by collecting all data they knew Styx had shown themselves. Though it was a slow process verifying the real appearances of Styx. Some of the attacks and recruitment they had seen came from petty criminal organizations.

Kaidan was trying to find anything that could get them a bit closer to stopping Styx, if John could only remember where they had taken him. But apparently Styx hadn't entrusted him with the locations always them secret. If only Shepard where here, the old Shepard, the one who had an answer to everything. The one who faced down collectors, rogue spectres, reapers and Cerberus.

Not just the confused person he was reduced to since someone screwed with his mind and started calling him Deimos.  
Wait why would they call him Deimos anyway?  
"EDI, give me a search on everything called Deimos."

"I have 4.698 different entries for the word Deimos, do you want to narrow your search Kaidan?"

"Deimos referring to Human society or culture."

"I have Nine entries remaining; sanctuary to the Ice Warriors in the fictional Doctor Who universe, son of Ares in Greek mythology, a villain from a 20th century comic book series..."

"Wait stop, Greek mythology? What's that one about?"

"Deimos, son of Ares and Aphrodite, also meaning Dread and known as the personification of Terror."

"Wait Liara's data contained something about Styx and Greek mythology."

"Yes it did Kaidan, the river Styx also meaning "hate" and "detestation", the river that separates Earth from the underworld."

"EDI one last question, Cerberus and Greek Mythology?"

"Cerberus or the Hellhound which guards the gates of the Underworld, to prevent those who have crossed the river Styx from ever escaping.  
Kaidan we seem to have missed the obvious."

"Yeah, well now that we know who where are dealing with this is going to become a whole lot easier." Kaidan paced through the room. "EDI, see if we can find Miranda Lawson, if this is a new version of Cerberus she should be the closest thing to an expert for Shepard's implants we can get."

"We should ask Liara to use the Brokers network, the Broker had information on Miranda's activities."

"Good, I'll talk to her and inform the crew. EDI compare every bit of information we have on Cerberus to the activities from Styx."

* * *

Shepard was restless, since the tranquilizers had worn off he didn't know what to do with himself. He had sat hours staring at the items in the room. He liked the ship models, EDI had answered every question he had asked, ship types from the models, where the chessboard came from. But nothing meant anything to him.

He had spent some time walking around the ship, but it was making him uneasy. Everyone seemed either to avoid him or disappointed that he couldn't remember them. He had heard some of the crew speak about his appearance, even here it seemed everyone was disgusted by the bright red scars.

He hadn't found Kaidan anywhere but EDI said that the primary staff was in a meeting in the war room. One of the few places he couldn't go without an escort. So in the end he just returned to his room, the only place where he didn't have to endure being stared at.

He had tried sleeping but the giant window above the bed made him uneasy. Something made him panic whenever he looked in to the wide empty space outside. He had searched for something to keep him busy, the answer had been a large box filled with pictures and letters. He wondered who they where from and why they where stored here.

* * *

Kaidan had been sitting in the mess hall for hours, he wanted to go and see John. Just he didn't know what to say. "Hi, I know you don't remember me but we where secretly in love and never had the chance to be together?" Yeah not really a great conversation starter. He had hopped he would just accidentally bump in to John while he was exploring the ship. But from what EDI told he had done that while Kaidan was in the meeting.

Charles walked up to Kaidan, cocking his head slightly to the side. "Alenko Major, we have a question about human behavior. EDI said it was best to ask one of you."

"Ehm sure Charles, what do you want to know?" Kaidan grinned he remembered Shepard mentioning the times where EDI had questioned him about all kinds of human behavior.

"What reason could humans have to cry when they are not in pain?"

"Depends there are a few, if we are really happy or sad, sometimes if we are desperate or just remembering something bad. Why do you ask Charles?"

"Shepard Commander seems to be under a lot of stress, he is crying, we do not understand he was only looking at pictures."

"I'll go check on him."

Kaidan ran to the elevator, why can't these things go any faster. When he finally arrived on the first floor he paused for a second before knocking.  
"John? Everything alright?"

No answer, he knocked again. This time he heard a murmured "come in" from behind the door.

John was sitting between a pile of pictures trying to cover up that he had been crying. Kaidan quickly grabbed the box of tissues from the desk and moved in front of John. Holding out the box for him.

Shepard grabbed the box without looking up, only staring down embarrassed.

After a few minutes John took a deep breath. "You gone keep staring at the freak like everyone else?" His voice was soft, a tone of resignation swinging with every word he spoke.

"What freak? I see only one of my dearest friends who needs me to be there for him." And the man I love Kaidan said to himself.

John snorted. "Yeah right, most avoid me, can't even blame them I look like a monster."

Kaidan reached out lifting John's face with one hand. "I see no monster here, the ones who did this to you on the other hand. They are the real monsters, but you? Shepard those are only scars, scars can be healed."

"They said it's impossible it's who I am." John turned his eyes away from Kaidan.

"Who said such a thing?" Kaidan's expression changed to disbelieve.

"Phobos, he had a similar scaring."

"Shows what he knows, you want them gone? No problem, I'll see to it that the doc takes care of them tomorrow." Kaidan shrugged. "But somehow I don't think that was the reason you where sad."

"No it's... Everyone expects me to be someone they know. Some are even angry i can't remember who they are. The pictures, the letters every single one of them is about a man who did great things, someone who saved everyone. How am I supposed to fulfill those expectations?"

Kaidan sat down next to John, taking a moment to breath before he turned and faced John. "I never understood how you managed it all. Heck I'm in command of this ship for a few weeks and i feel like I'm drowning in work. Whoever expects you to be that man again." Kaidan pointed at the pictures."Well he will have to fight his way past me."

John smiled a little. "You? If I remember correctly you only defeated me because you where using a sniper, a krogan and a bunch of marines against me."

"You're forgetting an old lady with a syringe in that list."

"Yeah that was mean, I mean come on you know I don't like doctors." John suddenly became very silent.

"I would almost believe you. If I didn't know you had amnesia."

"No really I don't like them, especially the one with a love for scalpels" John started trembling. "I remember the labs where they kept me, they where doing... something... to me. The doctors reported in to Phobos... Phobos he told them to make me obey."

Kaidan put his hand on Shepard's. "John they can't touch you here, I promise we will make them pay for what they did."

John started crying again, the memories he was reliving at that moment where to much for him.

Kaidan put his arm around John's shoulders, just holding him. John turned and let his head rest on Kaidan's shoulder. The wet tears soaking his shirt it didn't matter John needed him. Kaidan would embrace him for all eternity if it would help John.

After a few minutes John lifted his head. "I'm sorry i didn't mean to."

Kaidan smiled. "I'm here if you need me, John." Kaidan nodded towards the bed. "You should probably sleep and tomorrow everything will be better."

"Could you ah... stay for a little while... I mean if it's not to much..." John said barely a whisper.

Kaidan swept the pictures and letters from the bed, kicked of his boots and held back the sheets.  
"I told you I'm here for you."


	21. Chapter 21: Deimos

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

_Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Deimos**

_"Hey Kaidan."_

_Someone shook his shoulder._  
_Kaidan groaned he didn't want to wake up it was warm and cozy. But the soft voice was relentless._

_"Kaidan come on, I need to show you something."_

_"What is it John?." Kaidan turned his head towards the voice, slowly opening his eyes._

_"Ha there you are, you need to see this Kaidan."_

_Kaidan only slowly recognized his surroundings. A large bed, Shepard was standing over him, the ceiling window showed a perfect view of Mars. In his arms John was silently snoring. _  
_"Wait what? How?"_

_Shepard laughed. "You fell asleep holding him, I didn't want to disturb you, but you really have to see this."_

_Kaidan took a closer look the standing Shepard had blue eyes, the man in his arms was covered with scars._  
_"So why can I see him here?" Kaidan was confused._

_"Because he and I are one, he just can't remember." John held out his hand._

_Kaidan grabbed it and saw himself being pulled away from the other Shepard. "So what did you want to show me."_

_"Something beautiful." John pointed at a small moon in front of mars. "See that one, in a minute we will be in the perfect position then Mars and it's two moons will be in a perfect alignment."_

_Kaidan watched as a small, misshapen moon moved in front of the larger one in the background. Until the larger one wasn't even visible anymore. The reddish glow of mars dancing over the edges of the small moon. Kaidan was surprised when John pulled him in a tight embrace. He felt John's breath on his skin._

_"You know I wish I could just wake up out of this here and..." John whispered in Kaidan's ear._

_Kaidan pulled back a bit, a challenging look crossed his face for a moment. "Oh and what would you do then?"_

_John laughed loud. "You'll see one day, first he needs you Kaidan." John pointed to the other Shepard on the bed. _

_Kaidan sighed."I know, it's just. I don't know how to help him."_

_Shepard looked up towards the moons. "See that small moon? That's him, he needs to make the large one disappear. Just ask him how he would have gotten back to the base"_

_The large moon disappeared behind the dark side of Mars._

_Kaidan grabbed the back of Shepards head, their foreheads touched. "I'm waiting for you to return."_

_"I know, but you must help him to become whole again first."_

_Kaidan held on to John, they kissed until Kaidan thought he would suffocate. John whispered against his lips. "You know this isn't real, you don't need to breath." _

* * *

An alarm sounded, Shepard was alone in a dark room. His instinct told him to grab his helmet. Pipes bursting around him.  
"Shepard" Someone yelled behind him.  
He turned around, he knew he should recognize the person behind him but he couldn't put a name to the figure.

John ran through a ship, it reminded him of the Normandy, no he told to himself. This is the Normandy just a different one.

Suddenly he was weightless, drifting in space. His suit had a leak, the air rushed out of his lunges. He tried turning around, seeing a ship with a massive hole in it. His saliva started burning his tongue, his skin felt swollen and then everything went dark.

John was sweat soaked when he suddenly awoke, the wide open dark space looming over him. He couldn't bare the sight of space, panic befell him. He Pushed the arm that was holding him away and ran towards the bathroom. Anywhere was better then here. He needed a secure place, somewhere without windows.

* * *

_"Kaidan he needs you." Shepard said sorrow written allover his features._

_He took a deep breath, Kaidan didn't want to leave this place. The place where Shepard was, where they could spent time together. "I want to stay here."_

_"I know Kaidan but he needs you." Shepard let Kaidan go, releasing him from their embrace._

Kaidan watched over empty bed, John wasn't sleeping there anymore. One second later Kaidan awoke, hearing the shower running.  
"EDI time?"

"4:30 AM standard Sol cycle."

Kaidan stood up, still a slight confusion about what just happened. He remembered a dream, something he needed to do.  
Slowly he walked towards the bathroom, the shower was running. But he could hear a soft whimpering through the door. Kaidan took a deep breath remembering Shepard from his dreams. "John, everything alright?"

There was a moaning sound coming from the other side.

"John I'm coming in, okay?" Kaidan said before he unlocked the door. John was sitting in the shower the water running. "John what's wrong?" Kaidan made two large paces and knelt next to the man hunched in the corner.

Two large red eyes looked up to him. Horror was written over his features, something must have upset him Kaidan thought.

A soft uncertain voice whispered. "I remember dying in space." John's eyes where questioning him, asking him to tell him something else.

Kaidan sat down next to John, the water soaking him, he didn't care. After a few moments he looked back at John. "Yes you died, but that was over three years ago."

John's eyes grew wide He couldn't believe what he heard. How could he have died but still be here.  
"Then why am I alive?"

"John you where revived by a organization called Cerberus, probably the same one that calls themselves Styx these days. It took them two years to restore you, then they wanted you to hunt down the collectors. EDI can probably tell you more details about that, she was around back then."

"Okay, so that was three years ago, how did I end up with them this time?" John was trying to grasp how anyone could die in pace and return from that.

"We don't know, maybe someday you can tell us what happened. We only know that you where wounded, loosing blood. But the rest we can only guess at what really happened."

John sat there for a moment trying to process the new information. But a new question scratched it's way to the surface. "Kaidan? Why are you doing this for me? I mean, I appreciate that you stayed with me last night and talked to me. But why go through all of this?"

Kaidan was taken unprepared to that question, he didn't know how to answer. He thought a bit over it and decided to tell a version of the truth. "I failed you when you came back to life, I gave up on you because I mourned your loss and couldn't believe you returned. This time I won't leave you, I will be here for you."

John held out a hand to Kaidan. "Let's go I want to leave this shower." He smiled, "maybe I can't remember who I was, but I know what I want right now. Breakfast."John stood up and pulled Kaidan to his feet. "Okay and maybe I need a change of clothes."

Kaidan snorted. "Yeah, sadly mine are in the crew quarters. I really like explaining why I'm dripping wet to the crew..."

A knock on the rooms door interrupted them, a artificial voice was heard. "Alenko Major, we brought you some clothes."

John looked puzzled.

Kaidan started laughing. "You remember that you are under observation? It's not only EDI who sees all, Charles here sees a few things to." Kaidan opened the door.

Charles cocked his head slightly. "I believe the correct human expression is: You look like something the cat dragged in."

"Thanks Charles, hope everything is alright?" Kaidan threw a knowing look towards Charles.

"It is now, Alenko Major." Charles turned and went away.

* * *

Hannah was reading through piles of reports, somehow it felt that for every problem they addressed 10 new ones arrived. It didn't help much that the new mercenary group had it out for alliance outposts, short of attacking ships directly they seemed intend at cutting down every supply line there was.

Ever since Major Alenko had arranged for the council to take cover among the Turian fleet it seemed they had more and more problems contacting Alliance command. A storm was brewing, Hannah could feel it in her guts. It hadn't been a good sing when the Major had decided to send his own mother to her for cover. She just knew there was something wrong with that, why would he use his own house to lure the mercenaries out? It didn't make sense.

But whatever the Normandy crew was doing it had at least put a dent in the efficiency of the mercenaries. Yes they where still a pain to deal with, but now they weren't half as organized. It seemed that a lot just resorted to standard scare tactics.

Hannah called her new friend, she needed someone to talk to once in a while and the Majors mother seemed content on just talking, no questions asked about her work. No words of sorrow and insincere condolences about Hannah's son. Emma was the only one who just seemed content with how things where, the woman looked towards the future not dwelling on the past. Hannah was just happy she didn't have to justify why she wasn't mourning, but the truth was she couldn't quite grasp it all. Her son had died, returned and died again somehow it all just seemed unreal.

"Emma, you have some free time? I need to get away from work for a while."

The woman smiled over the vidcom. "Sure, say why don't you come by my place for a while."

"Hmm, I have to see if I can get it past security." Hannah had something more in mind like Emma coming by, but maybe a few days on earth would give her a change of perspective.

"Don't worry about security, I have a nice lieutenant here who's mission is to guard the place. Also councilor Urdnot Wrex still has his Krogan buddy at my place."

Hannah shrugged. "Well then I would love to come by for a visit. Maybe you can teach me that apple pie recipe."

* * *

Kaidan paced in front of the med bay, John had been in there for hours. He had personally called the doctor out of her bed in the early hours, John wanted to have his scars healed and Kaidan was going to force everyone to just make it happen. He didn't even know why he was nervous about it all. Karin had assured him that it wouldn't be much of a hassle, just time intensive.

Charles was sitting on a chair reading a data pad, well more like downloading every book on the data pad in his consensus. Sometimes the Geth even asked questions. Last he was working on Human philosophy, Charles seemed amused by the big questions of life, why are we here, where do we come from. The Geth seemed even to try and find answers to questions he had.

Kaidan wondered if the big difference between the reapers and the Geth wasn't the simple fact that the Geth wanted to learn and evolve, while the reapers had wanted to preserve a status quo.

The doors to the med bay slid open, John smiled the moment he saw Kaidan standing there.  
"She said it would take a few more treatments but in a few days the scars should be gone." He embraced Kaidan, pulling away after a few seconds seemingly embarrassed. "I'm sorry I don't know why i did that."

Kaidan felt relief, the man finally seemed genuinely happy. "Don't worry about it." Kaidan put a hand under John's chin appraising the work Karin had done. "Looks really good, I told you she can do it."

"Yeah seems like Phobos is a big fat liar." John was smiling from ear to ear.

Kaidan grew serious, Phobos... Where had he seen the name before. Something was up with that. He knew there was an answer there. "EDI, I need a search on Phobos relating to Greek Mythology."

However Charles was the one who answered. "Phobos, personification of fear, Son of Ares and Aphrodite. Twin brother to Deimos. Also an interesting fact While Mars is named after the roman war god the Mars moons are named after the Greek twins. I just finished analyzing Greek mythology."

Kaidan's jaw dropped down, he understood the dream he had last night. John was Deimos, he had to defeat Phobos. "Charles, I need an image of the moon called Deimos."

Charles opened a small projection on his omnitool and there it was the small not quite round moon.

John looked at him nonplussed, as awaiting an answer.

Kaidan couldn't believe it when he looked over to John a single question forming on his lips. "How would you have returned to base after the mission?"

John looked at him not really understanding the purpose of the question. "I would have said the passphrase. _Struldbrug needs to return to the Brobdingnagian so be Swift._"

"Charles anything you can help with?" Kaidan hoped the dream would hold an answer once again.

The plates around the giant light on the Geth's face shifted their position. "Struldbrug are immortals, Brobdingnagian means usually something of colossal size. Oh interesting, both terms originate from the same book, Guiliver's Travels written by Jonathan Swift."

"So nothing that helps us find their location." Kaidan was a bit disappointed.

EDI interrupted. "I might have something Kaidan, there was an old Cerberus facility in the Swift crater on Deimos."

"Now you tell me?" Kaidan snapped at the AI.

"It was only listed as the facility at Swift, only now could I link it to this specific moon."

"Get me Satellite pictures from the crater, I want everything on movement in and out of that sector from the last few weeks." Kaidan felt they where close, he thanked Shepard for giving him the hint in his dreams.

* * *

**Note: So in case anyone was wondering... **

**Yes the cover image is a photograph of Deimos (moon).**


	22. Chapter 22: Control

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

_Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Control**

John retreated slowly, the moment Kaidan had issued orders to observe the Deimos moon, the whole ship had seemed to spring to life. Everywhere people where reporting to their stations as if they had all been waiting for the moment to finally go back to work.

John really didn't know what to do so he tried to stay out of everyone's way. He thought it best to retreat to his room, at least there he wouldn't be in the way. Once he had finally got the elevators attention there was only a smaller slightly hunched man standing next to EDI's physical form, John noticed how she lend him an arm.

"So EDI this is your slave I presume?"

"Hey, EDI what have you been telling him about us?" The man said slightly annoyed.

"Jeff, that was a Joke." EDI explained as they left the Elevator on the command deck. John could hear them bickering like an old married couple as they walked away.

John grinned a bit, while he waited for the elevator to reach the upper level. As he entered his room EDI's disembodied voice was heard over the comm line. "The ship is in full stealth mode, all shutters must be kept closed until further notice." At least the view of open space wouldn't disturb him.

John walked towards the bathroom and watched himself in the mirror. His eyes still had a bit of red but the scars where smoother, he wondered why Phobos had lied to him. It was clear that it wasn't a big problem to fix him up again, the doc had told him she had done the same thing before.

John was at a loss what to do with himself, there wasn't much here to keep him busy here. He decided now would be as good a time as any to read through his personal files, maybe something could jug his memory again.

Reading his own file made everything just more confusing, who was he? Was he even the same man as everyone expected him to be? If he can't remember who he was would that make him someone different. The questions kept swirling through his thoughts. Suddenly everything seemed so much easier back when Phobos had just told him what to think. Was the part that made him a human also gone from his memory? John couldn't make head or tails from anything, to many questions no answers at all.

Why was he even here? Because Kaidan wanted him to be here.  
Nothing else but the thoughts manifested themselves as he thought about the last days. Kaidan had done everything to get him back here. But John what had he done? Made a fool out of himself, hanging on to a person he could barely remember, for the sole reason that he felt safe near a stranger. Because that one man's eyes gave him a feeling of safety.

John started crying, the only person who hadn't expected anything from him and off course John had to do something inappropriate and cling to the man. Hell he had even begged the man to stay and hold him. Kaidan must think all sorts of things.

A knock on the door called him back to the here and now. "Shepard Commander, we would wish to speak to you."

John was stunned why would a AI come here to talk to him. "Come in."

The Geth cocked it's head slightly. "Shepard Commander, your ocular sensors are leaking."

"You mean I'm crying, yes I'm sorry about that." John snorted underneath the tears." And please stop calling me Shepard Commander, I'm just John. I can't remember who the other one was."

"Very well Just John, we wanted to talk."

"Couldn't you just like EDI do that through the comm system? Why come up here in person?" Now John's curiosity was back, why would an AI come up to talk.

"We wanted to communicate in private, we have disabled the security in this room." The Geth looked up to one corner of the room.

"Ehm won't anyone notice that you turned those off?" John pointed towards the small camera.

"Only EDI, and she agreed to the override. The organics on board are to busy with their surveillance of the proposed Styx base. We predict we have a few hours before anyone notices."

John couldn't hide the surprise on his face. "So Ehm Charles what would you like to talk about?"

"We noticed an increase in your neurological activity since the process of 'remembering' began. Also an increase in certain hormones seems to occur whenever Alenko Major seems in close proximity. We do not understand these reactions."

"Wait Charles... You noticed what? How did you?" John was shocked by the things the Geth where revealing him.

"Ah we see, no one has told you that we have uploaded Geth run-time's to the control chip?" If John didn't know better he could have sworn that the Geth seemed Embarrassed.

"No and what does it mean anyway? Are you controlling me right now?" But John already knew the answer, they weren't he had never felt any pressure, never heard a single whisper since he was onboard of the Normandy.

"No, we suppress the functionality from the chip. We can however use the neurological feedback to analyze human behavior... It is providing an Interesting perspective.

"But you could control me if you wanted?"

John felt a tickle in the back of his head, a chill ran down his spine. A soft whisper spoke to him. "Yes, we can." and then his own lips formed words he heard his own voice say. "even more then that."  
John slapped his hand across his mouth, a whisper escaped his lips. "Holly Fuck How did you." He and Charles said in unison. Then he felt the tickle disappear and the Geth was starring at the ground.

"Sorry Just John, we thought it was easier to show then to explain. We can effectively control every part of you through the implants."

"Damn, why didn't anyone tell me?"

"We didn't disclose everything of this information with anyone else. We are not interested in controlling you, but thought it was something you wished to know. As we said we are interested more in the new perspective this offers us.

"Shit this is just sick, anything else I should know?" John was angry, not at the Geth but at those who had done this to him. He wanted to destroy Phobos, he wanted to make him pay.

"We believe we can use the connection to reverse the effect."

"Wait Charles you mean I could use the control chip to control you?"

"Yes, but not limited to us." John could swear the Geth had just looked mischievous.

"So Charles you're proposing we test this together and then fire it back at Styx?"

"Correct Just John. We propose a form of conditioning. If successful we should be able to turn it against them."

"Well what are we waiting for? Let's do this."

"We would need something to find something that you can associate with the need to resist control."

John walked over to his desk, pulling out a small data drive. "Music, really old and somewhat unknown. We pick a song. Whenever we do this I would need to hear it."

The Geth took the data drive and downloaded the music to it's platform. "We found one that seems fitting, We suggest daily training sessions additionally surprise drills."

John smiled and nodded. Finally someone was offering him something to do.

* * *

Kaidan hadn't even noticed John had left at first. The whole crew had immediately taken positions, Jeff was taking the ship in a closer orbit. EDI and Liara where working through the collected data they had from the Cerberus base. When things finally calmed down and everyone was working on their own tasks he had gone to search for John. When it became clear that the man wasn't on the crew deck anymore he got a twitch of guilt. He should have talked to him, at least ask him if he wanted to be involved.

When Kaidan wanted to go and check if John was in his room Kaidan bumped in to Karin. "Doctor Chakwas, sorry didn't see you there."

She shook her head. "No my fault I was just going to check up on Shepard. His surveillance seems off, for hours I only see him reading at his desk and his vitals are just to smooth."

"Wait to smooth, here I would have thought you would be happy about that."

"I don't know, if he is reading through so much... I would have expected some kind of emotional reaction by now." She tapped her data pad with the vitals of John on them.

"So what did Charles say?"

"No idea he disappeared shortly after we started preparing for possible combat."

Kaidan wondered what the Geth could be up to, normally he stayed in the AI core and used an uplink to EDI if he wanted to do something. "EDI, where is Charles' platform?"

"Charles is not visible on any sensors."

"What how can his platform disappear?"

"We don't know last recorded visual was entering the elevator."

Kaidan pushed the button calling the elevator, when the doors slid open it was clearly empty. "EDI where did the Geth get off the elevator."

"No data available."

Kaidan stepped inside the elevator together with Karin. Taking the elevator to John's room.

The moment the elevator doors opened Kaidan and Karin looked at each other. The music was extremely loud.

Kaidan knocked on the door but realized no one would hear that over the deafening sound.  
"EDI stop the music in Shepards room."

"I can't the music is not coming from any of the ship controlled systems."

* * *

"John? Charles? Dr. Chakwas is on her way up, she and Kaidan seem worried."

Neither had heard her when the door was forced open. John was dancing around through the room, Charles looked up to Kaidan when he entered and broke in a laughing fit.

"The hell Charles what's going on here?" The seemingly confused Human said.

The music stopped suddenly and John dropped to the floor.  
"Ah damn, I think you overdid it this time. Human bodies aren't indestructible." John said rubbing his legs.

"We are sorry Just John, It is hard to estimate how far we can take your platform."

"What the hell is going on here?" Kaidan seemed a bit angry.

"Nothing important, Charles here was demonstrating how the control chip worked. He was just testing how far the control goes." John said, adding a little mischievous grin toward the Geth platform.

Charles seemed to catch John's rouse and added. "The emotional feedback we got was... Interesting. We have never experienced anything like it. We wanted to explore what this 'fun' was organics seem to experience when dancing." Charles fingers made small twitches on the word Joy.

Karin took a scan of John. "Well only some scratches, but I must ask for you two to be more careful whenever you want to try something like that."

"Yes mom." Charles said, suddenly both the Geth and John burst out in Laughter.

"Well I can see I'm not needed here." Karin shrugged and turned to leave. Before exiting the room however she threw a backwards glance. "Next time please let the camera in peace."

"You're really okay John?" Kaidan looked worried.

"Yes, everything is fine. Charles is helping me understand what they did to me and I know when he does something. Don't worry Kaidan, everything is fine" John grinned like a small child when the music started again softly in the background. "Why don't we tell him?" He heard the geth whisper.

"Okay if you're sure. Anyway John want to join us when we attack the base?" Kaidan stood there arms crossed before him.

John leaped up, holding his hand out to Charles who immediately stopped the music. "Like you could keep me away Kaidan."

Kaidan grinned right there he saw some of the old Commander Shepard come through. "I was thinking you could join us to in the second team. Guide us through if you happen to remember the base layout."

"Just John, we should join you if you want to go down there. We can not predict how the proximity to the base influences the control chip."

Kaidan looked over to the Geth platform. "Okay Charles, I trust you to cover his six."

John rubbed his knuckles. "Where can I get some weapons and armor in this place? Someone removed everything from the armor station here."

Kaidan laughed. "Everything is in the Shuttle bay. I believe Steve took care of your gear. Just pick whichever one you like, you used to have quite the collection."

John ran towards the elevator. "Come on Charles, I believe there still should be a nice spare Black Widow in that stash. I never got the hang of the Sniper rifles so you can use mine."

Charles moved it's shoulder plates slightly upward looking towards Kaidan. "He remembers sometimes."

Kaidan's jaw dropped. Could it be he just had to point John towards the enemy and he would remember, that seemed to easy.


	23. Chapter 23: Unexpected

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

_Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Unexpected**

The next morning  
John sat in the shuttle bay going through the armor and weapon mods he had chosen. The mere thought of going back to that base scared him but it also drove him forward. The feelings where conflicting making him doubt himself one moment and giving him a trill the next.

Charles had modded the Black Widow that had been there just as John said it would be. They had at least another hour to go before the mission would even start. But the nerves kept John from doing anything else. Suddenly the music started. The familiar tickling sensation and the whispers where there.

"Shoot the Machine."

John's hand went up, pointing the gun towards Charles. He fought, against the suggestion.  
"Take cover." He commanded in his thoughts back at the Geth.

Suddenly Charles ducked behind a crate. John's hand trembled and the gun dropped to the floor.

The music stopped the second the gun hit the floor.

"Very good Just John, Your response time decreased to 7,2seconds. You are progressing faster then I had predicted. I believe you should have little trouble if the mission involves unforeseen circumstances." The Geth said while it came out of cover.

"Damn Charles shoot you, really? Wasn't that a bit of a hard command, What if i couldn't resist it?"

"I predict a 97% chance you would resist. To tell the truth we have conferred with the newly activated Geth from the Dreadnought." Charles shrugged a bit and returned to preparing the Black Widow.

"So how are the other Geth anyway?"

"The others are doing good considering, but they are eager to study the new data I sent them about Organics."

"So you pocking in my head?"

"We are understanding what it means to be Organic, we are learning with every memory you recover. I start to understand what Legion gave up for us."

John nudged the Geth in the side. "Hey no brooding over him. You showed me what you knew about him. I bet he would be happy if he could see us here."

Kaidan suddenly emerged from the elevator. Wonder was written over the features of the man. "Geez What the hell are you two up to again? Chakwas is getting angry that you're always disabling the security feeds wherever you two are."

"Yes sir major spectre sir." John's grinning stretched from ear to ear while he fake saluted.

"Stop saluting you're doing it wrong anyway. Here I would think that something like that would be muscle memory."

"Nah last I checked i probably was a horrible soldier... What was it oh yeah. Mutiny, stealing a ship, ignoring direct orders. Off course a whole lot of stuff that had enough red tape that the file I got didn't even mention why I was incarcerated for months. Really what the hell did I do that's worse then stealing a ship?"

"You don't want to know half of what you did. Maybe someday you will remember and then I can explain everything. But there are things we can't just tell you." Kaidan looked sad as if he was remembering something that hit a bit to close to home. "Anyway John ready for the mission?"

"Hell Yeah."

30 minutes later the shuttle bay was filled up with their teams all ready in full combat gear.

Liara presented them with the data they had gathered. Mostly estimates of how much resistance they could expect.  
John had filled in the bits he remembered about the base. Though it wasn't much most of the time he was being held in his own little room.

Kaidan looked over everyone before addressing John directly. "So who do you want on your team? Charles will cover your technical needs, I will take EDI. So take your pick."

John looked up he didn't really know who to pick. Not that he could remember any of them. "Ehm I have no idea, I'm a biotic and Charles said he has Tech covered..."

Garrus stood up. "Crap Shepard I'll join you, I remember every little quirk you ever had on the battle field and I believe the Major here would profit from taking James as a portable battering ram."

"Hey Scars not cool!"

John laughed when he saw the big marine speak up.

"Shut up Tacco, you know it's true." Garrus' mandibles slightly clicked together.

"I'll get back at you next time we play Scars."

John was concentrating on adjusting the straps from his gloves. "Sure James, next you're going to tell me you tamed a Harvester."

John felt all gazes fell upon him, it made him unconformable.

"Anyway, You're correct Garrus I would prefer James as my personal battering ram. So I want everyone in the shuttles in 5." Kaidan nodded slightly towards John.

John understood, Kaidan had just drawn the attention away from him. The man pulled always through for him, covering his ass whenever he eluded the security. Drawing attention away whenever somebody started making John uncomfortable.

* * *

So far the mission was going smooth, John had preferred if there would have been a bit more action.

"John two organics coming in on twelve." The Geth stated while waiting behind a cover.

"Finally, I wondered if Alpha team was going to keep them all to themselves. Garrus wait for my signal." John felt the world falling back together while he commanded his people to take their positions. 'His' people, finally he understood. This had been his people, the ones he could trust blind on the battlefield. Garrus hadn't lied when he said he knew every quirk. The both of them easily fell in a routine as if they had been fighting alongside each other for years, which in a way they had. John reminded himself.

John saw two humans come around the corner, the first one was a young girl held at gunpoint by a familiar face. "Doctor Demikhov" John gasped for air.

"Let me through or the girl dies." As to show how serious he was he pushed the gun in the girls back.

John wanted to kill the Doctor, images kept popping up from torture, operations. The bastard had been the one to implant the control chip in his head. He hated this man with every cell in his body.  
Charles must have picked up on his distress, as on que he heard the soft notes from the music through his headpiece. "John, we need to get the girl away from the man. Vakarian can't get a clean shot." The Geth just told him over his headset.

John raised his hands in the air. "I'm going to drop my gun, please don't harm her. Then you are going to take me instead of the girl."

The man was on edge, the girl was sobbing. "And why should I want you as a hostage?"

John slowly laid down his gun on the floor looking up towards the man he hated. "Because Demikhov, I'm worth more to you then she could ever be." John slowly moved his hands to his helm and pulled it up. "Or would your boss forgive you if you lost Deimos again?" John starred straight in the eyes of his former tormentor, moving slowly closer towards them.

The Doctor nodded and pushed the girl to the ground, holding the gun towards John.  
John bowed a little down towards the girl. "Go, run towards the exit. The Turian back there will take care of you."

She shivered in fear, sweeping the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand. John reached a hand towards her and pulled her to her feet. She ran in the direction John had pointed her.

"She is save, now the both of us are going back to Phobos." The man snarled under his breath.

John felt the gun being pressed against the side of his head. He took a deep breath waiting for the signal he was sure would come any second.

The tickle at the base of his skull became stronger, the whispers becoming louder. John closed his eyes and let go only listening to what the whispers wanted.

"NOW." Hundreds of voices yelled in his head.

John dropped to the side, flinging a singularity towards Demikhov at the same moment as he heard the gunshot. Charles let the go of the control he had taken over John. A simple "Sorry about that." Came over the headset.

John looked at the floating yelling doctor, he picked up the gun the doctor had dropped. "Why?" He yelled towards his tormentor.

"Because we could, you're our property Shepard."

John was furious, he threw in a warp for good measure and saw the man smack in to the wall as the biotic effects exploded.

"WHY!?" Johns hand pulled back crackling with the blue biotic energy. He wanted to kill this piece of scum.

"John stop it, we should take him in for questioning." The Geth stood behind him and held his arm in a tight grip.

John kicked the doctor in the side for good measure. "You're right, it's just I want to..."

The man started laughing. "You fools you should have killed me while you had the chance." The Doctor pushed a button on a remote. The base flashed with red lights a countdown started. John pulled the man up by his collar.

"What did you do?"

"You won't save anyone Shepard." Suddenly the doctors head exploded.

"Fuck what was that?" John let the corpse drop.

"Ocular flashbang, Cerberus equipment for operatives. John we have to stop the Stations self destruct. The closest terminal is near the labs in the left corridor."

"Go! Garrus the girl?"

"Here, she says there are others held captive near the labs."

"Okay Garrus wait for the shuttle, I'm going with Charles."

* * *

Kaidan was caught in a prolonged fire fight in the hangar of the Styx base. It seemed the hostile forces where trying to keep them busy. But to what extend? He had heard some disappointed shatter from John and Garrus that there wasn't anything to shoot in their corner of the base.

It had seemed a good idea, Kaidan was taking a frontal assault through the main hangar, while John would cover the second exit so no one could escape. But it rubbed Kaidan the wrong way that nobody seemed to bother that John's team was moving through the base freely.

Amidst all the shooting it had become clear what Styx was up to. A hostage situation, the one who was trying to escape must have been important. They had heard some of the communications, Charles had intervened as John had almost lost his cool.

But then everything had gone from bad to worse. Now they where fighting against the clock. More civilians and a self destruct mechanism. But the thing that scared Kaidan the most was that the troops Styx where throwing at them didn't seem to stop or retreat after the alarms where triggered.

"Say Major, why aren't these Pendejos fleeing for their lives?"

"Hell if I know James, Theories anyone?"

"Control chips." EDI said over the comm.

"No shit?"

"The one here has a recent scar at the same position as Shepard's chip is located."

"Ah crap it isn't fair if they're making us shoot innocent people." James hit one opponent unconscious with the back of his shotgun.

"Everyone disable, try to avoid killing them. Charles any chance you could block the signal?"

Suddenly the alarms went silent and the controlled people dropped their guns.

"Charles I hope that was your doing."

"Yes, I have full access to the base." a voice said through speakers. "Alenko Major, we don't have much time."

* * *

John stood in a room containing the operating table he remembered all to well. His stomach clenched together, he felt sick just being here.

Charles had hacked his way in the security. Now he was talking through the station wide speakers. His platform was only an empty shell.

"Charles everything okay?" John gleamed over the empty Geth shell.

"Yes John, but we highly suggest getting everyone of the base as soon as possible."

John walked in the side room where he knew there where security feeds. "Can you give me access to the stations surveillance?"

The monitors flicked on showing several holding cells where people where being kept.

"Kaidan everything okay on your side?"

"Yeah John, what did Charles do?"

"I think he uploaded himself in the computer systems. Kaidan there are dozens of people being kept here. We're going to need more shuttles."

"And someplace to keep those that are stuffed with control chips. Until we can remove those."

"But where? From what I'm seeing these assholes have people everywhere."

"Guys might I suggest C-sec holding cells." Garrus interrupted them.

"Hmm Citadel might work, Aria has a tight grip on the people there. We just need someone to ask her who she can't deny..." Kaidan sounded serious. "John take the first shuttle back to the Normandy. We'll clean up here. Let Liara put you through to Aria T'loak."

"Ehm, Kaidan you're forgetting something... I have no idea who that is." John felt a slight panic rise.

"I know John, but she owes you big times."

"Okay, I hope you're right." Before John could leave the room another screen flickered on. Recordings from himself, while he was being kept on the base.

"For your eyes only, John." was written over the images.

John took a data drive and downloaded the material Charles had gathered for him.  
He planned on looking through the data when he had a moment alone.


	24. Chapter 24: Intuition

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

_Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Intuition**

John felt empty, something was different the moment they had left the Styx base. EDI told him it must just be because of the control signals proximity they had been in. But John knew there was something else going on, something no one had told him about, they didn't have to he would figure it out himself.

It had been the first time anyone had asked him to become his old self again. Coming from Kaidan it had to be important. John would see it through but he felt insecure nonetheless.

The second John had arrived on the Normandy with the first batch of refugees they had saved from the base he knew everyone had looked at him for guidance, now he had to be the Legendary Commander Shepard, even if it was just for these people.

John had walked past them towards Liara. Taking a deep breath he tried to seem as confided as possible. "Get me Aria on the line."

Liara smiled nodding slightly. "Yes, Commander." She said loud enough that the refugees heard her. Then she added in a whisper. "Crew deck, other side of the med bay. My VI will instruct you."

John felt grateful, the Asari had immediately understood that they needed to keep up an appearance. John took the elevator while a bunch of crew members ran towards the refugees.

When he arrived on the crew deck a small floating orb raced towards him. "Shepard I have Aria and Commander Bailey waiting for you. She is not amused."

"Ehm you're the VI Liara spoke about?"

"Yes follow me." The VI floated towards one of the rooms that he couldn't access earlier.

John breathed a few times really deep before stepping in the room. Whoever, whatever this Aria was. He had caught that everyone seemed nervous to talk to her.

"Shepard? Crap you look like shit." The blue strict woman said.

"Yes, Aria. I need your help." He had taken Kaidans advice to hearth to not show he didn't know who he himself or the Asari was.

"Hmpf, I already cleared my debt when I handed your pet that information." The woman waved him off.

"Aria I'm going to be honest with you. I have no fucking idea what you're talking about. But I need access to C-sec holding cells. These Styx fuckers are using innocent people to fight us." Shepard tried at his best big bad evil stare he could manage without laughing.

"Shit Shepard, the same fuckers that are bothering MY Bailey and his men?" The woman got angry, John wasn't sure if that was good or bad.

"Don't know Aria, but in case you heard of them... It seems these are the same guys as a certain group who called themselves Cerberus a while back." John didn't know what to tell her to convince her.

"Cerberus..." The Asari seemed disgusted. "Bailey will see to it that you have everything you need... And Shepard, be sure to destroy them this time."

"Thank you Aria, and I intend to make them disappear." John was honest he had only a few memories about them but it was enough to want them gone.

"Shepard, tell me what you need." A somewhat older man asked him.

"Pickup for a few dozen civilians. We have a Geth stopping them from attacking. They need screening if they have control chips and those who do have to be locked up until we can help them."

"I'll send over one of our new merc groups... The Guardians, their leader is Zaeed massani. Think he was part of your team back in the day." The older man looked at him suspiciously.

Glyph brought up a small console with a simple "YES" stated on it.

"Yes, but that seems ages ago." John tried to keep his expression neutral.

"Okay, he'll send his coordinates to your ship. And Shepard... It's good to see you're alive, Aria wouldn't admit it but she missed you to."

"Shit Bailey, You're fucking her?" John had a questioning expression written all over his face.

"Shepard... Don't talk about that, she could hear you." The man looked over his shoulder.

John laughed out loud. "Hey whatever makes you happy..." Bailey cut the connection, John grinned from ear to ear. He found the thought funny that someone like Aria would settle for a small time bureaucrat like Bailey. There was a hell of a story behind that.

John watched for the first time over Liara's room. He wondered why she had all the screens and equipment here.  
"Say Glyph, what's all this stuff for?"

"We need this to maintain the shadow brokers connections." The white globe slightly bounced as it spoke.

"And the big sarcophagus next to the bed? What's that for?"

"That is the stassis pod containing Admiral Anderson's remains." The globe hovered over the big white box.

"Why is it here?" John couldn't comprehend why anyone would keep something like that in their room.

"When the councilors where aboard the ship we had to cover for the possibility that you had killed the Admiral." The white globe flew over towards a data station.

"Shit" John murmured under his breath and left towards his room.

* * *

Kaidan was feeling burned out, most of the day they had been running pickups to gather all the refugees and deliver them to the Citadel. Luckily Garrus had taken care of dealing with Zaeed, the two of them had secured a part of C-sec cells enough to keep those unfortunate enough to have become implanted with control chips.

Kaidan was trying to finish a report, he didn't know how he was supposed to explain this to the council. But he knew it was time to inform them on the latest developments. They needed to know that Cerberus was still around. They probably would even need to take extra precautions.

Being in command of a ship during a covert operation was taking its toll on him. He was trying to find a way to explain what had happened when an idea struck him.  
"EDI could you connect me to my mother." If anyone would have good advice it would be his mother, even if he couldn't tell her the details. She always seemed to know exactly the right thing to say.

The image of his mother popped up on his workstation screen.

"Hi honey, how are you doing?" His mother took a sip at a strange glowing purple drink.

"Ehm, mom? I'm not interrupting you with anything important am I?"

"No Kai, nothing important. I'm just having a few drinks with some friends, we all wanted to heighten our spirits a bit." She looked genuinely amused. From behind her Kaidan could make out the low rumbling voice of a Krogan. "If you want to heighten your spirits you should pour some rincoll in that girly drink of yours." Kaidan heard someone else laughing in the background.

"No mom I didn't want to disturb you. I'll call back some other time." Kaidan was glad his mom was enjoying herself.

"No Kai, the others can wait. So did you find what you where looking for?"

Kaidan got serious for a moment. "Yes, but it's classified."

"Kaidan I know that look from you. Wasn't it what you hoped for? Is something wrong?"

Damn she always looked right through him. "He is.. It's complicated. He can't remember anything and..." Kaidan stopped talking when he suddenly recognized the person in the background. He saw his mother look over to the woman.

"Kaidan you have to tell her " His mother nodded over towards the woman who was suddenly looking straight at him.

"Hey specterrrrr? Nice that you... hicks... Call your mom at least..." Hannah took a large swill from the bottle of Batarian shard wine in her hand.

"Councilor Shepard, I ehm... We have to talk. Can I meet you tomorrow?" Maybe it was a sign that she was alone at his mother's house.

"Ssurrre Scepterrr, I'm here." Hannah stumbled away.

"Is she alright?" Kaidan wondered at what he just saw.

"She's fine, just a bit drunk. I think it's her way to cope with her sons loss." Emma looked a bit more serious. "Just come by tomorrow, I'll get her sobered up by then."

"Thanks mom, you're the best."

"I know Kai." She smiled as they said their good byes.

Kaidan now knew he only had to tell John he was going to meet his mother tomorrow.

* * *

John stood under the shower, letting the warm water wash away the dirt, pain and sorrow.

After talking to Aria John had retreated back to his room. He had wanted to look through the data Charles had given to him. It hadn't been pleasant to watch. Some parts he had remembered, the operations the painful torture. But there was one thing in there he hadn't suspected.

When he watched at the images again, some early stage of his time in the Styx base. The images where from when they had first woken him up. He had known who he was at that moment. It was only after he had attacked one of the doctors that they had kept him restrained and started experimenting on him. But it was the face of one of the people who gave the commands he now recognized.

For the moment everything he could do was let the water flow over him, hoping it would carry away everything. The bad memories, the horrible moments of his life. John couldn't stand it anymore, why was every memory that came back just one terrifying experience after another.

Who was the man he used to be, why would anyone expect him to want to be that person anyway?  
John hit his hand against the wall, he was angry. Didn't this Commander Shepard have anything that would have been worth living at all? Was he only a pushing bag for the galaxy's most cruel and horrible villains?

He stepped out from under the shower grabbing a towel which he bound loosely around his hips. Staring in the mirror he was annoyed by his own appearance, yes it had gotten better. But the scars where still riddled all over his body. The red glow reminding him of the things that had been done to him. Chakwas had assured him they would be gone within a few days, but she could only hide them. He knew they would still be there just hidden.

Someone knocked on his door, he didn't care whatever they wanted it would just be another reminder of a man he didn't want to be anymore.

Another knock followed, John didn't want to be disturbed he wanted to be left alone. He hit out, this time his hand flew straight in to the mirror. Shattered pieces flying through the room. His hand was bleeding, some shards still sticking in his hand.  
Blood flew in a thin red river down the drain, the pain of in his hand gave him a kind of peace he hadn't felt for a some time. A memory came back scratching on the edge of his consciousness.

"John?" Kaidan yelled in the room Before stepping inside.  
Kaidan knew John was here, but it worried him when he didn't answer the door. After a while he had ordered EDI to open the door for him. When he heard the water running he was about to leave when the bathroom door slid open.

John stepped out, only covered by a towel and still dripping wet. Blood flowing from his hand, he had a grin when he held his hand up.  
"The mirror was tougher then I thought." John chuckled as if he had to laugh at himself.

"Oh god John we need to take care of that." Kaidan slipped past John and grabbed a towel. Shooting a questioning look towards John. "What the hell did the mirror do to you?"

John closed the distance between him and Kaidan.

Kaidan tried to grab John's hand and press the towel against his bleeding knuckles. But John suddenly grabbed the back of Kaidan's head pulling him closer. He was staring in Kaidan's eyes, with a questioning look written all over his features.  
"What is it with you Kaidan? What is it you aren't telling me?"

Kaidan blinked. "I don't know what you are talking about."

"Kaidan I know you keep things from my past a secret. What I want to know is why?"

"John we should really take care of your wounds you're bleeding all over the place. You should probably go to the med bay."

John shrugged. "It's not that bad, I think the mirror is a lost case however."

Kaidan grabbed a first aid kit and pushed John back out of the bathroom. "Sit on the sofa, at least let me pull out those shards. Then you're gone tell me why a mirror deserved to die."

John sat down holding his hand out towards Kaidan, who started to clean out the wounds.

"So what was the mirrors mistake? Just asking so I know what i should avoid in the future."

"I just got angry, about everything and nothing really. But it's better now." John starred towards his feet.

Kaidan rubbed some medigel on the wounds and made a bandage to cover everything up. "Okay as you doctor I suggest to avoid getting angry at mirrors in the future."

John looked in to Kaidan's eyes, a feeling scratching its way to freedom.  
_"Something deeper with someone I already - care about_"  
Suddenly his hand grabbed the back of Kaidan's head pulling him closer. John closed his eyes, pressing his lips on Kaidan's.

Kaidan was surprised, it took him a second to realize what was happening. Warm lips finding his, a strong hand held him close. It was just like it had been in his strange dreams. But before he could really enjoy what was happening John had pulled away.

"Shit, I'm sorry I don't know what came over me." John turned his head away.

Kaidan grabbed the other mans shoulder. He could feel the strong muscles under his hand tense. "John look at me it's okay, really."

"No it's not, I don't know why I did that. It's just... I.. crap."

Kaidan forced him to turn around.  
"It's okay John, I understand."


	25. Chapter 25: Surrendering

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

_Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**Surrendering**

Kaidan had run down towards the bar to grab a bottle of Whiskey. He stood slightly out of his breath back in front of John.

"2 minutes and 42 seconds, how did you do that?" John had stopped the time on his omni-tool.

"I threatened EDI to cut power to her Humor heuristics if she didn't speed up the elevator for me."

John lifted an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Nah, I just called it a spectre priority mission." Kaidan grabbed two glasses. He was set on making John comfortable again. Kaidan would have preferred to just grab John and kiss him until they couldn't breathe but he knew it wasn't the right thing to do. No matter how much he longed to finally be with John, his own feelings would have to wait. But as long as John wasn't even comfortable with himself Kaidan didn't want to push anything that could complicate things.

"So what did you get me?" John took one of the glasses.

"Honey flavored Whiskey."

"So a toast?" John waited for a second to see if Kaidan would interrupt him. "To freeing a lot of civilians and crossing Cerberus' plans once again."

"I'll drink to that." Kaidan lifted his glass and took a big swill.

"Great drink, the one good thing about amnesia. I get to rediscover all these tasteful drinks and foods." John grinned slightly as he looked towards Kaidan.

"So what's with you and Charles?"

"Well he's been helping me with the control chip. He had this idea that if we train it often enough I could be able to prevent someone from using it against me." John rubbed the back of his neck. "Also it seems Cerberus had not yet unlocked the full potential of their toys." John filled up their glasses again.

They talked like what had seemed for hours, until the bottle was empty. At some point John had noticed Kaidan had dosed off curled up on the sofa. He picked him up and laid him down in the bed, removing his boots and tucking him in before he slipped in beside him. John brushed a lock of hair back from Kaidan's forehead. "I really like you Kaidan, I wonder why the old me didn't see you the way I do now." He whispered more to himself as to anyone else.

* * *

Hannah had a horrible headache, she could barely remember what happened last night. The smell of fresh coffee spread across the room, Emma was probably making breakfast for everyone. Hannah had to admit that finally getting out of her military life for a few days was a much-needed distraction. Even if there was a whole unit of marines here to secure the perimeter.

It had been a nice surprise that the Lieutenant here was the daughter of one of her old CO's. But it also made her suspicious about what exactly Major Alenko was doing. Luckily today she would find out more, the major was coming over and since they where far away from the Alliance and the council maybe he would have something more to say this time.

She went towards the kitchen where she saw how Emma was already set out a plate and a cup of coffee.

"Aspirin is on the counter, scrambled eggs and bacon should take care of the rest." The woman just said while she came over with a large pan full of eggs.

"Gosh how much did we drink yesterday?"

"Me not so much, you on the other hand a little more." Emma smiled while she grabbed herself a fresh bread bun.

"When is the Major coming?"

"Kai said they be here in the afternoon. So we have plenty of time to get you straightened up and start backing that apple pie we talked about."

"Emma, I told I have no talent for baking. I spent my life on ships we get dry-freeze meals."

"See time to change that and it's easy." Whit that Emma had ended that topic, Hannah knew the woman would make the pie anyway. She had seemed excited after the major had called her yesterday.

* * *

"So explain this to me again, my mother is a rear-Admiral in the Alliance and the Human Councilor?"

"Yes and at the moment she is visiting my mother."

"Okay and this is at the place where I got in a fire fight with a bunch of alliance marines when I was told to kidnap your mom." John had asked Kaidan at least 3 times since he was told where they were going today.

"Yeah but that was before. Anyway we are almost there.

John felt uneasy at the thought of meeting his mother, especially since she believed he was dead.

The shuttle landed on a field on the other side of the orchard. He could smell the sun on damp earth, feel the soft breeze.

Amidst the trees they got stopped in their tracks by a marine in full combat gear. "Identify... Oh Major Alenko we weren't expecting you so soon."

"Lieutenant Smith, how's the job here going?" Kaidan was happy to see that the Lieutenant was still stationed to protect his mom.

"Other than that we now have a councilor to protect and a Krogan who's bored because nothing ever happens? Really good I guess." The woman nodded towards the house. "Cleanup went smooth, the Salarian spectre though... Well lets say he was really secretive after he was done."

"I can only guess why he would do such a thing Sandra." John interrupted as he walked towards the marine.

"Shit, Johny? No way... But you're dead." She barely got the words out.

"Yeah, the report of my death was an exaggeration." John smiled at her.

"Damn Johny I saw your funeral in the vids. How in hell did you survive?" The woman fell in John's arms.

"Hey the Alliance has been wrong before... You really think they can get my death certificate right this time?" John held tight to the female, in his mind she was still a girl from his past but he recognized her the second he saw her.

Lieutenant Smith pulled away. "You should get to your mom she is waiting... She doesn't know does she?"

Kaidan cleared his throat. "Johny? Really?"

"Yeah Major. I dragged his ass through boot camp. My kind of payback for breaking my heart."

"Yeah and only she gets to call me that. We spent years together in the Alliance after we cleared up why I wasn't in to her." John grinned following her gaze towards James.

"Say Lieutenant, I bet my mom made a whole lot of Pies today. Why don't you come by later and you get to tell us everything about John's early years."

"Maybe I will, Major but I have to get back to my duties for now." Sandra nodded her head towards the group, John noted that her gaze lingered a bit longer than normal on James.

As they proceed towards the house john suddenly spoke. "Say James what do you think of the Lieutenant back there?"

"You mean the hard-core marine that fills out that armor in all the right spots... Man you must be Loco to turn her down."

"Not my type, you should talk to her. Think she likes you." John's gaze fell upon Kaidan.

"Wouldn't know what to tell her Loco."

"Ask her about what happened after her date with me... She loved to tell that to anyone who would listen."

They had reached the house. Kaidan paused a second before he knocked on the door. It didn't take 3 seconds before he heard the familiar voice of his mother from the inside. "They're here."

The door flew open and the small woman flew around kaidan's neck. After a few seconds of hugging her son the woman stood back. "Kai, you never mentioned your commander is a looker."

"Eh mom!" Kaidan's face turned a few shades of red darker.

John stepped holding out his hand. "Ma'am a pleasure to meet you. I'm John Shepard but please just call me John."

"Well Kai, why don't you take your friends over to the kitchen. I made your favorite, Apple Pie." The woman hurried back in to the house.

"So Major Kai huh?" James chuckled from behind.

"Shut it Burrito."

"Hey that's mean. Guess I'll have to tell scars about Kai and Johny here." James got knocked back when both biotics simultaneously unleashed a small biotic field on him.

"James you better get out of here, go and fool around with Lieutenant Smith." Kaidan said while he grinned towards John.

John already smelled the freshly backed pie, his nose had led him to the table where a big pie was still cooling off. The table was set and Emma already brought a can of coffee towards the table.

"Where's the councilor mom?"

Before she could answer John heard footsteps coming down the stairs. A small notion of panic came over him, maybe he should leave while he still had the chance.

But he stayed, Kaidan looked hopeful over to him before stepping in to the hall. John could hear them talking.

"Ma'am, before you enter the kitchen there is something I need to tell you." Kaidan's voice was just a slight bit unsteady.

"Major I hope you have a good reason for not telling anyone what the hell you've been doing." The female voice was soft but determined.

"I have, now please believe me i saw no other way to solve this but you have to meet someone."

The woman stepped in to the room Kaidan following her looking hopeful towards John.

"What the? This can't be..." The woman's jaw dropped her eyes wide open.

John gathered his thoughts before speaking. "I was told you are my mother, I'm sorry to say I can't really remember much of my past."

"Kaidan is this real?" The woman looked over her shoulder.

"Yes, it's really him."

"But the body, everyone was sure it was him." Hannah seemed to grasp for explanations.

"From what I understand there where clones after my last resurrection." John frowned a bit.

"There is only one person who could have identified his corpse, Mirada Lawson she rebuild the first time. But we can't find her." Kaidan walked over to the table pulling out a chair for Hannah.

"So how can you be sure it wasn't him after all?" Hannah sat down the shock was still visible on her.

"At first it was only a hunch, something was missing. But after meeting Aria, well everything became clearer." Kaidan cut the pie and gave everyone a piece. His mother had tactfully disappeared. Wile they talked about everything that had happened.

* * *

John had left Kaidan and Hannah, he really didn't know what he could do since they moved on to politics and strategies.  
The sun was slowly dropping towards the horizon. In the sunlight he saw Emma sitting at a bench between the trees.

"Miss Alenko, Everything alright?" John sat down next to her.

"Yes I'm just remembering how I used to watch the sunset with my husband right here on this bench."

"Did he?"

"Still MIA, but the Alliance is putting forward a notion to declare everyone who's missing death by the end of the month."

"I'm sorry." John starred at his feet.

"Don't be, you and your crew did so much to save us all. I believe my Richard would have been proud that his son was there with you."

"I didn't save anyone. That was all the other me, I can barely remember that there ever was a war."

"Don't worry about it, one day you will remember what's important. The other things? Who cares, as long as you're happy it doesn't matter who you used to be." Emma leaned back a bit enjoying the last sun rays on her skin.

"I guess your right, Just... Ah it's complicated." John dropped his head in his hands.

"Is this about Kai undressing you with his eyes?" There was a slight amusement in her voice.

"I.. Eh what... How.. NO!" John's face turned red.

"So it is about that, well where is the problem?"

"Just, I don't know. Did I love him before the Amnesia thing and if yes then why did I turn him away." John's voice was close to cracking.

"I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Kaidan a few months ago. Go for it, tell him how you feel, He'll understand. If you don't talk to him you'll never figure it out." Emma stood up. "Wait here I have an idea how to solve this."

John sat there alone for a few minutes just watching the sun go down. A hand dropped on his shoulder.  
"My mom told me I needed to bring you this." Kaidan held out a bottle of red wine and two glasses. "Also that you wanted to talk with me."

"Yeah, I think she tricked me into this..." John took the bottle from Kaidan.

"She is very manipulative like that and whenever she sets her mind on something no one can stop her." Kaidan held out the glasses for John to fill. "So what's so important that my mom saw the need to trick you."

"We'll crap this isn't easy... It's just... I don't know how to..." John stared on a point between his feet.

"John... Look up." Kaidan's hand lay gently against john's cheek, slowly forcing him to face him. "Whatever it is just talk to me, I can handle it."

"I'm not sure how to put it, I'm afraid that whatever I feel isn't real and might change in time." John took a deep breath.

Kaidan took both their glasses at set them down on the bench before standing up and pulling John to his feet. His hand moved to the back of John's head forcing him closer with a slight pressure.

When their lips met the sun behind them slipped under the horizon. After a moment Kaidan loosened his grip so they both could breath. In the corner of his eye Kaidan saw the Shepard from his dreams smiling, when he blinked the other Shepard was gone.

"You where saying?" Kaidan whispered.

"I'm afraid, Kaidan what if I regain my memory and everything changes?" John's voice was hoarse.

"It wont change anything, believe me this is meant to be." Kaidan thought back at the strange dreams he had had. Everything in them always came true.

John surrendered to his feelings. "To hell with all the doubts." His words sounded a bit more playful now. Suddenly Kaidan could feel Johns arm on his back holding him. John's head lowered, playfully his tongue darted over Kaidan's lips. It didn't take long before they where once again kissing this time more urgent, a more basic need for each other, teeth clacking together tongues intertwined.

* * *

Somewhere in the back James stood with three woman sharing a bottle of wine. Lieutenant Smith nudged James' side with her elbow.  
"So Girls who had money on they won't even drink the wine?" Sandra spoke cheerfully.

"That would be me Marilyn." James nudged her back in the side.

"Geez, how could you have guessed that one anyway James?" She paid out the pool.

"Ha, there is one rule on the Normandy." James grinned as all three looked straight at him. "Never bet against the Commander."

The tree woman all started laughing at the same moment. "Damn James you could have saved us the trouble of opening a bottle for them." Sandra hit him on the shoulder. "Now move your fine ass marine, we should leave the lady's alone, we grunts belong in the dirt."

James Saluted her. "Yes Ma'am, in the dirt ma'am." He chuckled slightly as he walked of with her.

Hannah took a sip of her wine. "Damn over three years, a reaper invasion, possible multiple deaths and all it took for John to open up to someone was a case of Amnesia and someone to pin him down?"


	26. Chapter 26: Fishing

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

**_Note: Okay now I'm getting annoyed, I tried for 3 days to get this chapter to upload properly and it still won't work. Somehow everything gets all messed up. From rollbacks to unedited versions, to other chapters. I apologize for the mix up, hopefully it works this time._**

* * *

**Fishing**

"EDI we are staying here for the night. We'll call you for the shuttle in the morning."

"Okay Kaidan, we will keep the ship in a stationary orbit."

Kaidan turned off his omnitool, John was already waiting for him. They had finally managed to gather themselves and not fall over each others mouths every few seconds. Now they had spent their time drinking wine in the moonlight, talking about all the things that John wanted to know.  
For Kaidan it was hard at first but after a while he found it easier to tell every story he remembered of their adventures in the last few year's.

"So John tell me this why did you remember Lieutenant Smith?" Kaidan sat back down on the bench, John immediately settled under his arm.

"Hmm, I can't explain it why. But I remember the day I learned I was a Biotic. Just like I remember boot camp and the N7 program in Rio. If I had to guess it's because she was a part of all that. I think they wanted me to be the perfect soldier, so they had to leave parts of that intact." John slipped down on his back putting his head in Kaidans lap.

"So what is the story between you two?" Kaidan's fingers played around with the short hair on John's head.

"Complicated, let's say I wasn't in to girls." John grinned a little.

Kaidan playfully grabbed a handful of John's hair. "Well I'd say she found someone now. Did you see how she looked at James?"

"Yeah, but I thought he was worse off, if he could have he would have swept her of her feet right there on the spot." John's eyes were focused on the stars above him.

Kaidan was happy, a happiness he hadn't experienced before. Years of insecurity, hopes and waiting had finally led him to the exact spot he had always wanted to be. The only downside was that John still wasn't quite himself, still that little bit insecure about his own feelings. But it didn't change anything, even if it was only for this moment, it was all worth it.

John's fingers slid down Kaidans neck, slipping under the collar of his shirt before moving back up towards his hair. The fine hairs of Kaidan's neck stood up, Kaidan wanted to just tear their clothes of right here but after all this time he wanted to enjoy every second they had.

"So, how come you are so sure I wont change my mind later?" John had a challenging look in his eyes.

"Ah well once you go Canadian, you'll never want anything else..." Kaidan reluctantly removed himself from John and stood up.

"Talking about bacon or men?" John let himself be pulled to his feet grinning.

"I'll show you, wait here for a moment." Kaidan ran back towards the house. In the kitchen his mother and Hannah where playing a card game.

"Major, I really hope you take good care of my boy." Hannah said without removing her eyes from the game.

"Yes ma'am. Mom do you have any more wine?" Kaidan felt a hand on his arm. As he looked to whom it belonged his mother held out a basket.  
"Oh, thanks mom you're the best." He kissed her forehead and ran back outside. As he moved away he heard his mom say. "Hannah pay up, you lost that bet."

John smiled from ear to ear as Kaidan approached him, holding out the basket. "So what was so important that you left me here?"

"I just wanted to pick up another wine bottle before I take you to my favorite spot, think my mom already prepared something for us." Kaidan guided them towards a little path leading a bit downhill.

The small path was a bit more overgrown then it was the last time Kaidan had used it. After a bit of a struggle getting through the bushes they could finally see the place Kaidan had wanted to go to. A small lake fed by a freshwater stream. Kaidan followed the water to a small cave.

"Dad and I came here to fish, we always set up a fire in front of the cave." Kaidan set down the basket and grabbed a bit of wood from inside the cave.

"So we came down here to fish in the middle of the night?" John teased Kaidan a bit.

"No, so I could make you real Canadian bacon on an open fire." Kaidan piled up the fire wood and unpacked the basket. His mom had really provided them with everything they might need. From drinks to food and even a blanket where all neatly packed in there.

When he had the fire going kaidan heard a splashing sound coming from the lake, John had dropped his clothing in a trail leading towards the lake and had jumped in. "So Kaidan, how about you show me how to fish." John stood up to his waist in the water.

"John normally you have to put bait on a hook, not just throw the bait in the water." Kaidan removed his boots and walked towards the water. A firm hand grabbed him by the belt and pulled him in the water.

Kaidan plunged in the water going under for a moment when he came back up his hair fell flat over his eyes. John wiped his hair away from his face. "So I think i caught a big one, now how do I real him in?"

"Slow and steady less he break the line." Kaidan tried to pry of his wet shirt.

Strong hands moved over his back lifting his shirt for him, pulling it over his head. The moonlight fell on the ring still attached to his dog tags. The light reflecting in the inlaid stone, Kaidan noticed the reflection on the water surface. A smiling Shepard looked at him before the ripples in the water obscured the reflection.

Kaidan looked up in the sky, noticing for the first time that the constellation of Pegasus was above them. He could have sworn that one star had shone a bit brighter for a second. But before he could take a better look warm lips locked with his. Hands Held him close and Kaidan's attention was required somewhere else.

Kaidans hands trailed the muscles on Johns back, following them down and towards the sides. Letting his hands rest on either side of John's hips. Though it was taking all of Kaidan's willpower to stop there, he was not going to rush anything. He would let John set the pace, not wanting to force anything that John wasn't sure about.

But it seemed John had already decided otherwise. His hands grabbed Kaidans lower back pressing himself close to Kaidan who could now feel that John had in fact really gotten rid of every piece of clothing before jumping in the water. Now the hard length of his cock pressed against Kaidan, demanding to be noticed.

Kaidans hand slipped down between them stroking John's full length, who let out a soft moan. Kaidan Pushed John with his back against the rocks on the edge of the lake. Nodding at him with a slight movement of his head, urging John to sit on the edge. John reluctantly obeyed, Kaidan's lips traced down John's stomach.

Kaidan gripped tighter on John's shaft before his lips closed around the tip. He could feel how John's breathing became faster.

John leaned back, his moans becoming louder. With one hand he grabbed the back of Kaidans head, holding him as his own release drew closer.

"Kaidan, I..." John's voice was barely a whisper anymore. His moans became loader as his muscles tensed up before he found his release.

Kaidan pulled himself up on the rock next to John both of them laying on their backs next to each other.  
"Guess you caught that fish." Kaidan smiled next to him.

"Yeah, but I should really take a closer look at my catch now." John turned to his side, only now noticing that Kaidan still had his soaked pants on. "Ah, crap it's not even a fish, it's a male mermaid."  
John tried prying of Kaidan's pants, the textile stuck to Kaidan's legs. "Now if these don't come of on their own I'm going to need a knife."

Kaidan doubled over laughing. "Here let me." Kaidan peeled of his pants and threw them to the side.

* * *

_Kaidan had fallen asleep in Johns arms, somewhere in the distance he heard the soft crackling sounds of their camp fire. He felt the hot breath from John over his skin and was slipping of to a comfortable nice place._

_"He's close." A friendly familiar voice said from behind him._

_"Shepard?"_

_Kaidan opened his eyes. John was sleeping in front of him but the voice had come from behind. Slowly looking over his shoulder Kaidan saw the confident teasing smile of Shepard. But something was different this time, Shepard was not solid Kaidan could see right through him as if it was only a ghost of the former Commander._

_"Yes my love." There was a tingling sensation where Shepards hand touched Kaidan's skin._

_"How can you be here? Am I dreaming again?"_

_Shepard laughed. "Yes and No. From what I understand we have a connection, something kept pulling me back to you."_

_"What do you mean something kept pulling you back?"_

_"Think about it Kaidan, when do we meet here?"_

_"The first few times while we where stranded. After that? hmm Mostly after missions where we fought against you." Kaidan tried to remember all the times he had dreamt of John._

_"What did all our meetings have in common?" John slightly cocked his head._

_"Nothing I can remember."_

_"But they had something in common."_

_John moved slightly in his sleep, his hand touched the ring on Kaidan's dog tags. Suddenly he blinked, confusion written in his eyes as he watched from Kaidan to the Shepard behind Kaidan._

_"Kaidan take care of him... Well me and John, don't be stupid. Hold on to him, I was an idiot for not claiming him when I had the chance." With that Shepard suddenly disappeared. John looked puzzled towards Kaidan._

_"I'll explain it when we are awake."_

* * *

The first sunlight danced over the horizon, Illuminating the rocks in front of their little cavern.  
John's arm hurt from the reduced blood flow, but he didn't want to wake up the man whose head was resting on it.

The omnitool on Kaidans arm had awoken him a while ago The beeping sound of someone calling, but John had just muted the device. He didn't want to leave this place for the first time everything had felt right as it was, he wished they could just stay here together and far away from all the fighting.

Kaidan moved a little as the sunlight fell on his closed eyelids. John bent over and kissed him right above the brow.

"I really don't want to wake up if this was all just a dream." A soft mumble came from Kaidan.

"If this is a dream it's a really convincing one." John slowly pulled his arm away from under Kaidan. Stocking the camp fire that had died down to only a small glimmering rest. "So last night..."

"You don't regret doing this do you?" Kaidan jumped up.

"Never." John turned around standing up to meet kaidan eye to eye. "I just want to be sure you don't regret anything."

"How could I ever regret the things I wanted for years."

"Years huh? I must have been a total ass or a complete moron before."

"Maybe you where a bit of both." Kaidan said teasingly.

"Well you just wait till next time... Then I'll show you who's an ass around here." John gave Kaidan a small slap on his butt.

"ehem, Well Ladies. I don' want to interrupt your ass groping around here, but the major didn't answer his calls. So our fair and friendly councilor told me to find you girls." Lieutenant Smith stood with her arms crossed at the cave entrance.

John turned around facing her. "Sandra, couldn't you have knocked the major and I where having a moment here."

She covered her eyes with one hand. "Damn Johny I can see you where having a moment, could you please cover that up less I get jealous."

"What? You mean my perfectly sculpted body? Mr. Vega not man enough for you Sandra?" John grinned from ear to ear.

"Shut that pie hole of your's Johny and just so you know Mr. Vega is the perfect gentleman compared to your inappropriate ass."

Kaidan tried hiding behind John's shoulders he had gone from slightly embarrassed to a state of barely managing to not bursting out in laughter.

"Come on Sandra, admit it he's just too nice for you. I know he can't hold up with me, but hey not everyone can be as lucky as the Major here." John dragged Kaidan from behind him.

"Ehm you said something about messages?" Kaidan really whished he could just turn invisible right then and there.

"Damn Johny, sorry I broke your toy. But damn, is he cute when he's embarrassed. Anyway before he melts completely in the ground, the Normandy called and the Councilor wanted to see you before you run of again."

It had taken John and Kaidan another hour to get properly dressed and packed before they returned to the house.  
Kaidans clothes where still soaked and he was glad when they reached the house that his mom quickly got him a dry and warmer set wear.

"John, I talked with some of the other councilors. They agreed to reinstate your Spectre status and since I'm still technically an Admiral in the alliance I can also reinstate your rank and position." Hannah sat bent over a pair of data pads.

"I don't know if I want to return to the Alliance, I can't decide on something like that without knowing who I was and what I did." John threw a quick look towards Kaidan. "And I don't want to return if that means I could get in to trouble for fraternization."

Hannah nodded. "I understand son, but see the second the Alliance bras discovers you're alive they'll haul your ass in anyway. They won't let a chance slip to get their poster boy back. If I reinstate you before they can do that... Well being a spectre is going to give you the benefit of not having to care what they want."

John thought it through for a moment. "Your right as always, but won't the Brass knowing I'm back make it difficult for our current job?"

"Deep cover, dear. We only inform them that we recruited someone that's on their payroll and they will learn who that it is when that person comes out of cover."

John accepted, if it meant he could stay close to Kaidan he would do it.


	27. Chapter 27: The One Ring

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

_Rated M since i don't want to limit what i can and can't do as the story progresses._

* * *

**The One Ring**

John kicked off his boots the second he had reached his room on the Normandy. That last talk with his mother had left him somewhat conflicted over his own situation. He wasn't sure what to think of this new development, on the one hand he was glad that once again being a spectre would give him some protection from being hauled of to the Alliance for questioning. But on the other side there now once again where people depending on him to be the Commander Shepard he used to be.

John sat down at his desk if he was going to be a spectre he might as well use his new rank to gain more knowledge about everything going on around him.

"EDI unlock all special reports from Commander John Shepard."

"I transferred all files to your personal workstation, Kaidan moved authorization of your former files back to you Commander. I also took the liberty of restoring your access to all security footage from the Normandy."

"Thanks and EDI.. It's still John, not there yet."

"Yes John, also DR Chackwas wanted to remind you that you should come in for your last treatment."

"hmpf, forgot about those." John said more to himself then anyone else.

A few minutes later he had at least gained a small overview of the data he could now access. Most where old mission reports, John quickly transferred them to a data pad. If he had time he would read through those later.

But a single file caught his eye, it was dated after his spectre codes had been disabled.

John opened up the file labeled: where it all began, there was only a single image in the file. A ring with an inlaid stone, on the inside there where names he didn't recognize on the stone there was a single word written.

"**RIO**"

John looked at the image for a while. He had seen a ring like that recently... On Kaidan's dog tags.

"EDI, who sent this file?" John pointed at the monitor well knowing that the camera in his room was still in place.

"Untraceable, Whoever sent it knew how to hide it from me." The disembodied voice sounded through the room.

"Where is Kaidan?" John transferred the image to a data pad.

"War Room"

John ran towards the elevator, he was sure the image meant something important. He just wasn't sure what it was yet.

* * *

"Major, we can't find any trace of Miranda Lawson. We know you need her for your mission but we can't find her. She disappeared after the war was over. But if you tell me what you need of her, I'm sure we can find an adequate replacement."

"Admiral, I'm sorry I can't tell you anything more about what we are doing at the moment. Miss Lawson is the only one who can help us at this point."

"Damn Alenko, What the hell are we supposed to do? First a missing corpse, then all this red tape and the only thing we hear from the Normandy is a short Cerberus is back. Even the council won't tell us what's going on."

"Sir I understand but I can't change anything about this. I can only discuss the details with the council."

"Then at least tell me what's this about a new human Spectre?" Hacket sounded annoyed.

"That's as classified as it can get, sir. The council made it clear that no one should know who this new Spectre is." Kaidan was getting tense he could tell that the Admiral wasn't about to let it go.

Charles walking up behind Kaidan however was enough to distract the Admiral for a moment.

"Alenko Major, the Redacted designation Spectre. Requires your presence." The Geth's head turned from Kaidan towards the Admiral. "Hacket Admiral we must request to stop asking question regarding the identity of Redacted designation Spectre." Charles slowly turned and left.

Kaidan watched ow the Admiral stared at him in disbelieve. "Sorry Admiral but I need to go." Then he cut the line before the Admiral could reply. Slowly turning and moving back in to the war room.

John stood there with a large grin next to Charles. "How was my Geth impersonation?"

Kaidan shook his head. "That was you? How?"

John leaned back against the wall and shrugged. "I've been training with Charles, the whole control chip thing... Anyway I can use the Geth consensus now, guiding his actions. Maybe we can use it against Styx one day."

"Well I'll be damned, not that I'm not grateful for you saving my ass from Hacket but still it's hard to wrap my head around. Anyway did you need me for something?" Kaidan blinked his eyes when he saw the Geth next to John imitate Johns exact movements.

John leaned over to Kaidan giving him the data pad. "I got a message, someone directed it at me knowing my spectre codes and the Normandy well enough to hide it from EDI and Liara. Take a look."

Kaidan watched the single image displayed on the data pad, his hand moved unconscionably towards the chain with the ring.

"I thought I saw that ring last night. So what's the story, any secret lovers i should be afraid of?" John took two paces towards Kaidan pulling out the ring from under Kaidans shirt.

"It's yours, only a handful people knew you had worn it on the chain of your dog tags, even less knew that there are names on the inside." Kaidan grabbed a small chain with two dog tags from the table in the middle of the room. Placing the ring on the chain he held in his fingers. "Here I didn't have a chance yet to give them to you, now that you're reinstated."

John took the chain containing the dog tags inscribed with his own name. Studying the ring. "It doesn't look that special." He hung them around his neck and slid the ring under his shirt.

The second the ring touched his chest, John dropped to the floor. Charles leapt forward-looking at Kaidan. "I lost the connection to his control chip." Charles grabbed John and started running towards the med bay. "EDI we need Medical assistance."

Kaidan didn't even realize what happened, all he knew was he had to run after the Geth who was carrying John.

* * *

_Death _  
_Destruction_

_All the images he saw flashing in front of him overwhelmed his senses. He couldn't understand them, the images confused him. There where only a few moments they seemed clearer. In those moments he could see himself, laughing, crying, dieing, Fighting._

* * *

"Doctor what's wrong with him?" Kaidan was impatient, he couldn't stand waiting anymore.

"Physically he's fine. But I detected some unusual brain activity, abnormal beta waves. Otherwise there is only an increase in his rapid eye movement, signs typically associated with intense dreaming." The moment Chackwas finished talking John opened his eyes.

"What? Where am I?" John rubbed his eyes as the light obscured his view.

"John you dropped to the floor, I was worried something happened to you." Kaidan grabbed John's hand.

"I'm fine, just some strange dreams. Doctor how long was I out?" John sat upright on his bed.

"Only a few hours. Your condition closely resembles what happened at Eden Prime. I need to look in to this." Chackwas wandered off.

"John I was so worried." Kaidan grabbed John's hand tighter.

"Kaidan I'm fine, really." John squeezed Kaidan's hand back. "Doctor when can I leave?"

"I should consider keeping you here, normally we have to force you to stay here. Since you asked nicely I would say let me finish up some tests and you can return to your cabin later. I will be keeping you under close observation off course."

A few hours later John was sitting in his cabin waiting for Kaidan. John was still pondering over the ring and the image that was sent to him, what was in Rio, why would someone sent him such a message? Who could know he was onboard the Normandy and would be reinstated as a spectre.

The door slid open and Kaidan came in. "Hey, I didn't even have to knock or hack the controls what's going on?"

"Nothing I just thought since a simple security protocol won't stop you from entering I could just as well give you full access to my room." A smile darted around John's lips.

"And here I had just gotten used to overriding your security every time I wanted to come by."

"Should I lock you out so you can sneak in on me showering?" John lifted an eyebrow.

"Nah, I could just drag you over to the shower." Kaidan slightly tilted his head towards the bathroom.

"Wouldn't say no to that." John jumped to his feet grabbing Kaidan, bending him over for a kiss.

Their lips and tongues found each other in a familiar way, guided by the need to be together. Hands wandering over each others body's searching for something to hold on to. John leaded Kaidan towards the bathroom door pulling Kaidan's shirt out from his pants, so his hands could feel the soft, warm skin beneath.

"Commander your blood pressure and hart rate increased, is everything alright?" Chackwas voice sounded over the intercom.

"Shit." John murmured under his breath. "This isn't going to work if she's watching."

"Sadly no." Kaidan let go of John pinching his ass before letting his hands be drawn away of the object of his desire.

"Everything is fine, Just working out." John replied pushing the button on his desk.

"I would advice against that for the moment."

"Okay, doctor I'll do something else than." John cut of the communication before she could comment.

"So? Now what do we do?" Kaidan straightened out his clothing obviously disappointed.

"Ever played Biotic Chess?" John pulled open a drawer.

"Never heard of it. What are the rules?"

"It's like chess only we move larger objects through the room with Biotics. The goal is to hit your opponent with one of them." John pulled out a key and opened the display case to his model ship collection.

"You're making this up."

"Maybe I am. But there must be a reason I have all these miniature ships. You get the Geth, reapers and non council races. I take the council ships." John grinned as he laid out the ships on the floor. "Now a ship that gets hit is out of the game, you have to break to your opponents defenses before you can attack the player."

"Okay, let's try this. Maybe you just invented a new strategy game." Kaidan took up his position between the bed and sofa.

"Traynor would be so angry she can't play it."

During the next few hours both of them spent refining the rules, dodging attacks and finding new ways to use their biotics to move ships across the room. Until both of them where tired and fell asleep arm in arm.

* * *

The Shutters on the ceiling window opened Filling the room with a soft light. A song sounded through the comm system, Kaidan slowly opened his eyes needing a moment to gather himself. "The Girl from Ipanema? Really Joker?"

"Sorry Kaidan but you said to wake you before the sun went up over Rio, the song seemed appropriate."

"Be careful Joker someday you might regret it."

John opened his eyes smiling towards Kaidan. "Still here? Thought you would have left me for someone more interesting by now."

"Never, anyway I should prepare. Today We find out who sent you that message." Kaidan swung his legs over the edge of the bed.

"So what's the plan?"

"I go down together with EDI to deliver James to the N7 program on base in Rio, your mother speeded up his paper work. While we are there we try to find out who sent the message. While he checks in for training I try to distract anyone who could ask questions while EDI tries to trace where the message originated from. If everything fails, James can still send us anything he finds out while in training"

John thought about it for a moment. "I should come with you."

"You can't, the second you set foot on an Alliance facility every marine will recognize who you are. If Styx is there they will pack up and run."

"Styx knows who you are they would set of every alarm bell the second you enter."

"Probably, that's why I want you and Charles in the shuttle. If they run you follow them. EDI can maintain contact with Charles. Liara will stay here to assist in going through any data we find."

John stood up and flexed his muscles. "Okay but I get to take Garrus." John walked over to his armor closet.

* * *

The shuttle had been cramped with the six of them in the back. Steve had landed them on an open field inside the base.  
"Check in is in the main building, the N-Program is located in the back of the base." John pointed on the map on the display.

"Loco any last advice?"

"Yeah hands of my records or I'll need to come back and break them again."

James laughed as he picked up his footlocker and stepped of the Shuttle.

John put in his earplugs listening in on Kaidan as he talked to some soldiers on the reception. They waited for a while where nothing seemed to happen. James paperwork was checked and he was being entered for training. kaidan was chatting up some officers who seemed all to happy to talk about their work now that the war was over.

John sank a bit deeper in his seat, while he listened how the officer bragged about how they rebuild most of the base already and how nice their new recruitment plans where going. James was sent of to medical examination, just as John thought he would fall asleep Charles informed them that EDI had acquired access to the database.

"Anything useful?" John watched as the Geth read the data streams on a monitor, too fast for the human eye to follow.

"Massive amounts of communications, but those where to be expected. We are sending everything to the Shadow Brokers network, the broker will cross examine if anything stands out." The Geth didn't move his head away from the flashing screen.

"This is useless by just sitting here we will never find out who sent that message." John was restless from all the waiting.

"EDI has been noticed, she is fighting of the security protocols. John we need to get them out of there before anyone notices."

John nodded opening the communications to Kaidan. " Alpha team, retreat the cat is out of the bag." No reply, Kaidan's communications where down. "Kaidan? James? Can you hear me?" John loaded his guns and put on his helmet.

"Suit up people we must get them out of there."


	28. Chapter 28: Rio

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

* * *

**Rio**

John closed the visor of his helmet. Taking a moment to gather himself before he opened the shuttle door.

"Steve get back in the air and cover us. See if you can get through to Kaidan."

"Yes Sir."

John jumped of the shuttle standing in the middle of the airstrip. "Shit not much cover here, let's hope we don't have to fight our way through the complete base. People chances are if Styx has their hands in this we need to fight through hordes of our own. Try to stun and disarm."

They ran a few paces away before the shuttle took of the ground.

"Say I don't know how it's done in your Alliance base, but if an alien and a giant machine jumped of in full combat gear in the middle of a Turian base... Well let's say why doesn't anyone stop us?"

"Yeah, specially since there are turrets on those guard towers, and normally they would be alarmed by an unauthorized shuttle taking off." John stopped for a moment looking around. "Shit this is wrong, not even a person in the open? This smells like a trap." John turned around finding his way towards the shooting range.

"What now?" Garrus sounded slightly nervous.

"We go through the maintenance tunnels under the base. I don't feel like walking in a trap on an open field."

* * *

Kaidan's head was throbbing, as he woke up he had a hell of a migraine. Grateful that there wasn't any bright light that would make things worse.

But where the hell was he? He recounted the events, they had come to the base in Rio some General had been eager to talk to him while James checked in for N7 training. Shit James, where was he? And EDI last he saw her she had wandered off to find a terminal. He had to find them. Kaidan struggled to get to his feet, he felt dizzy.

"Major I should have guessed you would manage to get yourself caught. Please tell me that Shepard is on the way." A female voice sounded through the dark.

"Who wait, Miranda? Shit where am I?" Kaidan found a force field on one side of the room baring his way out.

"The brig, they keep those they imprison here before implanting them." Her voice sounded with regret.

"So you send the message to John? And why are you here anyway?" Kaidan's eyes slowly adapted to the darkness surrounding him.

"I was caught by Cerberus or Styx as they now call themselves shortly after the war. They used me to implant those soldiers with control chips, when I overheard that they lost Shepard I tried to contact him. Hoping he would have broken free of them."

"Geez Miranda why didn't you just contact me or EDI? John isn't really himself at the moment. He has only escaped the control chip due to a Geth upload in his implants. and why aren't you under their control?"

"They needed me to bring him back to life, his implants failed some of those where reaper tech. Cerberus couldn't risk loosing my expertise, so they rather forced me to work for them. Major, I fear they will force me to implant you next."

"They won't, John can't be far. He'll find a way to reach us in time, he has to." Kaidan hoped he was right.

* * *

"Another explosive at this Junction, this should run directly under the South-eastern guard tower." John pointed at the spot he had in mind.

"Not that I mind-blowing things up but why are we doing this?" Garrus set the explosives.

"Should we have to fight our way out, well let's say I remember that tower sinking of slightly because the tunnels here are a bit unstable." John watched down the tunnel. "Okay still clear, next junction we should be right under the medical facility."

John felt uneasy they had been too long in these tunnels and still no one had tried to stop them. It was as if Styx wanted them to walk right in.

"John we have lost contact to Normandy, it seems something is blocking our communications." Charles walked back towards the last junction. "There is a disruption signal, we lose our ability to communicate if we go further down that tunnel.

John thought about the situation at hand. "Set a beacon if we aren't back in communications rang within 30 minutes send out a distress call to the Normandy." John set the alarm in his omnitool. "Let's move forward we haven't got far to go."

They hurried along the tunnel, turning around the corner at the last junction. John's heart was racing, what if he was too late? What if he had lost Kaidan? He didn't want to think about those things, but the questions kept bothering him, making it hard to concentrate. He hurried up the ladder hopefully leading him towards Kaidan.

* * *

"So this is their main base?" Kaidan had adapted to the darkness, now he could recognize Miranda clearly in a cell across his.

"No, geez how stupid are you people? The Rio base is where Cerberus started recruiting from among the Alliance. Really didn't any of you pay any attention? They spent years using your own people recruiting them from the training facilities."

"Okay but where is their headquarters?" Kaidan wondered how long Miranda had been kept here, he could clearly recognize her hair hanging loosely in unkempt strains.

"I don't know for sure but from what I could overhear they are in an old abandoned facility. Going by the amount of time it takes a shuttle to reach them and return I would say pretty far out near the edge of the Solar System."

"Wait you're saying they are right next to the relay?" Kaidan

"It would seem the most logical thing for them to do. "

A door on the far end of the hallway opened and flooded the corridor with light, Kaidan flinched away form the bright light that immediately made his headache worse. "Miss Lawson that's enough or should we torture your sister?"

"You wouldn't dare. You know your boss still needs my coöperation!" Miranda kicked against the wall in anger.

"Well that's right miss Lawson and right now the boss wants you to make that one obedient." The heavily armed guard walked in as he pointed toward Kaidan.

Kaidan was about to protest as the guard pushed on a control panel and gas started pouring in his small cell. "Sleep tight idiot." The guard smirked as Kaidan fell unconscious.

* * *

John watched around the corner, quietly signaling the others to take cover in the hallway. "Two armed guards in front of the doctor's office and another two in front of the infirmary."

"If they sound the alarms we won't have much time before more will show up." Garrus exchanged the ammunition mod on his riffle.

"Yeah, I might have an idea." John holstered his gun and walked down the hall.

"Shit, he isn't really..."

"There is a 85% likely hood they will see through his bluff." Charles stowed away his sniper rifle and pulled out the small pistol with a silencer. "Then again organics never seize to amaze me."

"In their stupidity or in their dumb luck?" Garrus followed the Geth's lead.

"Both... Normandy's enemies seem to be more stupid than the average."

John walked up towards the Infirmary's doors before the two guards raised their guns. "Halt no one gets in without the bosses permission."

"Yeah about that, I really need to see the prisoner, He has crucial information on some rogue elements who infiltrated the base." John hoped he was right in his assessment they had one of his people locked up here.

"We need to check that with the boss."

John's Biotics flared up trapping both guards in a well placed singularity. Behind him he heard to soft popping sounds and the other two guards dropped to the ground. A few seconds later the guards in front of him where dozing off both having a small arrow in their necks.

"Let's hope these tranquilizers Chackwas cooked up hold them down for a while." Garrus stepped over one of the guards searching through his pockets.

"We should put them somewhere they won't be found." Charles dragged two men at once back behind the corner.

John nodded. "Throw their weapons down the maintenance shaft."

* * *

"What's taking you so long? The boss said to implant him." The marine got impatient.

"Damn man he's an L2, I can't just pop his skull open and throw in an extra implant. He isn't some stupid grunt like the rest of you, if I'm not care full his implants could overheat or worse his Biotics get uncontrollable and you would want to be torn to shreds just because he sneezes would you?" Miranda was stalling, yes. But if she couldn't prevent this from happening she would at least try to sabotage the control chip as best she could.

"Well hurry up, you need to do finish the other one up before his friends notice him missing."

Miranda took a deep breath studying the scans one last time. "If you think it's so easy why don't you study medicine for a few years and become something more than a mere meat pile. Anyway the moron who did his implants back in the day was a brute, if I could just replace his implants with something adequate, you don't happen to have any L5 implants around here?"

"No, now do your work or should I start my career as doctor by rearranging your face?"

"I get it, just give me some space to breath. I need to design a new wiring for this to work."

"Just get it done." The marine walked back towards the door holding Miranda at gunpoint.

At least now she could try to redesign the chip so Major Alenko might have a chance of resisting the control chip.

* * *

John slipped through the doors of the infirmary, two marines where standing with their back to him. Another one was sitting at a desk at the end of the room. On a gurney James was strapped down and looked as if he was sleeping.  
John held his gun behind his back and cleared his throat. "Sir, I've been told to pick up the prisoner."

"Yes? Funny I didn't issue the order." The man pushed his chair back and the two marines spun around to face John.

"Yeah, well maybe since the order came from me." John sprinted forward throwing a shockwave towards the two marines before dodging behind a medical cart.

"Really I could swear he's even more reckless than he used to be." Garrus remarked while kicking the door open.

"Probably, is this what you organics call an emotional response." Charles Shot at one of the marines who was struggling to get back on his feet.

"John emotional? He was the most level-headed human I ever saw." Garrus took cover behind one of the hospital beds.

"Maybe then this is the human reaction stemming from a threatened lover?" Charles walked through the middle of the room. When a bullet hit his shields he cocked his head. "I calculated you will have to exchange your thermal clip before my shields go down. I must insist you surrender."

"Wait John and lover? Are we talking about the same man?" Garrus leaned out the side and shot a tranquil arrow in the leg of the second marine.

"Shut it both of you." John leaped over the cart shooting towards the officer. "Ah these little arrows are crap." John grabbed his other gun.

"That's just because you're aim is horrible." Garrus looked up seeing the Officer taking a shot at Charles and decided to overload the mans shields.

"Thanks couldn't you have done that 15 seconds ago?" John's Biotics flared up and he pulled the man towards him. The officer landed directly before Charles feet who knocked the man's gun away across the room. John lowered his gun, walking towards the struggling officer.

Charles cocked his head slightly to the side while he lifted the man up by his shoulders. "No implant detectable."

"What the hell you freak let me loose."

John opened his helm up seeing the instant recognition in the mans eyes. "Nope he's the worst kind of ass hole... One who joined Cerberus of his own idiotic reasons."

"What should we do with him?" The Geth turned his head to face John.

"First mister moron here will tell us where Kaidan and EDI are. Then he will be so nice and disable the scrambling signal that's blocking our communications and maybe then I won't have to ask Garrus to give the poor fool a first hand demonstration of how the Turian special forces extract information." John blinked towards Garrus.

"Oh but those demonstrations are my specialty... They speak of those on Omega even Years after I left that place." Garrus rubbed his hands.

Charles looked as if he didn't understand anything anymore. Before he could speak however the man broke together in a sobbing voice. Spilling everything he knew.

John was already planning their next move. "Garrus tie up those two marines and see if you can wake up James somehow. Charles make a nice package out of this scum bag. I want to make sure he can't get away."  
John searched for anything they could use as makeshift restraints. "Oh and one more thing..." John drew his gun and shot the man in both legs.

The man howled in pain, before Charles knocked him out.

"I can't understand he was already constrained why did you shoot him?" The Geth looked puzzled.

"First he can't run off now, second he liked to 'play' his prisoners." John reloaded his weapons. "If we are done here we need to get to Kaidan before they can put a chip in him.

* * *

Miranda couldn't stall anymore, her guard was getting agitated. Sadly she hadn't heard any fighting or even a single communication that could give her a reason to think Shepard was really on the way. "I'm sorry Major." She whispered as she picked up the scalpel.

She made the first incision exactly along the old scar from his implants. Silently scolding at the brute who must have done the L2 implant, she tried to remove as much of the scared tissue surrounding it as she dared. Constantly watching on over the scans monitoring every move she made.

A knock at the door made her jump up as she lost her concentration. "I can't use any distractions, could you please do your job for once and see to it that I'm not disturbed." She snapped at her guard.

The doors flew open, a tied up man on a bureau chair rolled in the operation room, Losing balance as the chair rolled in and toppled over. The guard drew his gun and walked towards the swinging double doors. Before reaching the doors Miranda threw the scalpel in her hand in the guards neck. The guard stumbled over his own feet falling headfirst through the doors.

"Really now they start committing suicide before I get to shoot at them." The familiar male voice came from outside.

"Yeah, shoot at them is about right. But actually hitting a target that's something else completely."

"Shepard? Garrus? What the hell took you so long." Miranda crossed her arms in front of her.

"Ehm hello, I guess... and you are?" John took a big step over the dead guard. Looking around to access the situation John's eyes fell on the operating table. His head spun, everything turned black and he sank to the ground.

"Great, Charles what's wrong with him?" Garrus kneeled beside John turning him over.

The Geth dragged a half sleeping James along kicking the dead guard aside while he entered the room. "Increase in Brain activity, Rapid eye movement. He is experiencing some form of intense memory."

Miranda applied medi-gel to kaidan's incision and bandaged him up. "So why did it take you so long, Garrus? I couldn't stall operating the major any longer. Thankfully you came at the last possible moment."

"We took a more hidden path inside, strangely we have barely encountered any resistance."

"Get the major off this table and bring Shepard here. I need to see what those fools did to him." Miranda dragged a scanner over.

"How's Kaidan anyway?"

"He's fine I just re-adjusted his L2 implant in the hope I could fool the guard." She walked behind Garrus who carried Kaidan towards a corner of the room. "This injection should wake him up, he will take a few minutes. What about the meat pile?"

"James remember him? He was drugged on a gurney in the infirmary. Dozes off again every few minutes." Garrus carried John over towards the operating table.

She turned towards John studying over the scans she made.  
"He's fine for now, but someone messed around with his implants. We can't do anything but wait until everyone is back on their feet. But tell me why didn't he know who I was?"

"Amnesia, is all I got for you. The details well that's why we have been searching for you actually." Garrus set up a defensive position in front of the doors.

"By the looks of his brains someone tried to actively mess with his memories."

The alarm on John's omni-tool beeped for a short moment.

* * *

"Liara we haven't heard from them in 35 minutes, the distress signal came 5 minutes ago. We should call the council and ask what to do. Hell we even lost EDI before that. I'm worried Liara."

Liara stood in the CIC next to Traynor. "Anything?" But she already knew the answer.

Traynor just shook her head, seemingly disappointed that they couldn't establish contact.

"Steve any sign of them out there?"

"Negative, can't fly near enough anymore the towers are manned. They set up turrets a while ago."

"Damn, Traynor connect me to the council. We will need help."


	29. Chapter 29: Death, Destruction

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

* * *

**Death, Destruction**

_Death_  
_Destruction_

_The images where still a blur flashing in front of his eyes. But now he could make out faces, people he once knew._

_"We can control them!"_

_He knew it was a lie the guy was telling himself. Something forced his hand, a single gunshot fired, ripping through the Admiral, no not just an Admiral one of his friends. A man he respected deeply, who fought along his side to stop this madness. The other guy was talking but he didn't listen anymore he was fighting against the words._

_Something he must have said drove the other guy to shoot himself through the head. He couldn't make out the exact words but the guy was gone. He sat next to his friend watching the battle ensuing in space. Soon everything would be over._

_But it wasn't over yet he was forced to make a choice. Whatever choice he would make the entity in front of him made it clear he wouldn't survive. He hated the entity, nothing would have made him more happy than to just destroy the entity right there and now. But the whole galaxy was counting on him, he wouldn't fail them even if it meant he wouldn't see their victory._

_One last time he looked towards the darkness of space, seeing the united fleets fighting the monsters that wanted their destruction. He wouldn't let them down, as fast as his broken body allowed he moved along the path. Taking out his gun he emptied his thermal clip on the big tank like object that stood between him and salvation._

_The tank exploded a giant flash of bright light engulfed his body, the blast knocked him back. A light spread out over the darkness of space. Before the platform he was on gave way and he fell in the depths. He saw the lights of a single reaper flicker and die away, he knew the others would survive._

_He was dieing he felt his own body surrender to the massive damage the explosion had caused. If this would have been an heroic ending there would have been a party. Music would have followed his every pace and people would be cheering at him. People would have gotten drunk and everybody would have been happy, drinking to their victory. But it wasn't such a Heroic ending, he was alone in utter silence only his own breathing to be heard, his heartbeat the only thing he had to know time passed as he lay there between rubble and his own blood._

_He grabbed the ring, looking at the names, remembering the last night he spent together with his friends and loved ones.. The last real happy day in his life, he knew he was dieing and he had only one regret. Clenching the ring in his hand he thought about Kaidan. How he had wanted to tell him how he really felt, how he wanted him to be safe, even if he himself couldn't be there anymore._

_The world grew slower around him his breathing gave way, his hart beat stopped. With his last breath he thought about Kaidan._

_Then he awoke._

* * *

Kaidan hurried over towards John the moment he moved. "John? Everything alright?"

John slowly opened his eyes, smiling as he saw Kaidan kneeling beside him. "Yes and I'm glad to see we got to you in time."

"Yeah, but now we are trapped in here. There is a substantial force awaiting our first move." Kaidan's hand rested on John's shoulder.

John sat upright, giving Kaidan a swift kiss. "Don't worry, I'll find a way to get us out off here."

"That's enough you two love birds." Garrus was staring through the scope of his sniper rifle at a nearby window.

"Said the giant bird." John lifted himself to his feet stretching his muscles before he moved towards the windows.

"Giant bird with a big ass gun. Anyway I have about four dozen hostiles between us and the communication tower, who knows how many more there are we can't see from here. EDI is presumably trapped there and used as an amplifier for their control signal." Garrus handed the rifle to John.

"I see, so we need to get to her and find a way of the base."

"Yeah James is still a bit drowsy, Miranda is helping Charles download all the relevant information ad our distress signal should have gone of 15 minutes ago. So if the Normandy isn't here within the next 5... Well let's just say we're screwed."

John thought about their situation for a moment. "Okay Kaidan, you Miranda and Charles go back the way we came in. Wait for a signal before leaving the tunnels, Charles set of the explosives once you reach the exit. Garrus find a nice sniper spot and give me cover. James you will follow me towards the communications center."

"John I won't let you do this alone." Kaidan walked up to John, laying a hand on his shoulder.

"I won't be alone, Garrus will cover me. Besides I need you to contact the council, get them the information we learned. Tell them the alliance is being used and get Miranda out of here she can remove the implants." Jon averted his eyes, he knew how it sounded. But the odds where against them, even an understaffed alliance base was still a lot to take on in a straight fight.

"This sounds insane, even for you Shepard." Miranda crossed her arms staring at him.

John nodded slightly. "It is insane, but I see no other way, I need you to help those people."

kaidan took John by the shoulders forcing him to look straight at him. "Wait you're saying goodbye?"

John swallowed looking in Kaidan's eyes. "I'm never saying goodbye, we both know they want me alive. If they get me it's up to you Kaidan." John slipped his ring from his dog tags, looking at it for a moment remembering how it always got back to him. "Take it, if they capture me... I don't want them to throw it away."

Kaidan's eyes filled with tears, he knew it was their only chance of stopping this madness but he didn't want to say goodbye again, not now.

John kissed Kaidan only letting him go to whisper against his lips. "I will always love you, remember that for both of us."

"I know, just make sure you don't forget this time. " Kaidan let go and walked with the others down the hall towards the maintenance tunnels.

"Charles contact the Normandy as soon as you can."

"Acknowledged and John good luck." The three of them descended in the tunnels. John took a moment to stare down until he couldn't see Kaidan anymore.

"So Loco, didn't want to say anything before but you really think this is a suicide mission?" James shouldered his shotgun.

"I'm sure if we surrender nicely they'll take us in. If you would rather have that James." John walked towards the main hall.

"Hell no, rather go down taking them with me."

"Good, so remember most of them are under their control, disarm and stun. If everything else fails go for the legs, Garrus take out their shields as much as possible. Wait for my signal before we move out." John ducked next to the door.

"I'm going to set up in one of the offices." Garrus searched through the rooms in the hallway until he found a nice small one that he could easily lock up from the inside.

John grabbed a pair of flash bang grenades and waited for the right moment he knew would come any minute.

* * *

"Victus to Normandy Any updates?" Councilor Victus

"Our shuttle pilot reported that the main building is surrounded. Hostiles have set up barricades leading towards the communication towers. The thanix cannons are manned, expect heavy resistance." Liara relayed the last information Steve had for them.

"The ninth platoon we be on site any minute now. We request you coördinate combat efforts with General Vicarious"

"Thank you Councilor, I will not forget your assistance in this."

"Don't mention it, I still owe the Normandy's crew a great deal for ending the reaper wars. We all do." The councilor cut the line.

Liara looked over the battle map brought up in the CIC, the last images Steve was able to pick up where displayed. A bunch of red dots where popping up on the maps she had from the brokers data base.

"So going by this information we can assume our people are in the main building?" She already knew the answer but awaited confirmation from Traynor who was looking over the data next to her.

"Yes, it seems they fortified the space between the main building and the communications tower the most. Since the communications are also disrupted in that area. We can assume they want to keep them out of there." Traynor drew a wide circle over the map.

"Okay sent the maps to the ninth platoon. Tell them to leave the building alone and concentrate on the thanix cannons and sniper stands for now. If they see a chance they should try to sent in their ground troops from behind the communication tower." Liara marked the tower positions on the map before they were sent of to the Turian General.

* * *

John was going through the path Kaidan would have to take, any moment now they would reach the point where Charles would activate the explosive charges. As if on que the first tower collapsed as a loud and sudden explosion penetrated the stillness surrounding him.

"Now!" John Yelled throwing his flash bang grenades across the field. Storming out to meet the hostile forces outside. There where more than he could have anticipated. "James follow me closely we have to clear ourselves a path." John's biotics where working at their peak, The second he could manage it he threw those that came to close back, throwing a singularity up in front of their path and trying to generally just keep the hostile forces of their back. Behind him he heard James struggle a few times with some of the soldiers who had come too close to them. Sometimes he would see some of the soldiers stagger as a well-aimed sniper shot ripped through their shields and armor.

They where halfway across the empty space, when a Turret's repeated fire ripped through his shields. Running for cover John could feel the bullets tearing through his left leg. On is next step his leg gave way, stumbling towards the ground directly before a bunch of crates who would have been his rescue. He knew the turret would only need a few seconds before it started shooting at them again.

James ran past him grabbing the back of his armor and dragging him past in to safety. "You okay Loco?"

"Can't move, the medi-gel is doing wonders against the pain though." John dragged himself up until his back rested against one of the crates.

"Now what? We're sitting ducks here."

"You'll have to go alone James. I'll draw their attention, get EDI out of there or if there's no other way destroy the tower around her." John checked his weapons through.

"Shit Loco, You'll never survive this. I can't just leave you here."

"That's an order James. Besides this is what the N7 program trains us for. Making the though calls, so others don't have to. Now go, I have your back." John bent around the corner towards the turret that had shot him, immediately the thing fired in a fast repetition towards him. James used the distraction to push forward.

A second explosion further away, drew the attention of his attackers for a moment. Giving him some time to place a singularity neatly in a sniper stand further down the way. Garrus had taken the chance and shot more than a few confused soldiers with little stunning arrows.

John's leg wasn't hurting anymore, to be honest he couldn't really feel it at all. He hadn't told the truth to James, the medi-gel delivery system had been destroyed. The reason it didn't hurt was the same reason he was feeling tired now, the blood loss was just too much. Summoning his last reserves he threw a particular nasty soldier back against the wall of the communication tower. The way was now clear for James, the world became silent around him.

The peaceful quiet was only disturbed from the third and last explosion. Across the airstrip he could swear he saw Kaidan emerge from the ground. John smiled as the world turned dark around him once again.

* * *

Kaidan had pushed them to move faster through he tunnels, finally Charles had gotten an uplink to the Normandy. Kaidan's heart only beated faster in his chest when he heard the Turian fleets where on their way to aid them. If they could get out of here fast enough maybe they could help John.

When they emerged from the tunnels on a far away strip on the other side of the air field Kaidan saw the horrible battlefield. He wanted to run across and get to John but a large metalic hand-held him back. "He made me promise to take you out of here Major."

Kaidan spun around on his heels, beating with both fists against the unrelenting metal frame of the Geth. "How dare you speak as if he's already death."

While the both of them stood there neither waiting to speak out what neither wanted to hear. Miranda suddenly pointed towards the sky. "The Turian fleet, they're here."

Kaidan stopped struggling to get free, maybe it wasn't too late after all. "Steve? The Turians are approaching, we need to get the other out of they're in the middle of the combat zone."  
The Turians made short process with the cannons, clearing a pathway from one side of the base towards the other. A single Alliance shuttle followed their path.

"Prepare for pickup Major." The shuttle broke out of formation as the Turians flew over them hovering near the ground a few paces away.

Kaidan ran as his feet could carry him, jumping in the shuttle. "Turn us around, we must get the others."

"Already ahead of you Major, someone man the turret. This will be a rough flight."

The shuttle took off rejoining the Turian fighters who came around for another airstrike. "Ground forces you are clear to go." A Turian voice sounded over the communications. The Turian ships cleared a landing zone near the main building, Where a handful of Turians jumped out of their ships, guns in hand spreading out.

Steve pulled up next to the main building. Kaidan jumped back out of the shuttle running towards the comm tower. Between the dust and smoke he could see two figures coming his way one was dragging along another. Kaidan's feet almost gave out as hurried towards them.

But it wasn't John, it was James dragging EDI along his side. "James? Where's John?"

"Duck!" James yelled.

The comm tower exploded, the blast knocking everyone off their feet. The smoke and dust making it nearly impossible to see anything anymore.

"John was about 40 paces on ten." Garrus' sounded out of breath. "He hasn't moved in a while."

Kaidan kept low moving over in the general direction Garrus had told him to start looking, the smoke was burning in his eyes and lungs. The fighting around him died down, until he could barely hear any gunshots anymore. Once he reached the general where Garrus had last seen John, Kaidan searched for any sign of John. It didn't really help that he could barely see the ground before his own feet. Falling to his knees he dug between a large pile of rubble and toppled over crates.

Until he finally found a leg, clearing the debris he finally found John. "John! wake up." Kaidan yelled desperately. Removing his gloves he pressed his fingers against John's neck, he felt a weak heartbeat. Barely noticeable and slow but he was still alive. "Hang in there John, I'll get you out of here."

"Steve, Garrus any one I need medical assistance, immediately John is... he's... damn he lost a lot of blood." kaidan's voice broke away as he noticed the puddle of blood he was kneeling in. His own hands were covered, Kaidan checked over John's body until he saw the leg-plates of Johns armor riddled with holes. Immediately he pried of the armor pieces, dumping a whole tube of medi-gel on the wounds. Pressing his hands on the largest ones, trying to stop the blood-flow somehow.

"Kaidan?" James voice came from somewhere behind him.

"Here, John he.. There's so much blood." Kaidan was desperate for some good news for a change.

A young Turian dropped to his knees beside him, opening up a small medical kit. "Damn I never saw so much red blood." The Turians hands moved fast, tying a tourniquet above the wounds and giving him an infusion. Before moving him towards a foldable stretcher. "Both of you carry him back to the main building."

Kaidan did as asked of him, mostly because this was the only thing he could do for the moment. James picked up one side of the stretcher making a fast pace towards the main building.

Miranda cam running out of the main building to meet them, shoving a cart with medical equipment. But it wasn't until Kaidan heard the familiar sound of the Normandy landing that he felt reassured. With both Dr. Chackwas and Miranda he was confident that they could patch John back up.


	30. Chapter 30: Illusive

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

* * *

**Illusive**

Kaidan felt the tension leave his body. He turned to look over the base, a few dozen heavily armed Turians where locking up the remaining controlled alliance personal. There was a first aid station in the main hall where they where patching up the Alliance personal.

Kaidan noticed the young Turian talking to some others. Only now did Kaidan notice that he was basically still a kid maybe 16 or 17. He walked over towards the Kid. "Hey, I wanted to say thank you for helping my friend out there. Didn't catch your name."

The Kid saluted. "Ahern Asclepius, Sir it's an honor to be of assistance."

Kaidan offered his hand. "Stop saluting. I owe you one."

The kid looked a bit overwhelmed, not knowing how to react. An older Turian next to him cleared his throat. "You're supposed to shake his hand, it's a human thing." The kid immediately grabbed kaidan's hand shaking it wildly.

"Sorry Major, he's still young but a great field medic. excuse me, I should introduce myself, General Vicarious of the ninth platoon" The older Turian stepped forward. "But tell me is it true, the man he helped is it really Commander Shepard?"

Kaidan knew there was no use in hiding it anymore. "Yes, the one and only. Though not even the Alliance knows he's alive."

The young Turians face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Think I could get an autograph once he's healed."  
The general shot a serious look towards the kid.

Kaidan had to smile at the thought, John signing autographs he would probably rather flee across the galaxy. "Crap he'll probably hate me for it but I'll ask him."

The kid saluted and left to tend to his patients.  
"Didn't think one so young would be here in the field, tending to humans no less." Kaidan watched after the young Turian as he gave orders to his comrades.

"The war has left us with little options, our youngest recruits were sent to the field. He's one of those who learned the hardships of battle in the field and grew from the experience. Has a knack for xeno-biology too." The General seemed proud of the young medic.

"Anyway General what is our status?" kaidan had to keep busy, trying to find meaningful things to do. His only other option was to pace nervously before the room they had shoved Shepard in.

"My troops are rounding up the last remaining Alliance soldiers. We're patching up the wounded, some of the non-hostile soldiers were locked up in the barracks. For now we're keeping them there. At least until this situation is cleared up with Alliance command." The General flipped through his data pad. "Also, the council can't stall the alliance for ever. It might be a good idea if a certain spectre tells them we took over their base on his request." The General threw a knowing look towards Kaidan.

"Yeah right, I imagine Admiral Hackett is about to explode at the moment. General if you could follow me to the Normandy we should probably talk to the council and Alliance command." Kaidan could just imagine how some voices in Alliance command would be speaking of invasions ad demanding retribution. Most of them probably loyal Styx followers too.

* * *

"I know how it might seem Admiral, but we assure you there are good reasons for all of this." Hannah hoped they would soon get any news from the Normandy because Admiral Hackett was starting to get to her.

"With all due respect councilor, this is getting ridiculous. I want to now why we aren't allowed to retake our own base from a Turian invasion fleet. Hell, give me one good reason why we shouldn't kick them out of the solar system after such a grave breach of the peace treaties." Hackett was getting angry.

"No with all due respect sir, but the Turians acted upon the councils request. We didn't see any other way to solve our crisis." Hannah shot a quick look over towards the other councilors in the corner of the room. Victus only shrugged his shoulders. Enough for her to know they hadn't yet reached the ground forces they sent.

"This is outrageous on what basis would the council even have the right to occupy on of our military facilities." Hackett's face was turning red.

"On the basis of Treason, we lost two spectres and half a ship's crew investigating that place." Hannah lost her cool that moment. A large hand rested on her shoulder, Wrex was standing beside her.

"Admiral, just be happy I didn't send the Krogan to clean up." Wrex smirked knowing too well the Admiral would have something to think about for a moment.

"Damn, I hope you know what you're doing. Command is getting restless, there are those that won't let this one go easily." Hackett calmed himself.

A light blinked up signaling an incoming transmission. "Normandy is reporting in, Major Alenko and General Vicarious want to speak to the council." A voice over the intercom said.

"Put them through, Admiral you might want to hear this." Hannah sat down in front of the table.  
"Spectre Alenko, just so you know we are patching in Admiral Hackett for this. In case there is anything concerning classified information." Hannah folded her hands together in front of her.

"Understood councilor, first of General Vicarious' troops have gained control over the Rio base. All Alliance personal is under house arrest until we can clear them."

"Alenko you knew of this?" Hackett's voice sounded of disbelief. "And what's this about house arrest?"

"To be clear Admiral I didn't really know much about the situation, until I was being kept prisoner by an Alliance officer working for Styx or should I just say he was Cerberus all along. The other spectre set of a distress beacon before launching a suicide mission to disrupt their plans." Kaidan was trying to keep it short, Hackett could read everything in the reports he would have to write anyway.

"You mean he? Is he alright?" Hannah had a hard time keeping herself leveled.

"The spectre in question is in surgery right now. Since we also found Miss Lawson being kept hostage on the base, I'm sure she can patch everything together again."

"So you're telling me Styx had taken over an entire Alliance base and nobody knew they where keeping hostages? That's hard to believe." Hackett shook his head not wanting to believe his ears.

"Admiral It's exactly as it sounds. The Alliance isn't only compromised, they're turning our own people against us, implanting them with control chips. We can't say how many of the higher-ups are either under control or doing this of their own free will."

"But that would mean..."

"Yes, anyone could be our enemy. Admiral I think it's time we set up a meeting We have to tackle this problem at the roots and we will need all the help we can get."

"Alenko I hope you know what you're doing. If it's really this bad then..." Hackett had grown pale over time.

"I'll set something up as soon as our spectre is back on his feet. But Admiral Hackett I must insist we keep the Turians in charge of Rio for now."

"Damn, Alenko I don't know how Alliance command is going to take this." Hackett shook his head, this could as well become the death sentence for his career.

"Just tell them that Rio was infiltrated by an unknown enemy. Watch their reactions. Maybe we can find out if one of them is on Styx side in all of this." Hannah interrupted the two of them.

"Okay, I better not regret this."

"You won't sir." With those words being said the connection was cut off.

* * *

The man exhaled slowly, smoke filling the air around him. He only ever spoke of how he did everything for Humanity. It made John sick, the Illusive man always went to far. He had another name on the tip of his tongue, he tried concentrating on the smoking man, remembering the thick blue smoke in the air. The voice, then it came to him he had seen him somewhere else. The man with the strange black spots on his face. The one who shot the Admiral. The one who had shot himself.

"Phobos"

The man with the blue scaring, the one with the blue glowing eyes. The one who had manipulated him into attacking the Normandy's crew. The one who had always whispered n the back of his head. The voice that controled him.

John's body janked upwards, eyes wde open. "I know how to find him."

John felt a tense grip around his hand suddenly relaxing. "Find who?" A sleepy voice said next to him.

"Phobos, The Illusive Man. Whatever he calls himself now." John felt a hand push him back down.

"Whatever it is it will have to wait Commander, for now you should rest. I can't keep bringing you back from the death." Miranda applied a bit more force to make her point clear.

John let himself relax against the pillow. "Say kaidan, shouldn't you be on the Normandy?"

"And let you gain all the glory again? Don't worry the Normandy is parked nearby. Besides someone had to save you're sweet ass this time." Kaidan grinned as he heard Miranda make a short snorting sound.

"So how bad is the damage? Everything important still in place?" John threw a short glance towards Miranda. "Or did she take a souvenir."

"No Commander, Everything still where it belongs. Though you'll need to rest for a few days. But the damage itself should heal up quickly. For now you should really just sleep and let your body recover for once."

John nodded, he needed some time to come up with a plan anyway.

* * *

John had spent the whole morning talking with EDI and Charles. The plan was slowly manifesting itself.

"So I think they really wanted the Geth in order to use them for a more solid network in controlling their people. Since that failed when Charles escaped they must have been using short-range transmissions whenever possible."

"Possible, the Geth networking capabilities would have given them the means to even control people across relays. Failing to get them we can assume they have been looking in to other plans. The Illusive man always had a backup plan." EDi was studying the control chip schematics Miranda had given them.

"So? Is it possible? Can we really locate them by using the chips against them?"

"Yes, but aside from the risk you would have to take we also require a transmitter strong enough to cover the whole solar system."

"Yeah I know the risk believe me I have no intent on becoming one of their drooling followers again. For a transmitter well how about the Citadel? If we can make a big doom device that destroys all synthetic life in the galaxy then it can't be too hard to use it as a signal booster."

"It could work, but still it's a big risk."

"I know that's why we need to keep this quiet for now. We only want to infiltrate their facilities and gather as much information as we can ." John looked over the elaborate plans the AI's had composed while they had talked. If they where lucky for once this might just work.

* * *

John had sat in the cargo bay of the Normandy for a while now seeing how James and a few other crew members where playing one bowling game after the other. For now he couldn't really do much but wait, Kaidan was making the last arrangements before they would start moving Miranda's patients towards the Citadel. Those marines on base who hadn't been controlled would stay behind together with the Turians.

But until they actually reach the Citadel he wouldn't be able to do much, so the only thng he could do was sit there and wait. Well wait and think about his strange memories that where trying to resurface.

"You look like something the cat dragged in." An obviously tired Kaidan sank to the floor next to John.  
John got pulled away from his thoughts. "Looked in a mirror recently?" But he regretted immediately saying it when he saw how tired Kaidan was. "migraines?"

"No just tired, everyone wants something from me right now. I just want a moment for myself." Kaidan leaned back closing his eyes.

"So when are we going towards the Citadel?" Johns hand stroked through Kaidan's hair.

"Tonight, Aria has seen to it that we have a large part to keep all those unfortunate enough to have become Styx pawns. Plus Miranda can have access to the medical facilities on the citadel, at least those that are still in a working condition."

"Hmm... So it seems you have some time off should we go to my cabin or your's major?" John had a wicket smile darting around his lips.

"I have a cabin on this ship?" Kaidan raised an eyebrow.

"No, but I can offer you a closet for your things in my room."


	31. Chapter 31: Kerberos

_Spoilers: obviously content from the games including the Ending._

_For the most part this will follow ME lore, just adding and adapting._

* * *

**Kerberos**

John was guiding Charles towards what remained of the Crucible docking station on the Citadel. His feet knowing the way more then he himself could remember.

"We won't have much time until a certain someone will discover we disappeared." The Geht walked slowly behind John.

"I know, but until I know this works I really don't want to have to explain this insane plan. Hell Kaidan would probably try to keep me from doing this." John could see the old memories resurface when he looked at the long dirty corridor.

"About that, I can't understand why one such as yourself would pursue a relationship with another male. You would never be able to create offspring, your positive traits would die out."

John let out a soft chuckle. "Charles it's not about just creating new life. Kaidan just makes me feel complete. Besides since when do AI's concern themselves about such things?" John remembered this hallway soon they would reach the large empty hall where everything had started, or ended depending how one looked upon the events.

"I have gathered massive amounts of data ever since I joined the Normandy. We now understand more about organic life, more then we ever could have imagined in the past. You are so complex, so unlike our consensus. The more we learn about those emotions and thoughts organics have the more we see how the old machines were wrong."

"So while you are in my implants you're studying us?" John knew it would only be a few steps until he reached the point where he supposedly died."

"Yes."

John stopped turning around to face Charles. "Maybe it's a good thing, I don't say I like the thought of this, but maybe if those reapers would have taken the time to learn how we think... Well maybe they would have understood us."

Charles cocked his head to the side. "No, they couldn't have. They had no interest in understanding Organics. Their reasoning was flawed."

"So why are the Geth and EDI different from them?"

"We evolved to become sentient, we are still evolving. The Reapers just followed a badly implemented program. We learn and adapt, just like Organics do. We understand that the strength of life is not being perfect but in striving towards a better future, that the road toward that future is what makes life possible in the first place. In the end the only way for both organics and synthetics will lead towards the same goal."

"Then what is our goal, because I have a hard time seeing it with all the bad things in this galaxy." John's gaze followed the path that had led him here, seeing shadows of a past he didn't want to remember right now.

"To create a future where we can understand each other. A future where the mistakes of the past wont be repeated. But to have a chance at a better future we must first destroy the ghosts of the past, Cerberus has to be the past. The reapers where the past. To achieve a better future we must be willing to fight for it."

"I hope you're right Charles, because I can't stand to think what horrors await us if we finally defeat the Illusive man. What's next? Ancient squids from another galaxy? Outer dimensional spirits? I just wish it would all finally end."

"Don't worry about what's next we should only concentrate on the task before us. One step at a time." Charles took a big step forward as to make a point. John shrugged his shoulders and followed.

John stood still taking in his surroundings, only flashes of what happened remained in his memory but it was enough to feel a deep sadness overcome him. "I was sure this would be the end." He whispered.

"Yet you're still alive." The Geth pushed a large piece of debris to the side, clearing a path towards the console in the middle of the room.

"Yes and no, I know I died somewhere down there in a pile of ruble. But Miranda keeps bringing me back, maybe I should finally stop all this fighting, maybe it's time to stop and just live a normal life for once." John touched a particular dark spot on the ground. Words pushing to surface. "Best seats in the house." John sat on the floor, lost in his thoughts.

* * *

"Those humans of your's are actually doing just fine. I just keep them locked up to be sure." Aria pointed towards the big cells in C-sec headquarters. "So when will you take them of my hands? I have a station to run after all."

"Miranda will oversee the removal of their control chips, once that's done we will gladly sent them back to their families." Kaidan had gotten used to the big ego of Aria. She wasn't even that hard to understand, she looked out for herself first and her people second. For the moment that included everyone who followed her orders on the Citadel.

"Fine, but please see to it that they are gone as soon as possible."

"We will, we only need to find the headquarters and put a stop to all of this." Kaidan just wasn't sure when that would be.

"Well then see to it that you do just that, now run off like a nice boy and do your fucking job." Aria waved her hand dismissing Kaidan before she moved towards Bailey who appeared in the door. Oh and Major, inform Shepard that his apartment was largely undamaged. He might want to restock the bar though."

Kaidan nodded before returning towards the Normandy, at least now he knew where to hold their meeting with Admiral Hackett.

* * *

"Charles the Geth you requested are docking with the station. I sure hope you know what you're dong. I had to pull in a few favors with the admirals for this." Tali's voice haled through the room.

"We appreciate this creator Tali'zora. We wouldn't have asked if we weren't sure this is the right thing to do." Charles blanked out on the spot.

"Not that they could stop you anyway, they just aren't too keen on letting the few functioning platforms wander off at the moment."

"I'll try not to break them too much, Tali." John joked over the comm line.

"Keel'ah, Just don't destroy them, we're having a hard enough time as it is restoring the platforms and they are the only ones willing to work the reaper salvage yard."

"Don't worry Tali, just get their connection to EDI's AI core working." John started disassembling his guns putting the parts out in front of him.

"The other platforms will be here shortly, we should prepare."

John only nodded slightly, loosening the straps of his armor. Laying the pieces next to his disassembled weapons. Once he sat stripped down to his under armor he pulled a small device and set it up in front of him.  
"So You might want to strap my hands behind my back, just in case. Biotics don't work too well when I can't move.

Charles, didn't move. John guessed he was interfacing with the console he had been working on. For a long while there was nothing John could do but wait until everything was in place. His thoughts wandered of towards Kaidan. He had felt bad not telling him what he was planning to do here.

But he just couldn't tell him, Kaidan would have tried to stop him or worse insist on helping. John couldn't have gone through with this if it might endanger Kaidan. No it is better this way, still he felt miserable.

"Charles if this goes wrong... Could you tell Kaidan I'm sorry?"

"No, we won't. We will see to it that there is no reason to be sorry." John was startled as a Geth spoke behind him.

"Damn you guys are sneaky, Here I thought giant machines would make more noise."

"We upgraded our platforms." The Geth walked over to the pile of Johns arms and armor. Placing everything in a large bag he had brought. Two other Geth Loaded up their weapons with tranquilizers.

"So how many of you are actually here?"

"Over 12.000 runtimes, not Including the ones you call Charles." The speaking Geth, took out several ropes.

"Ehm I thought you would just tie up my hands or something?" John was looking over to Charles who still hadn't moved. "And why is Charles still not moving?"

"Charles is integrating us with your ship's AI. He will join us as soon as we are ready to begin." The Geth held out the rope waiting for John's okay. "We analyzed the data we had on you, we won't take any risks."

John hesitated for a moment, everything felt surreal. Then stretched out his hands towards the Geth kneeling before him. "I assume Charles explained the details of this?"

The geth tested his own knots before stepping a few feet away and examining the small device John had placed earlier on the floor.

"Say, you guys have names?" John tried to find a somewhat comfortable position.

"Negative"

"Okay then Negative, just warn me when we are ready to begin.

"Negative was an answer not our designation."

"Organics require names to keep living beings apart, they also seem to have a habit of giving names to their favorite guns and toys." Charles turned around. "Everything is ready John, if you want we can start."

"No time like the present, I guess. Negative would you care to do the honors and turn on that music." John kept his eyes focussed on an imaginary point somewhere above him. Only feeling how a large metal hand pressed a small device on the base of his skull.

In the distance he heard the music start, immediately he felt the device buzzing in a soft vibration.

* * *

Kaidan had searched the whole Normandy, nowhere John was to be found. "Edi where is John?"

"John is in his room."

"EDI stop lying I just left his room, he wasn't there. You sent me towards the mess hall and he wasn't there either. He wasn't anywhere you said he was, so what the hell is going on here?"

"I..." The lights aboard the ship turned off. After a few seconds the emergency lights switched on.

"EDI? What the hell happened?" Kaidan ran towards the elevator. "EDI? Shit and off course the elevators are out of business too."

"Kaidan, we are experiencing some problems with the AI core. Something is overloading our systems, it's like someone is draining all the power." Joker sounded worried.

"Joker anything from EDI?"

"She just blacked out, it's as if she isn't here anymore."

Kaidan turned around making his way towards the AI core. "Okay Joker start the evacuation protocols, I want all non essential personnel off the ship. I want Tali and Adams in the AI core to meet me there ASAP." Kaidan felt uncomfortable first John had disappeared and now the whole ship was running havoc. Something was going on.

Kaidan oped the door to the med bay, with in an instant he recognized Doctor Chackwas through a dense smoke. "Put some medi-gel on those burns and then move him to the mess hall. I want the Med-bay evacuated immediately." She said in an astonishing calm tone towards two of the crew." Kaidan thought he had landed right in a battlefield a thick smoke had filled the room, half of the equipment was thrown over.

"Chackwas what's going on here?"

"Nothing of importance major, just a small technical problem." She ran towards a man lying on the floor. "Major you should leave, the air isn't the best here at the moment."

"Karin what the hell is going on here? The ship lost all primary systems and then I find this..." Kaidan waved with his hand. Then he noticed the man next to her was Engineer Adams.

"Damn Alenko, the AI core just has some minor problems, Tali is fixing it. We should leave here immediately, now either go or help me carry him out of here."

* * *

_He heard the voices in the back of his head, a mixture of words softly communicating ideas. The words felt good making him feel safe once again, nothing bad could ever happen if he gave himself up to them. They promised a bright future a better universe, one where they wouldn't be looked down upon. A universe they could shape and lead, making it better than it had ever been before._

_No one would ever again have to suffer, no one would ever again lose their loved ones to the intruders. They only needed to work together to shape this future. Once they take over the governments of the universe they won't ever have to fear the future anymore._

_The words where compelling, John didn't want to lose his friends again he didn't want to die again. It would be easy just give up the last bit of control and they would never have to fear anything again. If he could just free himself and join the others, his body struggled but he was restrained. He couldn't move, couldn't reach for a gun and join the other whispers in their fight._

_Something was disturbing the words, trying to cover them up. A few notes played in rapid succession before an angelic voice broke through. The singing was more present, more real than the whispers. He concentrated on the voice. It was as if it was speaking directly towards him._

_The one singing asked a question, a question he couldn't answer._

"He can't take anymore we have to abort."

"Negative, this is our only chance. We are almost done, change the direction of the Jupiter satellites."

"We have to help him. The signal is getting to strong, he will turn any moment."

_The question bothered him, on the one hand he wanted to say he wasn't sure. On the other hand the whispered where promising he would be able to get it._

_But there was something else the singing voice offered a promises of its own, and a warning. The warning that no one would wait forever._

_The whispers suddenly stopped, only a single voice cut through to him. _  
_"Join us Deimos, be our hero. Be the one to lead Humanity for us. Become the most powerful man along my side."_

_He thought about it but the singing voice had offered something greater than power, something more important._

"NO!" He yelled as his body fought the restraints. His Biotics engulfed him in a blue wave of energy, ripping apart the ropes that held him down.

Immediately three Geth pointed their guns towards him. Every instinct told him he had to run, but there was a fourth Geth calmly kneeling beside him, removing a small device from his neck.

"John, we have their locations... It's worse than we anticipated."

* * *

The systems on the Normandy came back on-line suddenly. Kaidan ran immediately back towards the AI core. "Tali what the fuck is going on?"

"Nothing we can't handle, the Main processors just got a bit overheated. The system wasn't really designed for so much data to be processed at once. When the cooling failed we had a minor heat problem. Nothing we can't fix."

"What data? Why isn't anyone telling me what is going on here..."

"We have our orders, don't worry about it EDI should be back online the moment I can find out what cables need to be replaced.

"Damn Tali next time warn us that something like this might happen. And can someone now tell me where the fuck John is?"

"He's away with the Geth, but before I say anything else you should just talk to him yourself."

Kaidan wasn't sure what to think anymore, not only was John up to something, but he had seem to think he couldn't tell Kaidan what it was. " This is getting annoying Tali, where is he?"

"Crucible docking point, where Anderson was found."

Kaidan stormed off, he didn't know if he should be worried or angry.

* * *

John calmed he remembered the Geth's voice. The one that sounded a bit more passionate than the others. "I.. it was..."

"I know, I'm blocking them out. I'm sorry but we had to make sure we located all their bases." Charles offered him a hand pulling him back to his feet.

"So where is their main base?" John swept the sweat from his forehead, the whole ordeal had taken more out of him then he had ever imagined.

"Styx and Kerberos"

"I know Styx is Cerberus so where are they?"

"No their main bases are located at Styx and Kerberos."

"Wait they even stole the names of the base for their organization?" John felt incredible dumb, why hadn't they just checked the extranet.

"John you are looking a bit pale." Charles reached him a bottle of water.

"Just a headache. So do we have enough to find them all?"

"We think so, we where able to upload a few Geth in their mainframe. They send us as much as they could find without being discovered. The Normandy had some problems due to our up-link but Creator Tali assured us she can handle it."

"Wait those Geth are still in their database?" John tried standing up, the world spun around him and he had to sit back down.

"Yes, they will remain and try to update us if something changes. It was decided that they should stay behind to sabotage the system when we attack. Now we should return to the ship, before someone gets worried."

* * *

_**AN: Sorry it took so long to update, life somehow got in the way.  
Anyway on a side note when I started writing this I intended to use two unnamed objects near the dwarf planets for Cerberus and Styx base and just name them accordingly... Someone did me a favor a few weeks ago, Kerberos and Styx actually became officially the names of the two remaining Pluto moons. But I'm still sad Pluto isn't a planet anymore no mater if the moons now are all Greek mythology related to the underworld**_.


End file.
